


Fighting the Odds

by thejilyship



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom, jily - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Angst and angst and angst, F/M, Fake Relationship, Hunger Games, Hunger Games AU, Pining, Starcrossed, it got all over everything, it was like oil and glitter, jily and the hunger games mashed very well together, the cave scene will be in it soo, you know all the good stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-11-29 12:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 79,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18223226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejilyship/pseuds/thejilyship
Summary: Lily never thought her name would be called.James had never thought about volunteering.Both their lives are about to become a fight to survive.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I'm here with another new multi-chapter fic. This one is a bit different than anything I've done before for a few reasons. One, I've never done a Hunger Games Au. Two, the chapters are not almost 10k words long. Three, I'll be posting two chapters at a time because they are shorter and each chapter alternates between James and Lily. So every time I update, you'll get to see what Lily is up to and what James is up to. It seemed to work best that way.   
> I feel like I've been working on this so long, and I hope that you like it. <3

Lily Evans had gone to bed hungry last night, and she would go to bed hungry tonight as well. That was the way that things had worked here in District 12 since her father had died in a coal mining accident.

Mining accidents were fairly common. Some of them didn’t seem like accidents at all, because the men that always ended up getting blown to bits, along with at least half a dozen others, were always those who had spoken out against the Capital, or who had pissed off a Peace Keeper.

The accident that her father had been in truly was an accident, or so Lily chose to believe. David Evans had made sure that his family couldn’t become a target to the capital. In public or private he said nothing of his own thoughts on the Capital, though he took Lily out to the woods and taught her how to hunt, how to forage and how to take care of herself. She leaned basic survival skills and never really questioned why her father thought to teach them to her.

After he had passed, she felt like he had known that he was going to die too soon, and he had entrusted Lily with the task of taking care of their family, skipping over his eldest daughter, Petunia. 

Petunia was angry and bitter and always complaining about everything. It was hard for her to find a reason to smile, though her mother did a good job of coaxing one or two out of her every few days.

Today was extra horrible.

Today was reaping day.

This meant that everyone under the age of eighteen had to dress up in their best clothes, get as clean as they could and walk toward the center of town, like cows to slaughter. Well, Lily assumed that that’s what it was like, though she’d never even seen a cow. She thought that they had some in District 10 and she assumed that the idea was the same whether she’d seen a cow or not. They all walked to their probable death for the carnivorous appetite of the capital, the children and the cows.

She stood in front of the spotted and dirty mirror that hung on the wall across from the hearth. There wasn’t a fire lit at the moment, and there wouldn’t be for some time. It was too hot, and there was no reprieve from the heat.

“Are you ready, darling?” Her mother walked out, also wearing her best dress. The two dresses were made of the same material, because Lily had found a surplus of the material in the Hob, and her mother had made dresses for both Lily and Petunia and herself. Petunia refused to wear hers when Lily or her mother were wearing theirs.

So, Lily and Rose Evans wore blue frocks, and Petunia wore a slightly tattered floral pattern that she’d been given a few years ago by a neighbor who’s eldest daughter had died in the Games. The girl had been Petunia’s friend, and she’d cried the first few times that she’d worn it, but she was harder now, more severe.

“I suppose I have to be.” Lily said, brushing down the sides of the dress one last time. When she turned around, she was surprised to see that Petunia was there as well.

“It’s your last year.” She said, looking at her little sister, and Lily could see that there was some emotion swimming just beneath the surface of her blue eyes, but she couldn’t tell exactly what it was.

“It is.” Lily nodded, not sure if she was ready to be relieved just yet.

“Your name is in too many times.” Her mother said, covering her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. Her fingers were a mess. The nails frayed at the edges and coated in dirt. She was almost always working in her herb garden so that she could make remedies for people. Lily told her that she should accept money for the services that she provided, but Lily and her mother both knew that very few people could afford any form of medicine, even Rose’s. And so, the service remained free. Though people did sometimes bring them food if they could. Offer their help to fix up the roof or bring them a few extra logs for the winter.

“We have to eat. It’s the last year that I’ll be able to put my name in for the extra grain.”

“I’ve never liked it.” Her mother said, her tone sharp.

“Nor have I.” Petunia added, her arms crossed over her chest, boney elbows sticking out through the sleeves of her dress.

“You put your name in extra times for more food.” Lily narrowed her brows at her older sister.

“Sure, but not nearly as many times as you have. And I only did it to keep you from doing it so much.” Lily had heard her say all of this before, and she was still surprised by it. Her sister wasn’t one for showing affection, but then she would blurt out things like this. Once, a few months ago, when Lily was sick, Petunia had snapped at her that she loved her and then stormed off. Apparently, you had to be about to die if you wanted Petunia to show that she cared.

Lily smiled at her anyway, “It’s going to be fine. I didn’t put my name in that many times anyway. I’m not going to get picked.”

And she sounded so sure.

But sentiments like that always turn out to ring in the ears of the loved ones left behind.

_It’s going to be fine._

_I’m not going to get picked._

 

* * *

The reaping was always done in front of the Hall of Justice. Lily took a deep breath as she stepped forward in line. It always felt like someone was kicking her on a bruised shin when she saw the word **Justice** in big, bold letters, staring out over the groups of children as young as twelve waiting to hear whether or not their government would pay for their death in the most disgusting and extravagant way that they could think of.

“Lily, there you are.” Lily turned her head and saw Mary cutting the line as she marched forward, tripping over her feet a little, as her boots were actually her older brothers. “I stopped by your house, but you were already gone.

No one minded that she was cutting the line, they all knew that there was no prize waiting for them when they got to the front, just a pricked finger and a cold stare from the Peace Keepers.

“I got anxious waiting for you. Petunia was about to tell me that she loved me again. I had to get out.”

“How many…” Mary bit her lip. “How many times is your name in?”

Lily breathed in through her nose and shrugged one of her shoulders. She didn’t want to say the number out loud. She felt like saying it out loud would make the slips of paper with her name on it multiply in the ornate, glass bowl that was sitting up on stage. “Not too many more times than last year.”

“That’s what you always say. My name is in forty-two times this year.” Mary spite out the number like it was a cuss word.

Lily gaped at her. “Forty-two? How did you get that many?”

Mary slouched. “My brother died last year, Lily. My father the year before. I’ve got three younger siblings and my mom is-“ She looked over her shoulder and quieted her voice. “Well she’s not much help. I couldn’t let the littles starve. Frankie’s name is in ten times already.” She spit on the ground, ignoring a look from a nearby Peace Keeper and then they moved up the line.

“Well you should have said something.”

“How many times is your name in?” She asked again. “I know that your extra food goes to all those people your mom helps. I’m not going to ask you for any.”

“My name isn’t in as many times as yours.” And just like that Lily’s worry for herself transferred over to her friend. Her odds were worse, she needed the extra good thoughts being sent her way.

“Good. I’m still not asking you for extra food.”

“Fine, but this is my last year. We’re going to have to figure something out so that you and your little siblings don’t have to ask for extra food next year.”

Mary smiled at her, but it wasn’t a real smile. It was a ‘Sure Lily, that’s what we’ll do’ smile and Lily’s stomach tightened uncomfortably. She knew, even as she had said it, that there was really nothing more they could do.

“Next!” And then it was Lily’s turn to get her finger pricked.

Her dress started itching when she was standing in front of the stage waiting for the ceremony to begin. Not many people were talking. It was like they were at a funeral for the miners again. A solitary funeral wasn’t always a massively somber occasion, but the group funerals were. They always included boys that had just turned eighteen and fathers. People who weren’t ready to die and who had people counting on them. Most of the deaths from the mine accidents lead to more deaths. Starvation was the biggest killer in District 12.

There was a tapping on the microphone that shot throughout the town square and Lily flinched before looking up to find Dolores Umbridge standing in the middle of District Twelve, wearing the most obnoxious, hideous pink suit that Lily had ever seen her wear. Dolores had always in their district, for as long as Lily could remember. She was truly terrible and always excited when the younger kids got chosen and always, always, always wore something ugly and pink. This one had what appeared to be cat whiskers and noses on both of the shoulders.

There was nothing specific about it really and regardless of the colorful dress, whenever Lily saw her, she was reminded of a short, stout, grey toad.

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the seventy-fourth Hunger Games!”

She started going into the Capital approved speech that she was supposed to read before every reaping and Lily could have recited it from memory at this point, the words both a threat and a promise that the capital would destroy the districts if they dared to rise up against them.

“Alright!” Her voice scratched at the inside of Lily’s ears and she had to stop herself from flinching for a second time. “As always, ladies first.”

It was always such a switch, from the anger she felt from hearing the words from the Capital, to the fear that overtook her every time she had to stand there, feeling complacent, and listen as one of her friends was called off to die.

The idea that it could be her wasn’t lost to her exactly, but it had never seemed like it could really happen. Every year before the reaping she had a nightmare that it was her, but it had always been something that happened to someone else, something that tore someone else’s family apart. Because she was needed here, she couldn’t go.

Which is why she didn’t hear her name get called the first time. She just let out a breath that she’d been holding in when she didn’t hear Mary’s name get called. But then she felt Mary’s hand grip at her tightly, her nails digging into her skin and Lily turned to look at her, her brows narrowed.

“Lily Evans!” Dolores called out again, looking positively gleeful as she scanned the crowd of young girls standing in front of her.

Despite the summer heat, she felt as though someone had poured a bucket of ice water over her head, freezing her to the spot. She couldn’t look at anyone, she didn’t want to see the looks on their faces, so she looked at the tips of her shoes and willed herself to start walking.

She didn’t remember walking up to the stage, but one-minute Mary was gripping her hand to the point where she drew blood, and the next minute she was looking out at a sea of faces from the stage. Dolores had her clammy hand on her shoulder as she was congratulating her on being selected for this coveted position, this honor. Lily turned her head and looked at her. She was even more hideous up close.

“Honor?” Lily chocked out. It was not an honor to die a spectacle for the Capital, to know that your family was being forced to watch whatever happened to you back home. One year, there was a girl who tore people’s throats out with her teeth. She didn’t want her mother or her sister to have to watch someone do that to her.

“Yes,” Dolores smiled at her, and Lily could see the hatred in her eyes frothing up to the surface. From this close up it was almost all she could see. “And now, for the boys!”


	2. Chapter Two

James never felt like more of a prat than on reaping days.

He might has well have been a visiting member of the capital for all the love he got from the people around him as he stood in the group of boys his age and younger.

His name was only in that bowl seven times. The one mandated slip for each year that he’d been eligible. He’d taken no extra food because he had no need for the extra food for himself. He’d like to think that if he hadn’t thought it’d give his mother a heart attack, he would have signed up for extra food to give to his friends, but this was his last reaping and he would never know now.

He looked over at Sirius Black, who lived in the government run orphanage. James thought that if anything should exclude you from the reaping it was being in a shitty position like that. His friend, who normally spent more time on his hair than James thought necessary, had opted to leave it a mess for today. It was the only form of protest that he could get away with. He wore an extra set of James’ dress clothes, the sleeves slightly too long, and stood stiff as a board as he watched Dolores deliver her speech.

Remus didn’t have it much better than Sirius. He might actually have it worse, but the boys never played that game, at least not while James was around. He was standing on James’ other side, slouching and doing his best not to cough. He’d been sick for as long as James had known him, and he was the kindest person that he knew too. He hadn’t accepted James’ offer of a nice set of clothes, so he wore his dad’s old clothes, patched more times than James could count and much too short for his legs.

And then there was Peter, standing next to Remus. His family didn’t have it as bad as most, but he still had his name in the bowl more times than James did. He was busy pulling at his fingers, trying to keep his feet from jittering over the hard ground. He was a nervous wreck on a good day, and the reaping days were extra hard for him. His sister Harriet had been chosen for the games five years back. She had only been twelve.

James didn’t know how any of them were friends with him.

He hated these ceremonies. He hated Dolores Umbridge. He hated the Capital. He hated the stupid accents that they all spoke in. And he hated that they were supposed to dress up for this stupid fucking event.

“How long do you reckon she’s been blabbering on?” Sirius asked, doing his best to keep a blank look on his face. He knew that there were cameras flashing to the audience every now and then, and the last thing that Sirius would ever do was let the Capital see him afraid of anything. So instead, he did his best to look bored.

A Peace Keeper walked by and glared at him, Sirius rolled his eyes and muttered something dirty under his breath. James nudged him in the side with his elbow. “You only have to behave until this is over, and then we can go back to mine and get drunk, alright?” It was a terrible plan, but somewhere along the line, it had become a tradition for them. A way to celebrate that they were all still together, a way to deal with the anger and pain in their chests for whoever _had_ been carted off to die.

“As Always, ladies first!” She called off in that terrible accent that they would all soon be making fun of. That’s how he had to frame this in his mind, it was going to be over very soon. She was already calling the names, it was only a matter of time now, and then they could leave.

“Lily Evans!”

James heart dropped to the ground and he could feel his friends turn to look at him. Sirius reached over and grabbed James’ arm.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” He muttered, and James barely heard him over the roaring in his ears. That couldn’t be right. He couldn’t have heard her correctly.

“Lily Evans!” She called out again and James turned his head in the direction of the girls, trying to remember where he’d seen her red hair standing out in the crowd. He caught sight of her and her friend Mary, she was walking with Lily to the aisle, holding her hand and saying something to her. James felt frozen as he watched a pair of Peace Keepers escort her up to the stage, complete and utter shock covered her face. He’d seen her look like that before, once, at her father’s funeral. Like her entire world had just been turned upside down and she didn’t know how it was going to be righted.

“I think now is a good time to remind you that you haven’t talked to her since you were eleven.” Sirius went on, still gripping James’ arm.

“And even then,” Peter added. “She’s never liked you.”

James tore his gaze away from Lily and looked at his friends. It dawned on him that they were afraid that he was going to volunteer to be the second tribute.

James looked down at his feet. He knew that he wasn’t going to volunteer. Not only because they were right, Lily didn’t know him, despite his slightly desperate and idiotic crush on her. And what she did know of him, she didn’t like.

No, he wasn’t going to volunteer, because he’d forgotten that you were allowed to volunteer. It wasn’t something that people typically thought about here in District 12. There were Career Tributes in the lower districts, kids that trained their entire lives to win the Hunger Games.

Volunteering out here was just volunteering to die.

He watched Lily’s face transform from shocked to rage as Dolores told her that she should be honored, and he clenched his fists at his sides.

The Capital was going to kill her.

“And now, for the boys!” She walked across the stage, her heels clicking, to the second glass bowl. She paused to give the camera a show, trying to pretend that this was a fun event and completely forgetting about Lily. She dug her hand around the bowl until she had settled on a slip of paper.

“I hope she trips and strangles herself in the fucking cords.” Sirius muttered, finally letting go of James’ arm.

“Wouldn’t that be grand.” Remus agreed, turning to bury his face in his elbow as he coughed. It seemed louder than it was because of how silent everyone else was. Dolores cleared her throat and stared him down until he stopped and then opened the paper.

“Fucking bitch.” Sirius muttered.

 “Remus Lupin!” She called out, and James’ comment of how her suit was far more likely to strangle her than the cords were died on his lips.

For a moment, it seemed as though she was calling out his name to reprimand him for coughing. But she wouldn’t have known his name if she wasn’t reading it off the slip. There was no reason for anyone from the capital to know the name of someone from 12 unless it was because of the games.

Time seemed to freeze entirely for James after he registered his friends name being called because he was the tribute.

Remus Lupin, who spent half his free time tucked away in bed because walking was too hard for his lungs. Remus Lupin, who’s parents spent all their time at work so they could afford medicine that he couldn’t go without. He would die before they even got him to the Capital. He couldn’t be in the Hunger Games. Not after everything that he and his family had done to keep him alive so far. James couldn’t sit here and watch him die on screen in front of everyone.

And Lily.

He was going to have to watch both of them die.

“No,” Sirius was talking to a Peace Keeper as they started walking down the aisle to fetch Remus, who was staring dumbstruck ahead of him. “No, leave him alone. He’s sick, you can’t take him!”

James’ hand was in the air before he realized what he was doing. “I volunteer.” He said, and then realized that he hadn’t spoken loud enough for everyone to hear. Remus tried to pull his arm out of the air, and Sirius stopped fighting with the Peace Keeper as James stepped out into the aisle and repeated himself.

“I volunteer!” He said louder, refusing to look back at where he knew his parents were. He couldn’t keep making decisions based on whether or not they would worry about him, or if it would cause them pain. If he didn’t volunteer, he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life, and thanks to the privilege that he was born into, he’d have a long time to live with the guilt.

He’d stood by and watched his friends struggle for long enough. It terrified him more with each step, the weight of what he’d done settling down on his shoulders, but he didn’t regret. Because Remus deserved better than a televised death, and James figured it was time he actually did something about what was going on. It didn’t help anyone when he sat on his ass and got pissed drunk whenever the capital angered him.

“A volunteer!” Dolores seemed positively giddy when he reached the stage. He marched up the steps and stood next to Dolores, where he’d seen the male tributes stand. He glanced over at Lily, who was looking down at her shoes, an unreadable expression on her face. He wished he could stand closer to her, hold her hand maybe, something to comfort them both.

“Would you like to tell everyone why you chose to volunteer?” She was smiling at him widely, so wide that it looked like it might splice her face clean in two if she stretched it just a little further. He wished she would. She was expecting him to tell her that he’d volunteered for the glory of it all.

“He’s sick,” James nodded in Remus’s direction. “It’s not right.” He could see the screens behind him change so that he wasn’t on them anymore.

Dolores quickly dove into her closing remarks and ignored what he’d said completely.

She shouldn’t have presented them as the Tributes, and James was pretty sure that she realized that as soon as she held her hands up for the applause. There was no applause. There were a few angry shouts, James could hear Sirius most distinctly, and then, almost as if it had been planned, the crowd started to raise three fingers in the air.

James stood up straighter as every single person in the town square raised their fingers into the air and fell silent. He looked at Lily, her face hardening even as a single tear fell down her cheek. She raised her hand in response and James quickly did the same.

They were all angry. Every single one of these people hated the games, and he’d always known that, but there was something about standing as a group in silent dissent that reminded him that he wasn’t alone in his opinion of what the Capital was doing. It emboldened him, and he tucked that feeling away for a later day. He’d need it when facing everything that was to come.

He and Lily were quickly escorted off the stage and put into separate rooms within the Justice Building. He’d been in here before of course, both his mother and father worked in the Justice Building. Yet another reason he’d had so many people glaring at him before he’d volunteered.

They were here to say goodbye now. That’s what happened, they got a few minutes to say goodbye and then they would be on a train to the Capital.

“You didn’t have to do that.” One of the Peace Keepers said as he walked James into his room. “You would have had a good life.” He was already dead to this guy. No one from District 12 had won in years. Well over two decades.

“Nah, I just would have lived.” He said, determined to look the guard in the eye until he turned and left the room. The guard didn’t seem to think that James had said anything profound though, and just gave a quick nod of his head before he left the room, not at all concerned with the fact that James was staring him down.

His parents were the first ones in.

His mother rushed at him and enveloped him in a hug, and his father stood stoically beside the door with his arms crossed. Neither one of them said anything. His mother just held him, and James leaned into her touch, wondering if this was the last time that he would see his parents.

“There’s nothing we can do for you.” His father said after a minute or so had gone by. They were running out of time. “If you volunteered because you thought that we could-“

“I know that you can’t do anything.” He said quickly, not wanting his parents to think that, even though, _of course_ that’s what they were thinking. They’d been taking care of him his entire life, getting him out of trouble for things that would have gotten other kids tongues cut off and sent to the capital as avox. He’d never been the most well behaved, and that didn’t change for the better after he met Sirius. “I did this because- I mean-“ He shook his head and took a step back, trying to scramble his thoughts into a coherent order. “I had to do this.” He said, looking at his mom and dad, trying to make them understand his motivations, his reasoning. “Everything is wrong-“

“You can’t talk like that.” His mother said quickly. “Don’t give the Gamemakers reason to target you.” She reached out and patted his cheek. “You’re a smart boy, you always have been. You could come home to us.” James wasn’t sure if she believed that or if she _had_ to believe that.

James didn’t believe it.

“She’s right. You are smart. Play a smart game and you’ll make it home.” His father agreed, stepping up and wrapping James into a hug. His father didn’t hug him all that often, but James found it far more comforting than anything he could have said.

“I know that I shouldn’t ask you two to do anything for me,” He said, and his mother started to interrupt, but he spoke over them, desperate to get it out before their time was up. “Please, listen.” He said, grabbing his mother’s hand. “I need you to take care of them as much as they’ll let you. Remus has bad lungs, Sirius will get himself killed if you don’t watch out for him and Peter… just promise me that you’ll watch out for them.”

“You know that your friends will always be welcomed in our home, James.” His father said. “I only wish that you didn’t feel so responsible for them.” He looked down at the tops of his shoes and shoved his hands in his pockets. James had never seen his father like this, and it was making him antsy.

“I love you both,” James said, noticing that the door was opening. His mother looked frightened by the arrival of the Peace Keepers, though she’d never been so much as nervous around them before.

“We love you too, James.” She said, walking backward out of the room. “More than anything.”

“Come home, son.” His father said, putting an arm around his wife. “Don’t lose yourself.”

And then they were on the other side of a closed door.

James felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and before he could catch his breath, his friends were barging into the room.

“You fucking, idiot.” James had expected that comment to come from Sirius, and was surprised to see Remus red in the face and angrier than he’d ever seen him. “How the fucking hell could you do that!” James dodged out of the way as Remus tried to deck him.

“What the hell!” James cried out. “I had to do it! It wasn’t right that your name was in the bowl at all!”

“And you said that on stage too,” Peter shook his head and put his hands on his hips. “I knew you were stupid, but never thought you were suicidal.”

James looked to Sirius now, hoping that he’d be on his side, that he’d have something nice to say. “How did you do it?” Sirius asked, which stopped everyone in their tracks.

“How? What do you mean?”

“I mean, volunteering to die. How did you do that?”

“You all thought I was going to do it when Lily’s name was called out.” James shrugged his shoulders. “Apparently I’m just stupid.”

“James,” Sirius tilted his head back and Remus started coughing.

“Didn’t you see the way she looked at him when he coughed before she read his name?” James threw up his hands. “I’d never even thought about volunteering before, never had a need to think about it, but then she said his name- there was nothing that I could do for Lily. Her name was called, but volunteering wouldn’t have saved her. But Remus’s name was called, volunteering means that he gets to live, he get’s to stay here. You’ve all just gone through your last reaping, you don’t have to do this anymore. You’re all safe.”

“Safe for what?” Remus snapped, his face still beat red. “To watch you die on television? Thanks a fucking lot.”

James let out a heavy breath. He knew that this goodbye wasn’t going to be pleasant, but he hadn’t thought that Remus would yell so much. Though he should have known. “I love you all like you’re my own family. I’ve always done what I could to help you when I thought that you’d allow it. I’m tired of not doing enough, of not doing all that I can. I’m tired of bitching about the way things are behind closed doors.” That was it, that was the best he could explain it.

He was angry, he was pissed, and he was tired.

“Don’t die then.” Sirius said, and he was the first one to walk up and hug James, but the other two quickly joined in. He should tell them more plainly that he felt guilty for how easy he’d had things thus far. He should tell them that he felt that if anyone of them had to go to the games, it should be him because they’d all been through so much by this point. It wasn’t fair for anyone to expect much more from them.

They were surviving, while James had been coasting, and this was the price he had to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a review! I'm having so much fun writing this fic and I hope that you'll enjoy it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon my friends! Happy Hunger Games! Here is the next installment. In the last two chapters we got to see:
> 
> ~Lily's name get drawn
> 
> ~James volunteer for the games when Remus's name was drawn
> 
> ~Remus punch James in the face for volunteering for him
> 
> Here are the next two chapters!

Lily’s heart was in her throat the entire walk into the justice building. She was led down a hallway by a peacekeeper who was gripping her upper arm, not tightly, but enough to keep her steady. Her knees felt as though they were made of jelly now and perhaps that’s why she couldn’t stand properly. He led her into a room and as soon as the door closed behind her, she collapsed onto the nearest chair, almost falling onto the floor.

Her name had been called. She was going to be in the Hunger Games.

Flashes from the past games that she’d watched came back to her and she saw all of the most violent and terrible deaths play out on the backs of her eyelids.  

And then the door was being thrown open.

She was grateful when her mom and sister walked in and interrupted her thoughts, made her stop seeing things that she’d rather not think about.

She was only grateful for a minute though, because both of them were crying. And then she was crying.

“You promised that everything was going to be alright.” Petunia shouted, hitting her on the arm before pulling her into a hug. “You said that you wouldn’t get picked.” Lily broke down entirely before her mom had her arms around the two of them and they stood there, as a family, and cried together.

Lily was sure that she would never see them again.

“I don’t want you to remember me as what you’ll see on tv.” She said, pulling away. She gave them a watery smile. “I love you both so much, please don’t remember me like that.”

“Don’t be afraid to kill someone, Lily.” Petunia said instead of agreeing to her request. “I know that you refuse to hurt caterpillars when you find them in the house, but it’s kill or be killed. Don’t refuse to kill them for some noble reason. Don’t refuse to play or you’ll die, Lily.”

“They’re just kids, Tooney.” Lily deflated.

“Who will be trying to kill you.” Her mother said. They’d never talked about the games before. Lily didn’t know where her mother stood on viewing it as self-defense or playing along into the Capital’s hand, and she’d never wondered before now.

“I love you both.” Lily repeated, because she knew that their time was almost up.

“I love you too, my sweet.” Her mother kissed her on the forehead.

“I want you to come home.” Petunia said, her voice sharp. “Saying I love you would be giving you permission to die.”

“I don’t really have a say in the matter.” Lily sighed, but she oddly enough, understood her sister’s logic. “Take care of each other. And Mary too, if you can.”

And much too soon, the Peacekeepers were back in the room, taking her mom and sister away from her.

 

The train was nothing like she thought it was going to be. She’d seen trains that ran through before, the ones that carry coal to the Capital and the other districts, the trains that bring supplies (limited as they might be) from other districts. She assumed that they would be riding one of those. She had never seen this shining, silver monstrosity.

As she was boarding, James on her right and Dolores on her left, Dolores was going on about how fast the train could travel and how quickly they would arrive in the capital.

The train was set up much how she pictured an elegant home would be set up, a small home of course, but there was no part of the train that felt like it was a vehicle made for transportation. There were fine couches and crystal light fixtures, framed artwork, woven rugs. Dolores passed through all of these cars though and stopped only when they reached the dining car.

Lily started grinding her teeth when she saw the amount of food that was set on the table for the three of them. She couldn’t possibly eat what was meant to be her share of the food, she was sure that if the three of them sat down, it would take them well into next week to eat everything that was set out on the table. Why did they have all of this when there were starving children littering the streets of District Twelve only feet from where they were? Who would choose to have this much excess while others went with nothing?

Lily chanced a look at James, trying to gauge his reaction to the amount of food, but if he was surprised or disgusted by it, he didn’t show it. And that was exactly what she’d been expecting from him. He was one of the few people in their district who never went without. He had always had enough, more than enough most likely. His parents worked for the Capital and she had (almost) never been more shocked than when he raised his hand to volunteer for Remus Lupin.

She remembered the look on his face as he realized that his hand was in the air. It was as though his heart was just a few seconds ahead of his brain.

She still wasn’t a big fan of his, but she might respect him a bit more than she used to.

They’d known each other since grade school. District 12 wasn’t so big that it required more than one school, or maybe it wasn’t that it wasn’t big enough to have more than one school, there just weren’t enough people. And so even though he was the son of two Capital employees, he went to school with her, the daughter of a coal miner and a faux doctor (his friend Sirius’s words, not hers.)

He used to pick on her back when they were younger, but Petunia had always told her to not give boys who picked on her the time of day.

“If a boy is so immature that they can’t work up the courage to talk to you like you’re a real person, then you don’t owe them anything, including your time.” She’s said in one of her rare moments of actually behaving like an older sister.

So, she had just ignored him for most of school. Though he would get a rise out of her every now and then and walk off looking all proud of himself.

There had been this one time though, shortly after her dad had died, when he’d tried to talk to her for real. He hadn’t been joking or smiling or strutting around. He came up to her, saying that he was sorry for her loss and if there was anything that he could do to help out, all she had to do was ask.

Looking back now, she knew that he’d been sincere in his condolences, but it still made her bite down on the tip of her tongue whenever she thought about it.

He lived in an entirely different world that the other people in District Twelve, and no matter who his friends were, he couldn’t possibly understand the struggle of living how she and her family lived.

And so, at the time she’d told him off. It was the first time that he’d tried to have an actual conversation with her, and she spent a majority of the time shouting.

She glanced over at him again and wondered if he remembered that day like she did, with a bit of regret and resentment. Or if perhaps there was no regret and that was just the day that he decided that she wasn’t worth his time any longer.

That had been the last day that he’d tried to talk to her. Lily had almost completely forgotten about the incident over the last couple years. At least until today.

“And all of this,” Dolores was saying, motioning grandly to the table. “Is for you!”

Lily stopped grinding her teeth and clicked her tongue. “We couldn’t possibly eat all of that.”

“Well it’s for myself and Moody as well.” She looked at the table and smiled. “Until the games began, you will be given every luxury that the Capital has to offer. And even though the game start fairly soon, you still have plenty of time to enjoy yourselves.” She looked back at them and Lily found herself thinking about the look she’d given her on stage earlier. Chills shot up her back. This woman would revel in their deaths.

“Later, the three of us are going to sit down and go over the proper way to talk when we’re in front of a camera,” It sounded almost like a threat. “But for now, just sit down and eat your fill.” And then she left the room, the cat whiskers on her jacket bouncing along as she went.

Lily hated Dolores, she always had. But she did not want to be left alone with James Potter either, so she had mixed feelings about her exit.

“I forgot that Moody would be coming along.” James said, running a hand though his hair and taking a seat at the table. He started filling his plate with food, not pausing to wonder what anything was, and Lily figured this was probably food that he regularly had in his home and that twinge of resentment she’d been thinking about earlier, pulsed in her veins.

Lily sat down at the table as well, if only because she didn’t want to stand in the middle of the car. Sitting gave her something to do. James looked up at her and offered her a small smile. She narrowed her brow at him.

“I don’t think now is the time to start being friendly,” She said, reaching for a glass of water in front of her. “We’ll be expected to kill each other in a few days.”

James’ smile disappeared and he looked down at his plate, seeming to realize how much food he’d stacked onto it now that she was sitting across from him. He sat up straighter and shook his head. “I’m not going to kill you.” He said after a moment of pushing some of the food around his plate with his fork. “I never understood how they got all those kids to actually try to kill each other anyway.”

Lily very nearly found herself rolling her eyes like she was ten years old again. “Of course, you don’t.”

James pushed his glasses up his face and looked at her. “Oh? And you do?”

Lily bit the tip of her tongue for a moment to quell her temper and then nodded. “I understand. If you don’t go along with their game, then they’ll take it out on your family. Everyone else knows that, you would too, if you didn’t live with people from the Capital.”

“My parents aren’t _from_ the Capital.”

“Sure, but they work for the Capital.”

“My parents are good people.” His ears were turning red.

“No, all of the children that are ripped away from their families, _those_ are good people. People like your parents who don’t even do anything when it’s their own son who’s been sent off to the games, those are not good people.” James slammed his fist down on the table and his fork bounced out of his hand and landed in a vase of flowers in the middle of the food. Lily blinked at it, wondering why she was pushing him.

“There was nothing that they could have done.”

“Their complacency, along with every other ‘good person’ who works for the Capital is what allows for these games to happen.” And she believed it. She knew that not everyone who worked for the Capital was pure evil, but they did allow for evil to happen. And you can’t be a good person while allowing evil to happen around you. If you sat comfortably and reaped the benefits of other people’s suffering, then you’d be hard pressed to find a convincing argument as to why you were good.

Not evil and good, were not the same thing.

“Having a fun conversation, are we?” Both of them turned to find Moody standing in the doorway of the car, a tumbler in one hand and lopsided grin that let Lily know that this wasn’t the first drink he’d had today. His greying hair was cropped close to his head, his face covered in scars that had had received during his games, and his clothes hung too loose on his thin frame.

He stumbled over to the table and took a seat at the head, reaching for a vase of amber liquid that Lily hadn’t noticed before. He refilled his glass and then took another swig. “She’s right you know.” He said, nodding his head toward Lily while looking at James. “You do anything to piss them off and they’ll kill your whole family. You’ll have no one left. That’s why all these kids die quietly. Why they don’t go down cursing the capital for the bunch of fucks that they are.” He looked to a corner of the car and raised his glass as if someone was there.

“Cameras.” He said, looking back and seeing the looks on both of their faces. “I don’t think they can hear us, but they’re always watching us.” He took another swig.

“We would know if they were- _I_ would know if they were doing that to the families.” James argued.

“And I wouldn’t?” Moody leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on the edge of the table. “You’re kind of a prick, aren’t you?” He shrugged and then leaned back. “Not that it matters. You’re both going to die no matter what you are.”

Lily looked down at her lap and started grinding her teeth again. She knew that she would most likely die in the games, but that didn’t mean that she needed to hear it said out loud, especially not so soon after her mother and sister had just asked her to come home.

“You don’t know that.” James argued, and Lily saw that his ears had gone red again.

“Actually, I’ve been a mentor for well over twenty years now, so I do know that.” He laughed and shook his head. “I was so determined that first year. All I wanted to do was save some little punk so that I could finally sleep again.” He took another drink, a longer one this time, nearly emptying his glass. “Quickly found that this is the only thing that can get me to sleep.” He raised his glass again and then reached for the vase.

“I think you’ve had enough for now.” James reached out, quicker than Moody, and moved the vase out of his reach. “You’re our mentor, you’re meant to be telling us how to survive.”

Moody took a deep breath and stood up, reaching out for the vase and looking at James while he poured himself another drink. “I already told you that you’re going to die. Telling you how to survive would be a waste of breath.”

“Lily knows how to hunt with a bow, she’s got a chance.” James said, crossing his arms over his chest. Lily raised her brow, surprised that he was sticking up for her before he even tried to stick up for himself.

Moody looked over at her, “You do? Well that’s certainly new for me.”

“My dad taught me.”

“So, you venture over the fence, do you? Take your chance with the wolves for a couple of squirrels?” She felt like he was mocking her.

“I’m good with a bow. And there are more than squirrels if you know where to look. Also, I’ve never seen a wolf.”

“Oh?” He laughed and Lily looked back at her lap. “No, no, I’m sorry.” He said, setting his glass down for a moment so that he could put some food on his plate. “I just can’t picture you killing anything. I’m sure you’re very good though.”

“She is,” James sat up straighter. “My friend Peter, his family buys stuff from her all the time. She’s got insanely accurate aim, always one shot, always a clean kill. Turkeys, rabbits, and yes, squirrels too.” Lily shifted in her chair and looked over at James. What was he doing? Why did he sound impressed? How did he even know all of that? Did Peter find it worth telling him?

“You know what?” Lily stood up from the table. “I’m tired. Is there somewhere that I can go where I won’t have to smell all of this food?” It was making her stomach churn. She couldn’t imagine what it would do to her stomach if she tried to actually eat any of it.

Moody looked at her carefully for a moment and then nodded. “Down the hall. Pick whatever room you want, it doesn’t really matter which.”

“Because we’re going to die.” Lily nodded, knowing that that was exactly what he’d meant. He laughed and raised his glass, James ran a hand through his hair and then Lily set off down the hall.


	4. Chapter 4

James was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, tossing a decorative glass orb up and down. He hadn’t expected that he and Lily would become friends now that they were on this ride to their deaths, but he also hadn’t expected to have her shout at him again.

His brain hurt. It felt all squished and pressed and if he was home, his mother would have given him one of those pills of hers and it would have helped him sleep. When he woke up this headache would be gone.

Could his parents really be complicate in all of this? Were they allowing all of this to happen? He didn’t want to believe it, but Lily had seemed so sure, and then Moody had walked in and agreed with her. There had been whispers about what happened to Moody’s family as well. Had he done something to upset the Capital? If he had, why hadn’t they heard about that? Why were there no rumors of him leading a protest or calling for an end to the games?

All James knew about his mentor was that he was an alcoholic, and a mean one at that. Every year they brought him out, and every year he embarrassed the District in front of the entire country.

There had to be more to him than that though. He had won his games, he used to be someone who could do that. Apparently twenty years of drinking nothing but alcohol had ruined him.

James felt thick for all the aspects of the games that he’d never considered before.

He dropped the orb on the bed next to him and pushed his glasses up his face, rubbing his fingers against his eyes.

He’d felt like an idiot for a long time now, like a privileged fool, but this was something else entirely. He’d known that the world they lived in was a terribly messed up one, but this was all too much for him to consider.

Though the alternative was to try and envision what the games were going to be like. And that was definitely not preferable. So he spent the night trying to get his head clear of any thoughts.

It did not work.

The next morning, James walked into the dining car to find that Moody and Lily were already there. Dolores was as well, but she was seated on a couch with a cup of tea instead of at the table. She was watching a screen that was telling everyone what had happened at the reaping yesterday. As though it hadn’t been required viewing.

“Just getting a look at your competition.” Dolores smiled at him when she saw him walk into the car. James pressed his lips together and walked over to the table.

“Ignore her,” Moody said, and James could tell that he was more sober this morning than he’d been last night. “She’s rotten.”

James completely agreed, and he saw Lily smile. He started collecting his breakfast. Lily was eating a piece of toast this morning, which was more than he’d seen her eat yesterday. Though he couldn’t really blame her for not wanting to eat. Most people lost their appetite when they were anxious or scared, James didn’t, but most people did.

“Have you changed your mind then? Are you going to try and help us?”

Moody sighed. “I suppose. You’ve both got a bit of fight in you, haven’t seen that in a while. You might not die the first day. Might even make it a few days.”

“Gee, thanks.” Lily rolled her eyes and took another bite of her toast.

“Though it won’t happen if you keep eating like that.” Moody nodded at her toast.

“Oh, my bad. I didn’t realize that all of this food,” She motioned to the table, “Was going to be in the arena.” 

Moody laughed and James wondered how much he’d missed this morning if the two of them were laughing and smiling at each other. Lily hadn’t seemed at all happy with him when she’d stormed out last night.

“You need to build up your fat stores, and muscle. You can’t do that by continuing on with your District 12 diet.”

“You think I have access to this kind of bread?” She asked, raising a brow.

“Eat some eggs and sausage.” He said, reaching over and putting them onto her plate for her.

“Fine, but when it makes me sick, I’m blaming you.”

“That’s fine, so long as you continue to do what I tell you to.”

“And what should I be doing?” James asked.

Moody looked at his plate and then grinned at him, though it lacked the good-natured element from when he looked at Lily. “Looks like you already know how to eat, boy.”

“Oo! Look at that! Rabastan Lestrange has volunteered for the games this year. You remember two years ago when his brother won? He’ll be fierce competition.” Dolores piped up from the couch and James wasn’t sure how he was meant to respond to that. He knew that he himself wasn’t going to be much competition, especially not to the career tributes who came from legacy families. He was going to have to play a more diplomatic game, because he knew that he couldn’t hold his own in a physical fight with either one of the Lestrange brothers. They had spent their entire lives training for this.

“Would you turn that shit off, Umbridge?” Moody growled before quickly shoving food into his mouth. James figured that he was probably wishing that he had alcohol right now. James wouldn’t have minded some. Because now that he knew that his competitors were being shown on the screen, he couldn’t seem to pull his gaze away from it.

“Oh hush, Moody. The kids should know who their going up against, yes? What better way to get to know their competition than by watching the reapings? They say a lot about a person, I think.”

“No one asked for your opinion. If you want to watch that, then go to your room. You have a television in there, yes?”

“Of course, I do.” She pouted and looked back at the screen for a moment before she huffed and stood up. “Fine, but I don’t see how keeping them in the dark and unprepared is going to help them any.” She stormed out of the car and it was as though she’d took half of the bad energy in the room with her. He could tell that Lily felt it too, because as soon as the door closed behind Dolores, she sat up another couple inches.

“She did have a point,” Moody said, not sounding at all thrilled about it. “You should know who you’re up against. But I don’t think watching the reapings and hearing everyone else’s opinions about them are going to do you any good. You’ll meet them all in the Training Center in a few days, and then there will be the interviews. You’ll have plenty of time to get a feel for each of them. You shouldn’t care what Rita Skeeter or Ludovic Bagman think about the tributes.”

“Are they not saying good things about our reaping then?” Lily asked, “I mean, I understand you not wanting us to listen to Rita and Ludo go on about how good Lestrange’s chances are, but…” She trailed off and inspected a piece of sausage before taking a small bite. James looked down at his own full plate and wondered how often she’d gone to bed hungry while he’d been eating like this every single day of his life.

Moody shifted. “I wasn’t paying too much attention yesterday, but I watched the footage today.” He said, pausing to take another bite of his breakfast.

“And?”

“Well Rita and Ludo aren’t saying anything of course.” He shrugged. “But I don’t think that anyone from the Capital is going to be thrilled with either one of you. Or with the fact that the entire district saluted you as you walked off stage.”

“They won’t do anything to them though, will they?” Lily asked, once again reminding James of how ignorant he’d been.

Moody let out a heavy sigh. “No. No, they shouldn’t. The games should be a sufficient distraction for everyone.” Lily nodded, placated by his answer and went back to her food.

“So, what do you think our strategy should be?” James asked, desperately wanting to feel as though he was more in control of something. Coming up with a plan normally helped him achieve that.

“You two won’t be having the same strategy.” He raised his brows and continued looking at his plate of food. “You’re a rich boy from an outlying district, you’ll be a hard sell.”

“He did volunteer for Remus though.” Lily pointed out, surprising all of them.

“Sure, and that will definitely make him more likable.” Moody shrugged. “Having that much money in District 12 is like having a parka in the desert. You don’t need it, and everyone is going to look at your strange for it.”

“It’s my parents’ money.” James mumbled.

“Don’t say that.” Moody shook his head and then laughed. “That doesn’t help at all. Nah, with you we’re going to want to focus on your friends, not your family. I see you running around with that kid, yeah? What’s his name-“

“Sirius? Yeah, we’ve been friends since we started school.” James nodded, glad that Moody knew something about him other than his parents’ wealth.

“Yeah, and those other boys. Remus and Pettigrew’s boy.”

“Peter.” James nodded again.

“You must be likable if you make friends with the likes of them. Right?” He didn’t look at James though, he looked at Lily. She looked as though she might choke voluntarily to get out of answering the question.

“Everyone-“ She cleared her throat and set down her fork. “Everyone at school likes James.” She nodded. “He and his friends were always causing trouble for the teachers and making everyone laugh.”

“So, you don’t like him then,” Moody smirked at her and James was sure that his ears were as red as her cheeks.

“It’s not that I don’t like him,” She was looking down at her plate, but James couldn’t take his eyes off of her. What did she mean she didn’t dislike him? Of course she disliked him, she avoided looking at him whenever possible and never spoke to him. “He just, umm, he used to pick on me when we were younger. My sister thought he had a crush on me, but he was never very nice. So, yeah.” James felt the flush go from his ear, down to his neck. He shouldn’t care, he shouldn’t be embarrassed. He would most likely die in a few short days, what did he care if this girl knew that he had a crush on her or not.

But then again, she wasn’t talking about the present, was she? She was talking about the past, and she didn’t think that he used to like her, she thought he had been mean to her. So, she probably thought that he _didn’t_ like her. No wonder she avoided him.

“I never wanted you to think that I was being mean,” James said.

“Yeah, it sounds like your sister had the right idea.” Moody agreed.

“You were being mean though. You tugged on my pig tails and knocked my books out of my hands.”

“I was a stupid nine-year-old and didn’t know how to talk to you! Of course, I liked you.”

Lily didn’t have anything to say to that, and James wondered what she would think if he told her that Sirius had grabbed his arm to make sure that he didn’t volunteer for the games after her name had been called.

He still liked her.

“Well now that we’ve got that all straightened out,” Moody looked back and forth between the two of them. “Let’s talk survival.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap for this fine weekend. It's actually incredibly dreary outside and snowy and gross, but it's all about the attitude, right? If I pretend it's all good, then it will be? Is that how that works?
> 
> Anywho, leave me a review! Tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

They pulled into the Capital later that evening, and Lily found herself unable to come up with anything to say about the sight outside the train windows. She didn’t care one way or the other. The city of the excess wealth should have angered her, but it didn’t. She could have marveled at how pretty everything was, but she didn’t.

She just felt numb to it all.

James came up and stood beside her. She didn’t know when he’d come into the car, or where Moody or Dolores were, but she didn’t mind him being there either. “I think I’m starting to shut down.” She said aloud, wondering if she sounded jaded or if he was feeling the same way. She didn’t really know what was normal in this circumstance.

“Because of our inevitable deaths?” He asked, looking over at her. “My brains been on hyper drive since we got on the train so I wouldn’t mind if I started to shut down a bit.”

She almost smiled. “It’s disgusting, isn’t it?” She asked, nodding toward the people coming into view. They were lining the side of the track, shouting and cheering at their arrival. Lily and James both waved at them as Moody had told them to do, but Lily’s arm felt heavy and waving quickly grew tiresome.

“Who would bring their children to something like this?” James sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Dress them up as tributes? Give them toy weapons?”

“They’ve all been desensitized to it. It seems impossible, but these people here, they don’t know that it’s wrong.”

“You’re right, that does seem impossible. How can you grow up not being angry that your government is murdering children?”

Lily looked over at him and frowned. “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you yesterday. I guess I’ve never thought of you as anything other than the boy who used to pick on me and that wasn’t what you needed to hear yesterday. We’re from entirely different worlds back home, but we’re going through this together.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing like a fight to the death to put everyone on level ground.” His ears were red again, but she could tell that he was relieved. “Though I suppose that’s not true. Lestrange is a career. And the others from the first few districts.”

Lily took in a deep breath through her nose. “I hope they kill me quickly.” She said. “I don’t want to put on a good show. I don’t want to bleed a lot.”

“Something that’s not too traumatizing for those back home, right?” Lily nodded and looked at him again. The games may not have put all the tributes on equal footing, but it did seem as though the two of them were on level ground for the first time since she’d met him. They wanted the same things now, they were worrying about the same things. They were both facing their deaths.

“Are you going to play allies?” She asked him.

“Makes it hard if you make it far enough, doesn’t it? I always hated watching alliances break up.” He pushed his glasses up into his hair line and rubbed his eyes. “Not that I enjoyed any of it though. Why not play allies?”

“What if they got to the end and just refused to hurt each other?” Lily lowered her voice, knowing that it was impossible but needing to say it out loud anyway.

James seemed to understand, because he didn’t tell her that it was impossible. He just smiled at her. “That would be a nice change, wouldn’t it?” They were quiet for a moment and then he turned toward her. “I’m not going to hurt you. If we run into each other in the games, I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t.” He looked out the window again and fixed his glasses before he waved at another crowd that had gathered next to the train.

They were slowing down now. “I don’t know if I can hurt anyone.” Lily kept her voice quiet.

“You’ve got to try though, don’t you?” He asked, his tone sharper than before.

“I’m sure my instincts will kick in after the first canon goes off, but…” She wrapped her arms around her chest. “My neighbor’s daughter was in the games a couple years ago. All of these people, they have families, people depending on them to come home. I can’t forget that.”

“You’ve got people depending on you too, Lily.” She looked at him with a narrowed brow. “What?”

“Nothing,” She shook her head and looked away.

As soon as the train stopped, they were both whisked away in separate directions. Lily was quickly introduced to a bunch of people who she was told was her style team, and that she would meet her stylist after she was cleaned up.

She was thoroughly embarrassed over the next hour or so as she was stripped naked and scrubbed clean by this team of beauty professionals. They trimmed her hair and her nails, they waxed her legs and her underarms, they plucked at her eyebrows and put cream on her hands and feet. She felt like she was some kind of animal being prepped to go over the fire.

She was underwhelmed when she finally did meet her stylist. A young man who had dreams of becoming a Capital legend. He said one thing that made her decide that she didn’t hate him though. When he introduced himself, he told her that he was sorry that this was happening to her. He was playing along with the spectacle of it all, but Lily understood from his apology that he didn’t agree with it all.

It didn’t count for much, but it also didn’t count for nothing.

 

* * *

 

The ceremony seemed to pass by in a blur. They were put onto a chariot as the tributes were always paraded around on chariots, and then they were being led out by a pair of white horses.

The sounds of the crowd was near deafening as they cheered for them. Their painted faced bore down on Lily and she felt her stomach twist and knot and she had to keep her jaw firmly clenched to keep from screaming anything at them.

She wanted to let them know that she didn’t want to play along with the charade, but she kept her mom and sister’s images in her mind and forced herself to keep quiet.

They were about halfway down the stretch of road that would lead them to President Riddle when she felt James reach over and nudge her hand with his own.

She didn’t really think as she unclenched her fist and desperately clung onto his hand. She didn’t think about what it would look like, or if that had been his intention, or even if he’d nudged her hand on purpose. The carriage was not the smoothest form of transportation and it could have been an accident, she just clamped down on his hand and held on tightly.

She felt James looking at her when she caught sight of Riddle.

Her grip on James tightened as she realized that Riddle was staring directly at her.

James was saying something, but she couldn’t hear him, and then he was lifting their hands into the air and the crowd started cheering even louder.

She couldn’t find the courage to look back at Riddle, but she did look over at James and see him smiling and waving at the people in the crowd.

_Sponsors._

The word rung throughout her mind brightly, as though she’d just been hit with it. She quickly forced a smile onto her own face and started waving as well. The people in the crowd looked beyond pleased, and she hoped that she and James were making a good enough impression that one of them might decide to send her something when the time came.

They stopped in front of Riddle, and Lily didn’t let go of James hand until long after Riddle’s speech was over and he was out of sight.

When they were back in the garage where they had boarded the chariots, she finally let go and felt her knuckles ache at the sudden release of pressure. She looked down at his hand and saw him flexing it, and there were small half-moon indentations on the back of his hand where her nails had been digging into him.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered, looking down at her feet.

“Don’t worry about it, Evans. You kept me from falling off the chariot.” He smiled easily and Lily’s stomach released a bit of the tension that had been coiling there since they had called her name yesterday. It wasn’t much, but it was a noticeable difference that made it slightly easier to breath.

She thought that she might breath even better when she got out of this dress that she was wearing.

She was the cleanest that she’d ever been in her life, while feeling the dirtiest she’d ever been, and wearing clothes that were worth enough to feed her family for an entire year.

Soon, she was shoved into an elevator and reunited with Moody.

Moody looked them both over and swore under his breath.

“What?” James asked, looking down at his clothes. Lily was surprised to see the quality difference between what he’d been wearing and what he was wearing now. Apparently everything in District 12 had a layer of grim and coal on it, because the difference was quite obvious.

“Every year,” Moody muttered. “You’re here for less than a day and they’ve already turned you into one of them.”

“Only in appearance.” Lily muttered, looking around the elevator for a camera.

“It’s there.” Moody muttered. “It’s always there.”

When they stepped off the elevator, they were in the finest room that Lily had ever seen, which had previously been the train cars. But this was infinitely more luxurious and expensive.

“Welcome to your private penthouse!” Dolores was standing in the middle of the room with her arms stretched wide, presenting the room to them. “It’s one of the perks of being from Twelve, as the floors correspond to which district your from! Isn’t that exciting?”

“Means roof access.” Moody muttered under his breath and Lily was glad that he’d thought to let her know, because already she found the gross display of wealth suffocating. This was just another message to the tributes from the Capital. They were only worth spending time and money on when they were about to be slaughtered for the citizens entertainment. If they’d given money to her school instead of buying that crystal chandler over her head, then they would have been able to have nice books for classes.

But then again, they needed the people of District 12 dumb and docile so that they continued to aspire only to work in the mines. There was no need for doctors or scientists in a place you didn’t want to advance.

Lily saw James running his hand through his hair and wondered if he was seeing this room the same way she was or if he was comparing it to his home. Was he wondering how many people the Capital could have helped instead of building all of this? Was he wondering what his parents could have done with their wealth instead of purchasing extravagance? Did he know that the Capital would have punished them if they tried to help too much?

“Dinner will be served shortly.” Dolores said, walking over to them. She put her hand on Lily’s shoulder and smiled at her. “Don’t you both look lovely.” She reached up and pinched Lily’s cheek and Lily had never actually wanted to hit someone before that moment. She really did not appreciate this woman’s hands on her. “Finally, appropriately dressed.” She smiled again and then turned around.

“We’ll go over your schedules for the next couple of days at dinner. Your training will begin soon. We’ll all be busy, busy, busy.” She looked delighted.

 

* * *

 

Later, when they were eating dinner and Dolores and Moody were both telling them of all the things that they had to do over the next couple of days, Lily felt her chest tighten and her airway narrow. It was strange being this acutely aware of her body, but she could feel the muscles in her neck constricting, and she knew that if she didn’t relax soon she was going to start hyperventilating and then she would pass out. She had seen it happen with her mother’s patients.

However, she couldn’t just get up and walk away. There was really nothing stopping her of course, but she couldn’t let herself be that vulnerable in front of these people. Moody has stopped drinking in order to help her and James, if she convinced him that she actually wasn’t capable of doing this, of keeping her cool, then he wasn’t going to want to help her. He wasn’t going to want to hope again, just to be let down.

So, she kept it together until Dolores dismissed her and James, and then she quickly found the stairs that would take her to the roof and let herself have a bit of a freak out as soon as the door closed behind her.

She put her hand over her heart and took in a deep breath, feeling the air come rushing back to her lungs as she sunk down to the floor and wrapped her other arm around her legs, tucking her forehead against her knees.

This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. She didn’t want her death to be a show for these people. She hated these people. She knew that they would cheer as her blood spilled and she didn’t want them to have that.

“I can’t do this.” She muttered, her forehead against her kneecaps. “I don’t want to do this.”

She didn’t hear the door open, but she was suddenly aware that James was sitting on the ground next to her, a hand rubbing small circles on her back. “The numbness wore off.” He said quietly.

“How did you know I was up here?” She asked, remaining in her ball of limbs and stress.

“I saw your face after Moody said that we had roof access. And then I saw your face during dinner. I figured this was the closest we have to an escape.” She turned her head to see him looking toward the edge of the roof. “Wanted to make sure that you weren’t doing anything to… harm yourself.”

Lily looked over at the edge of the roof and laughed. “Would throwing myself off the roof be harmful? It would be a quicker death than whatever I’ve got waiting for me in the arena, no?”

James pursed his lips, the night sky and city lights casting odd shadows over his face. “I suppose.”

“They wouldn’t let us out that easy though. Look,” Lily picked up a pebble near her leg and tossed it over the edge of the roof. It was hard to see in the dark, but the small rock bounced off an invisible barrier and then landed on the ground in front of Lily’s feet.

“What is that?”

“If we were to jump, we wouldn’t fall. We would bounce back, probably set off some alarms. It’s a forcefield.”

James scrunched his nose to scoot his glasses up and squinted. “How did you know about that?” He looked back at her, worried.

“My dad told me about them.” She looked over her shoulder toward the door that would lead back to the penthouse. “Apparently that’s how Moody won his games, why the Capital hates him.” He prompted her to continue with a look. “He was at the edge of the arena; the edge of a cliff and it was just him and this career from District 2. He was going to lose, then he threw his axe over the cliff, dropped to the ground and it came back up, flew straight into the other tributes head.”

James let out a breathy laugh and let the hand that had been on her back fall into his lap. Lily sat down properly and crossed her legs underneath her. “He weaponized the Capital’s forcefield.”

“Used them in a way he wasn’t supposed to. That’s why his family is gone now. I heard they turned his younger sister into an Avox.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.” Lily nodded. “We’re going to be busy over the next week.”

James nodded. “They’re going to get everything they can from us.”

“It’s not fair.” Lily repeated.

“No. It’s not. What can we do?”

Lily laughed. “Well that’s the thing isn’t it? There’s nothing we can do. We don’t have any power, or weapons or… anything. They hold all the cards.” She knew of some victors that had tried to use their positions to call for an end of the games. Marlene McKinnon, Benjy Fenwick… rumors said that Marlene’s entire family was dead now and Fenwick was being used to please the Capital citizens in a more carnal way.

James didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. Lily took another deep breath, trying to pretend that the air here wasn’t also different than it was back home, and then stood up. “Well, we should probably go to bed. We’ve got training all day tomorrow.”

James nodded and also pushed himself to his feet. “Right. Don’t want the careers thinking we’re even lower down on the food chain than we are.” Lily gave him a tight lipped smiled and then they went back inside.


	6. Chapter 6

James didn’t sleep well that night, though he didn’t expect that anyone in his position had ever slept well. He also didn’t expect to sleep well for the rest of the week.

It should have terrified him, to think that he’d be starting this death match off sleep deprived, but it was just another thing to add to the ever-growing list, and like Lily had said earlier, he found himself going numb just from the sheer volume on _everything._

His style team came in to help him get ready around seven, even though getting ready simply included putting on a track suite of sorts, and then they combed his hair for him. He sat there, feeling far more like a child than he normally did. He remembered that last year, the boy from District 12 had only been thirteen.

He couldn’t remember how he died.

Breakfast was a subdued affair. Moody came in late, his eyes bloodshot and James wondered if he also didn’t sleep well last night.

He didn’t ask him of course.

Moody rode down in the elevator with James and Lily after breakfast.

“Remember,” He said, his voice sounding almost hoarse. He cleared his throat, but it didn’t help any. “Stick with the survival skills today. You don’t want to play all your cards on the first day or you’ve got no where to go. Stay in the middle of the pack. You don’t want them to think that you’re a threat or that you’ll be too easy to pick off.” He looked at James and then at Lily. “Stay together.”

“Stay together?” Lily repeated, but in the form of a question. Moody sighed and rubbed his hand along his jawline.

“Yes. You’re a team for now. The kids from our district never get far and they always die hard. Stay together, show them that you’re a team. They’ll be expecting that anyway after your show of solidarity yesterday.”

“We were just trying to get sponsors yesterday.” James said, before Lily could say anything about how holding hands had been his idea. Though from the way her head dipped, he wasn’t sure what she had been about to say. He had suggested holding hands, nudged her hand with his own, but he hadn’t seen any kind of recognition on her face before her vice like grip attached to him. He was pretty sure he had faint bruises from where her nails had dug into him.

He didn’t bring any of that up though.

“And today you’re trying not to make enemies of every single person in the room.”

“We can do it.” Lily said, whether it was to appease Moody or because she agreed with him, James couldn’t tell. “Middle of the pack. We can do that too.”

Moody looked to James, so he nodded.

The elevator doors opened, and he and Lily stepped out.

“Good luck.” Moody said. “Survival skills.” He reminded them, and then the doors were closing, and he was going back up the penthouse.

“He’s not a whole lot of help, is he?” James asked, grinning over at Lily.

She shrugged. “I can’t blame him for not wanting to get too invested.”

James narrowed his brow. “That’s his job though. He’s supposed to keep us alive as best he can.”

Lily looked over at him and gave him a look. “Well, how many victors has he had since he’s become a mentor, James? It has to be pretty disheartening to be told that you’re in charge of helping children and then watching them die every year regardless of what you do. It probably just became easier to distance himself.”

James felt a bit dumbfounded. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Forget about how you’re feeling in order to figure out how others feel?” James had never been very good at working out how others were feeling, unless it was obvious. He tried with his friends especially, but Sirius and Remus and even Peter were all pretty good at keeping their cards close to their chest. Remus wouldn’t even let them know if he was feeling particularly unwell most days.

“I don’t forget how… I don’t know what you mean. I just pay attention, I’m not doing anything special.” Her cheeks had gone a bit red, and James noticed that, but he didn’t know why they were red. He didn’t guess that it was the awe in his voice that had gotten to her, that she wasn’t used to having anyone speak to her like she was anything special.

“I can’t do that though. It makes perfect sense, what you just said about Moody, but I never would have thought of it on my own. It’s a skill. An important one. You’re almost a mind reader.”

Lily laughed and shook her head, then she looked around the room to make sure that none of the other tributes that were in the room had noticed. She stopped walking and looked at James. “I’m not a mind reader. And I could be completely incorrect. I’m just guessing because that’s how I would feel if I were in his position. I felt numb yesterday for a bit and I’d only personally been a part of this all for a few hours. Imagine how this constant fear and stress would wear on a person after decades.”

James raised his brow and took a deep breath, looking back toward the elevator even though Moody was long gone. “I suppose you would lose the fight after that long.” He didn’t want to think that he’d have turned out like Moody if he’d been in the same situation, but he supposed that there was no way for him to know unless he won these games and then lived another twenty years as a mentor.

Just the thought of being a mentor for that long was exhausting. “Okay, you feel like you’re stating the obvious, but all that is emotional intelligence that I lack. I wish I had it, I try to have it, but I just don’t. I mean think about it, I used to tease you on the playground thinking that if I had your attention that would mean that we would become friends. You thought I didn’t like you because I wasn’t being nice. Clearly, your version of the situation makes more logical sense, but I still thought, at the time, that I had it all figured out.”

Lily smiled at him again and shook her head. “Yeah, I suppose you’re a bit of a disaster, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” James was smiling too.

“You helped me yesterday after dinner.” She said, looking down at the floor again. “I didn’t say anything to you, and I tried to sneak off, but you knew where I was going and that I was a wreck. You’re not giving yourself enough credit.”

“And now you’ve over corrected.” James grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Come on, let’s go and learn some stuff.” She waved her hand and then started toward the knot tying center. There was a guide there who showed them ten different knots over the next hour and James’s knuckles were sore by the end of it. The rope was rough, and his fingers hadn’t been used to moving like they needed to in order to tie some of the more intricate knots.

Also, one of his hands was bruised.

Lily told him to pick the next center, and the fire building stations seemed like a necessity. James found himself in awe of Lily yet again when she already knew how to build a fire without any instruction from the guide.

Then they went to the edible plants center, another center that Lily excelled at. James then took them too the fishing center, a center they both struggled at.

“Why do these lures have to be so intricate?” Lily huffed in frustration as her little feathers fell off of her lure yet again.

After that, it was lunch time. Unfortunately, lunch was with all of the tributes in a cafeteria of sorts, they weren’t permitted to go back to their rooms and eat with their mentors.

Lily and James gathered their trays, which all seemed to have a very measured and exact meal for each individual. It didn’t look particularly appealing, but James was sure that it was chop full of nutrients.

“Where do we sit?” James asked, as there was not an empty table available for them slink over too and remain unsocial.

“I don’t know.” She sounded far more nervous than James felt, so he stood up straighter and decided to take the lead in this situation. She may be better at tying knots, building fires and finding edible plants, but he knew how to talk to people, even if she also had him beat at understanding them.

He looked at the tributes from District 11, a district as poverty stricken as their own district and made eye contact with the male tribute. He nodded at James, and James took that to mean that he wouldn’t mind terribly if James and Lily join him and the female tribute.

“James and Lily, right?” The boy asked. He didn’t look like he could be older than fifteen, and while that was only a couple years younger than James, he felt like the gap felt very large. The girl was even younger.

“That’s right.” Lily nodded, giving them both a smile. “And you’re Dennis and Amelia, yes?”

The girl nodded and James felt sick to his stomach. How many times had he sat before the television and watched a child her age die at the hands of another child? How many times had he pretended that he hadn’t been crying over it?

He was starting to feel like he was too soft for these games. They were going to do more than just kill him, they were going to tear out who he was and shred him to pieces. That thought terrified him more than anything else.

He felt Lily’s hand on his shoulder and was startled out of his thoughts. He blinked at her and she cleared her throat and removed her hand.

“They want to know about Remus.” She said, nodding to the kids from District 11. Another pair of younger kids from District 8 had joined their table as well, looking at James earnestly.

“They cut the feed after you said he was sick. We didn’t see anything else.” Amelia said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, making herself look even younger.

“They got us both off the stage pretty quickly after that. Our district said goodbye and then we were pushed into the Justice Building.” James shrugged.

“What do you mean your district said goodbye?” The boy from eight asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. “In eight, only your family says goodbye.” James felt a bit flustered talking to these kids that he was going to be expected to kill in the arena.

“We have a salute that we give to people who have died in twelve,” Lily said, moving her food around her plate as she explained for him. “We hold up three fingers on our left hand after touching our lips.” She was quiet and looked over her shoulder. “It was a dangerous thing for them to do.” She added once she was satisfied that either no one was listening or that there was no reason for her to care if someone was listening.

“Dangerous to say goodbye?” Dennis asked, pulling apart a green bean on his plate. His plate had much more food on it than James’ did.

“It was rebellious.” James said, and Lily elbowed him. Apparently saying it outright was against the rules. “What?” He asked. “Are you afraid that they’re going to have me killed or something?” He wanted to smirk after that, but the pit of nerves in his stomach wouldn’t let him.

Lily clenched her jaw.  

“Your whole district did that?” Amelia asked. “Wow.”

James shrugged. Was it a big deal? It should have been, but he knew that nothing was going to come of it. He was still going to die in the arena.

 

* * *

 

After lunch they went back to training. James let Lily chose what they were going to do, figuring that anything she learned was more useful than anything he would learn. He instead chose to pay more attention to the other tributes in the gym. The pairs from the first few districts especially. Districts One and Two won almost every year, he’d have to pay them special attention.

They went back up to their rooms by themselves. James wasn’t sure if Moody was meant to come and fetch them, but he didn’t worry about it much.

“You seemed distracted.” Lily said as they reached the fifth floor. “After lunch I mean.”

“Guess I realized that I don’t have a chance in hell.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve known that before now, of course, but it sort of hit me all over again after we talked to those kids.”

He saw Lily narrowed her brow and open her mouth before she closed it again and looked away. “Are you saying that you’re not going to try?” She asked after a moment of silence. The elevator was at ten now.

“Of course I’ll try, I don’t know how to give up.”

“Then you have a chance in hell.” She said, nodding her head as though it had just been decided that he wasn’t going to die. He smiled at her, wondering how she had become this good and kind person in the world that they had grown up in- in the world that _she_ had grown up in. Always hungry, always tired, always wondering if she’d have enough to eat, enough to help others. How had the capital missed that? How had they managed to overlook such beauty and strength in District Twelve.

Luckily, she didn’t notice him staring at her because the elevator doors opened, and she stepped out only to be pulled into a loud and frantic conversation with Dolores.

James didn’t even hear the first half of what she said, he was still too distracted by everything that encompassed Lily Evans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, and that's a wrap for this weekend. You know, I quite like having almost the entire story finished before I start posting. Maybe I should do this more often.
> 
> Reviews are always super appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know these chapters are coming at you a bit later in the day than I normally post, but I was being social this morning/afternoon and it is what it is.   
> Are you ready for the interviews??? I hope so :)

“The interviews are fast approaching!” Dolores shouted at her and James as soon as they stepped out of the elevator.

After trying to talk James into not stepping off his platform and blowing himself sky high, it took her a moment to comprehend what Dolores was talking about.

The games, the interviews, right. Another chance for the people to get a good look at the children who would soon be murdering each other for sport. They wanted to feel as though they knew them so that it was more visceral for them later. So that they would cry when their favorites died.

“We’ll be preparing tomorrow afternoon and then all of the following day.” She said, waving her hands in a flourish. “All day!”

Lily narrowed her eyes at the woman and wondered, not for the first time, how someone could come to be like Dolores Umbridge. The woman absolutely foamed at the thought of children dying. It wasn’t even the game that she was into, it was the violence and the torture that she got off on. She would make an excellent Gamemaker.

“That’s fine, but dinner is first.” James said and Lily found herself smiling at him again. She needed to remember to keep up the wall that was naturally between them. Afterall, he was going to be dead in a few days if she was to win the games. And she _was_ going to try and win them.

Training had done much to boost her confidence in herself. Those first few Districts might train their kids in hand to hand combat, but they wouldn’t know how to forage for food, and who knew if the Gamemakers would even give them any food. One year they gave all twenty-four tributes nothing but a dozen bags of peanuts. Almost everyone died of starvation that year.

Overall, it wasn’t a highly rated game. It wasn’t gory enough.

So, there would definitely be some food, but she wouldn’t have to fight anyone for it since she knew she could find food on her own in almost any terrain they gave her.  

And most of the other survival skills she was good at too. Finding water, shelter, building a fire, first aide. She struggled with making lures at the fishing station, but she didn’t need to know how to make a lure when she knew how to build a fish trap.  

“You look like you’re in your own world over there,” Moody waved his hand in front of her from his seat across the table. She didn’t even remember sitting down. She must have just followed James in a haze.

“There is a lot to take in.” She shrugged a shoulder and then reached to fill up her plate. She’d only been here a couple of days, but her body had already changed its appetite. She’d gone to bed with a horrible stomach ache the first night, but now she hardly paused at all before scooping up whatever it was that was put before them.

“The other tributes you mean?” Dolores asked, quirking a brow. “What did you think of them?”

Lily grinded her teeth together and shrugged another shoulder.

“It’s a good question.” Moody allowed.

James answered for her. “There are a lot of young kids this year.” He stabbed at the potatoes rather violently.

“There are.” Moody nodded. “What about the careers? Did you get a feel for them?”

“They’ve already formed an alliance.” Lily interjected. “And the girl from district 1 has already promised the girl from 5 that she’d be the first to die in the games.”

“Lucky she didn’t promise you anything,” Dolores nearly giggled. Lily didn’t let herself look in her direction.

“Lucky indeed.” James droned, his fork clinking against his plate loudly. Moody smiled.

“You two won’t let the careers get to you, yeah? They hunt as a pack, which makes them more dangerous if they find you, sure. But it also means that you’ll almost always hear them coming.  So long as you can hide, then you can stay alive where they’re concerned.”

Lily thought about that. “How do we know if we’re good at hiding?”

“I’m good at hiding.” James said at the same time and then his ears turned red.

Moody and Lily both turned to look at him and he cleared his throat.

“My mates and I used to sneak in and out of the hob all the time. It’s the only place we could get Remus’s medicine.” He ran his hand through his hair and shrugged a shoulder. “But you’ve got to be pretty good too, yeah? I mean, you’re good at hunting.”

“I’m good at being quiet.” She allowed. “I’ve never really tried to hide. Coming in and out of the hob or otherwise.” Most of the peacekeepers knew her and what she did, as well as what her mother did. She’d sold food to peacekeepers before. They might work for the Capital, but not all of them were more loyal to the President than they were to their stomachs. Living in District 12 meant being hungry, with very few exceptions.

“Well you’ll have to be good at it, or you’ll die.” Moody said, and Lily felt like he’d just dropped stones into her stomach. She looked down at her plate and thought about setting her fork down, but Moody would have something to say about that as well. She sighed and nodded.

“Alright, I’ll be good at hiding.” She said, and then forced herself to take another bite.

“I’m sure you’re already good at it.” James said, looking at his plate as he talked to her. “You seem to be good at all the survival skills.”

“My dad used to teach me how to start fires and find plants we could eat.” She admitted. “He’d take me out to the woods.” There was no reason she couldn’t tell people that now. Her father was already dead, and she might soon be joining him.

“Your dad was a smart man.” Moody pointed his spoon at Lily. “Always was. Glad that he taught you how to survive.”

“Necessary when you’re living in the Seam.” She shrugged. Though she liked to hear that he had a positive opinion of her father, that he seemed to have known who he was.

 ~~

She went to bed that night still feeling like there were rocks in her belly. She laid in her bed for a few hours before she decided to head back up to the roof.

When she opened the door, she half expected to see James there, but she found only an empty hallway. She pushed away the disappointment that she felt and scolded herself for wanting his company. James was not a friend, he never had been and he certainly couldn’t be a friend now.

She watched the lights around the city slowly shut down, though not all of them. There always seemed to be noise emanating from somewhere. People shouting happily, coming home from parties that had probably to do with the Games.

She stayed up there until the sky started to lighten, and then she forced herself to leave. She allowed herself to peacefully watch the earth wake up one last time. Unless she stayed up here this late again, the next sunrise she saw, would most likely be in the arena.

She only managed to get a few hours of sleep before her stylist team woke her.

She went through more training for the duration of the morning, James sticking to her side because Moody told them to remain a team for now.

But when they went back to their living quarters, Moody split them up for separate training for the interviews.

“You both just need to focus on different things. Otherwise I’d keep you together still.” Lily, who didn’t want to get any closer to James than she already had, was fine with their training separately. Or at least that’s what she said aloud. When she was alone with Moody and Umbridge, she missed having someone beside her that was going through the same thing that she was.

She didn’t manage to get much more sleep that night than the previous, though she did make herself stay in bed. And before she knew it, her stylist team was in her space again, pulling her out of bed and preparing her for her interview with Ludo Bagman.

It was a blur of plucks and pokes and smears and then she was being stuffed into a gown that seemed too small for her, impossibly. She knew that she’d managed to grow accustomed to the capital food to some extent, but she still looked as though she’d been starving for most of her life. That wasn’t something a few nights in a nice bed and as many nice dinners could strip away.

But then she was shown her reflection and she had to rethink everything.

_Who was that girl?_

She had to reach up and touch her face to make sure that it was actually a reflection that she was looking at.

Her hair was pulled half up, the rest of it curled. Her skin looked pale still, but had a porcelain look to it now. There were no bags under her eyes, despite not having slept nearly enough the night before. Her lips were a soft pink, her eyebrows had been perfectly manicured, there was gold and pink dust coating her lids. She looked like a girl who might have grown up here in the Capital, though more subtle than what many people chose to look like.

“Do you like it?” Dolores asked, nearly twittering in excitement and approval of Lily’s look. “You look so proper!” She reached out as though she were going to pat Lily on the cheek and then thought better of it. “Mustn’t mess up your face.” She muttered and then turned around. “I’ll go and find James, then we can go together!”

Always so excited to lead them closer to their death.

Lily walked out of her room and went to stand near the elevator. She wasn’t waiting long, and then James, Moody and Dolores were all walking around the corner to join her. She found herself looking at Moody for approval, not that he seemed to have a good sense of fashion, but she felt as though he knew what he was doing now that he was trying.

She hadn’t noticed that James had stopped walking until Moody stopped at the elevator doors and looked behind him.

“Well?” He called back to James, who started shaking his head and he stepped forward. “We don’t have time for ogling, we’ve got places to be.” James’s ears were red when they all piled into the elevator. It hadn’t felt too small earlier when they’d all rode down together.

“You look beautiful.” James said quietly, standing next to her.

“I look like one of them.” She said, a wave of self-consciousness washing over her.

“Not at all.” He countered. She looked at him and thought that he looked like he had more to say, but he pressed his lips together and then forced his gaze forward.

Lily took a deep breath and then did the same.


	8. Chapter 8

James’ stomach was a ball of nerves.

Moody had told him that it was probably a good idea if he told Ludo about his crush on Lily. He said that it would make people sympathize with the pair of them. Easier to get sponsors and the like.

James understood this, he knew that if he were watching the games and some poor sod got in front of the camera and told the entire world that he was in love with the girl who had come to the games with him, James would feel for that unlucky bastard.

He just wasn’t sure if he was ready to _be_ that unlucky bastard.

Publicly.

Nor was he sure if Lily would be ready for it.

He should have told her last night what he was planning on doing. Moody had told him to keep his trap shut until the interview, but James wasn’t so sure. Lily didn’t seem the type to like surprises, and she was having enough thrown at her as it was.

But if she asked him not to… well then, he probably wouldn’t. And it was a good plan, it would help her out as well. If people sympathized with her, then she would get sponsors. And if she got sponsors, then she would get gifts in the arena when she needed them.

He tried to rationalize it all in his head before remembering that he didn’t need to feel guilty about anything. He was going to be dead in a couple of days and then what would it matter? All he wanted to do with the last few days of his life, was make sure that he did _something_ helpful and good. Getting Lily help seemed like a decent thing to do. It was what he wanted to do.  

He really was an unlucky bastard.

They finally stepped off of the elevator, only to be shuffled around for a good hour before they were being pushed into place behind stage. James could hear the crowd cheering as Ludo made his way onto the stage.

Lily stood beside him, but he would be going last.

“Do you know what you’re going to say?” He asked her, wondering if that was a question he was allowed to ask or not, especially given the fact that he wasn’t going to tell her what he was going to say. But he hadn’t talked to her since yesterday morning during training.

“Depends what he asks, doesn’t it? Moody didn’t tell me to say anything specific.” She bit her lip, but then stopped immediately. “Did I mess up the paint?”

“You mean the lipstick? No, you didn’t.” He grinned at her. It was the little things. That was all he had left to enjoy.

“What about you? Did he give you a plan?”

“Yeah,” He said, unable to completely lie to her. “But I suppose it’s like you said. I gotta answer Ludo’s questions.”

“At least we get to go last.” Lily said, glancing at the screen nearby, watching as the first tribute from District 1 walked across the stage. He was more than just a career, he was a legacy. His older brother had won the games a few years back. “We’ll get to watch what they all say.”

“That sounds like it should be helpful.” James nodded, but the truth was, the longer they waited, the more anxious he became. And he couldn’t be anxious when he was out on stage. It would come across staged or insincere, and that wouldn’t be helpful at all.

Before he was ready, he was watching Lily walk across the stage. He held his breath as she smiled at the crowd and then took a seat across from Ludo. He didn’t know how she appeared to be at ease when she had to be just as nervous as he was on the inside.

“So, Lily,” Ludo leaned close and put a hand on her hand. “Can you tell me what your favorite part of being in the capital has been? I mean, there must be so much that you aren’t used to, being from Twelve.”

He saw her jaw tighten before she answered, he felt some kind of pride knowing that he was probably one of only a few people that could tell that she was annoyed in this moment.

“My favorite part of being in the capital?” She repeated part of the question and pursed her lips as though she was thinking. “Do I sound like a little girl if I say it’s the chocolate?” She grinned, reaching up to cover her mouth with her hand. Ludo laughed and shook his head, making some proclamation about how it was his favorite part of the Capital too.

James knew that it was all for show, the laughing and the smiling and the joking, but he found himself smiling along anyway. Lily was beautiful no matter what she was doing,

And then she was walking back across the stage and it was James’ turn to walk out. Lily gripped his hand in passing and whispered, ‘Good luck’ and he felt himself bolster.

He was doing this for her.

Ludo was standing when he found himself in the middle of the stage, his arm stretched out, and James took a deep breath and felt as though his mind had been flung back into his body as he reached out to accept Ludo’s handshake.

His nerves disappeared, his mind felt clearer than it had in days. He felt more like himself.

“James Potter,” Ludo said, taking a seat and motioning for James to do the same. “James Potter.” He repeated. “You know, you’ve caused a bit of a stir.” He said, leaning over so his elbow was on his knee.

James wanted to look relaxed as well, so he pulled his leg up and rested his ankle on his knee, nodding. “I suppose I have.” He agreed with a smirk.

“That boy that you volunteered for,” James was momentarily thrown. Sirius, Remus and Peter were probably watching this interview at his parents’ house right now. Everyone he knew was watching him and that was more unnerving than knowing that a bunch of strangers were currently judging his worth as an entertainer.

“We have the footage, don’t we?” Ludo wasn’t looking at him, he was looking off stage, and they must have said yes, because then Ludo was directing attention to the large screen behind them. James didn’t turn to look, he didn’t want to see it all again. He narrowed his brow and kept his gaze on his knee that he’d propped up.

He felt like he was on a see-saw. He’d be up and feel as though he was in control of what was going on around him, he was confident and self-assured. But then the see-saw would crash back down to the ground and he’d remember that there was no part of this entire orchestration that he was in charge of, including himself. The only thing that he got to control, were the thoughts going through is mind. And even that statement had qualifiers.

“Can you tell us about that moment?” Ludo asked, “You looked surprised to find that you had raised your hand.”

James didn’t want to share the truth, but that was exactly right. He _had_ been surprised to find his hand in the air. He nodded, his head feeling as heavy. “Remus is like a brother to me.” He said, forcing himself to look up.

“Yes, but my friends backstage found a bit of footage that everyone here has yet to see,” He said mysteriously, causing James to crinkle his brow again. “And I for one certainly find it interesting. Would you all like to see it?” He asked, as though he might not have made up his mind on whether or not he was going to play the clip. James had no clue what it was going to be or how he was supposed to swing from Remus to fancying Lily.

But that wasn’t an issue.

Because the crowd cheered, and Ludo winked at them before turning back to look at the screen. James looked this time as well. There was Dolores standing up on stage, she said _ladies first_ and James’ heart started pounding in his ears because he knew exactly what was about to be shown in front of all of Panem.

Instead of staying on Dolores, or panning out to Lily, who was about to be called, the camera shot over to James, Remus, Peter and Sirius. When Dolores called her name, the camera zoomed in so that only he and Sirius were in the shot.

They didn’t have the audio, but the crowd watched Sirius grab his arm and mutter something to him. And then, and James didn’t know if this footage was from when Lily’s name or Remus’s name was called, they did a close up of his face looking extremely distraught and James had to look away because no one should ever have to see their own face, that large, while knowing that everyone else was also looking.

He reminded himself that this was what he wanted. It also dawned on him that it might be what the Capital wanted too. They didn’t want the reason James volunteered to be because he disagreed with who should be allowed to be in the games. Love was a good reason, much more effective and entertaining than dissent.

The crowd was cheering, though it was a tentative cheer, they weren’t quite sure what they were cheering for yet.

Ludo had his brows raised expectantly when James looked over at him. “You want to let us know what your friend said to you?”

James thought about lying, “He was telling me not to do anything stupid.”

“And why did he think that you were going to do something stupid?”

James’ hand went into his hair and he took a deep breath, shaking his head slightly. “Probably because I’ve always been a bit stupid around Lily Evans. I’ve had a- um, I’ve fancied her since we were nine or so.” His hand was still in his hair. And that’s when the crowd pieced it all together and actually started freaking out. They played the clip again silently as Ludo went on.

“He was trying to stop you from volunteering to come here with her.”

“Sirius thought I was going to volunteer, yes.”

“And,” Ludo was leading him, he could feel it. He wondered if he already knew somehow that this was James’ plan from the beginning, or if the fact that James was going along with it was just a cherry on top of his sundae. James wondered if he would have felt better about the whole thing if he’d brought it up himself. “And do you think you would have volunteered earlier if he hadn’t been holding your arm down?”

James looked out at the crowd, they were ravenous as they waited for more details. “You said yourself, my hand popped up awfully fast.” If he was vague, then it wasn’t technically a lie.

There was more cheering for that answer. “Oh,” Ludo was frowning now, “But what luck! What terrible luck for you both to be in the games! There won’t be a happy ending!” He sounded like Dolores somehow, when he said that. His words and tone suggesting two different things. 

“Don’t go wasting tears over that,” James said, falling back into the smooth tone he had when he first walked out. All of this was a game, he just had to keep that in mind. “I said that I’ve been a besotted fool, I said nothing of her returning the feeling. I can only hope that she’ll make it through the games.”

There was a collective ‘awe’ from the audience and then Ludo stood up, deciding that was a good line for him to leave on. When James shook his hand, Ludo pulled him in for a hug, “Way to end things with a bang, kid,” He grinned. His breath reeked of wine.

James nodded, waved to the crowd and then turned toward the exit.

He felt Lily’s glare before he saw her, and it made a chill shoot down his spine.

He stumbled forward as her hands made contact with his back, then she almost shoved him into a wall.

“Why,” Her face was red when he managed to turn himself around, “Why would you say that?” Moody came out of nowhere, limping more quickly than James had ever seen him move and hooked his arm around Lily’s middle before she was able to shove James again.

“You’re going to get yourself into real trouble, Lily,” He said, in a tone that James guessed was meant to be soothing. “You’re not meant to fight with the other tributes before you’re in the arena-“

“I know the rules!” She shouted, prying his arm away from her and taking a good three large steps away from everyone. “But that has to be against the rules too. You can’t just go out in front of everyone and make up whatever story strikes your fancy!” James blanched. He’d been expecting her to be upset, but not at this level and not for that reason. She thought he was making everything up? He’d made nothing up!

And he was about to tell her just then when Moody put a hand on his shoulder and spoke for him. “I told him to say all that.” His voice was less patient now. “You want to fight and shout at someone, then I’m who you’re looking for. I told him to go out there and wax poetic about how he was mooning over you for the last decade,” Moody’s grip tightened on James shoulder now to remind him to keep his mouth shut. It was funny how James knew that’s what he wanted, even though he hadn’t known Moody for all that long.

“Why would you tell him to do that?” Lily shouted again. Moody had invited her to do so, but that didn’t stop James’ hand from jumping up to his hair. How stupidly brave did you have to be to shout at Moody? He had one eye and half his left leg was missing, which left him looking rather terrifying. But on top of all that, his presence would have been enough to freeze you to the spot if he wanted to. Lily seemed immune to it all. “You had no right to go and make that plan behind my back! To make plans that affect _me_ without _me_.”

“Oh? Did you decide that you don’t trust me anymore? You don’t want me to be your mentor?” Moody asked, letting his hands drop to his sides as he took a step toward her. “Because part of this gig is making decisions without you, and you’re just going to have to be okay with that.”

Except James understood how Lily felt. “We should have told you.” Lily and Moody both looked at him. “Guess we figured it would be easier to ask for forgiveness.”

“What’s the big deal, anyway?” Moody scoffed. “It’s not like he went out there and told everyone that you’d been secretly married for the last year. You don’t have to do anything other than reap the benefits of him having made you look desirable.”

She’d deflated a bit, but she was still angry with Moody, it was written all over her face as she started him down. “The amount of time that I have left to make decisions for myself is limited. Please,” She gnashed her teeth together. “Please don’t do this again.”

Moody could have told her that he wouldn’t have the opportunity to do it again, because this was the only interview before they went into the arena, but he didn’t. He had the courtesy to look ashamed and then nodded his head. “Just figured that if I turned you into star-crossed lovers, I’d have an easier time of getting sponsors for you. It’s not something that’s been done before, so it hasn’t been over done and people seem to like it so far,” He motioned back in the general direction of the audience.

“Fine. You should have told me though.” She reached up and started pulling pins out of her hair. “Let’s get back to our floor now. I want to get out of this stupid dress.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a couple of notes first. I realized as I was editing this chapter that I forgot to have the Gamemakers score the tributes. You know, Katniss gets an 11 and Peeta gets an 8? I forgot to do that. I don't really know how, but I did. It was supposed to go in before the interviews. Instead of going back and trying to piece it into some chapters that have already been published, we're just going to skip over that. It's not a super important part of the story and I don't think it's come up at all in the other 60k+ words that I've written, so we're just going to go with it.
> 
> Am I upset about it? A little, but mainly because I've read and watched the Hunger Games about a million times and I don't know how I forgot something like that. smh.
> 
> Anywho, please enjoy! And Happy Easter!

Lily had thought she’d done so well.

She’d smiled, and she’d laughed, and she bantered with Ludo, even though she’d rather have been plucking the stupid green hair from his head. She’d had the audience on her side, she’d made them laugh a couple of times, she figured that she’d made a good impression, even if it wasn’t a completely memorable one.

And then James went out there and-

Well she knew that he hadn’t brought it up. Ludo had brought it up. Even if Moody had told her that it had been the plan all along for James to talk about how he _fancied_ her something awful.

But then there was the issue of the footage.

Sirius had grabbed James’ arm when her name was called. He’d told him not to do anything stupid. She hated that she could hear Sirius saying that. She didn’t know him all that well, but it was impossible to go to school with Sirius and not be familiar with the sound of his voice. And she could imagine the entire thing like she’d been standing in front of them instead of having the worst moment of her life just a couple dozen feet away.

Sirius had thought James was going to volunteer for her, to try and help her survive the games? Why would he think that? James didn’t- he couldn’t still-

There was a knock on her door, and she shook her head, glad for a distraction. Because even if he did fancy her, it didn’t matter, not really. They were going into the arena in the morning and only one person would be walking out, and the odds weren’t exactly in either one of their favors.

She was wearing a set of grey pajamas now, her hair down as she normally wore it, and she felt loads better to be out of the dress that her stylist had picked out for her. It had been pretty, but uncomfortable. Both in the sense that parts of it had dug into her in ways that she was not used to, and in the sense that she just didn’t feel like herself in the dress. At least she was used to the lack of color that these pajamas offered.

She pulled open the door and was only slightly surprised to see James standing on the other side. He’d ditched his outfit as well, and wore pajamas that looked very similar to the ones that she was in.

“Hey,” He said, his hand had already been in his hand. “You want to go to the roof?”

Lily bit down on the tip of her tongue. “We should really get some sleep tonight.” She said, though just like every day since she got here, she was itching to get outside, even if the only outside she had was the roof.

“We should.” He nodded. “Probably won’t get much sleep myself, but you’re right. We should sleep.” He didn’t move though, he just stood in front of her and waited for her to reply.

“Fresh air couldn’t hurt. We can’t be out for too long though.” She walked over to the bed and picked up a small blanket that had been draped across the end and wrapped it around her shoulders before she walked back to the door and followed him out to the roof.

They sat down on the ledge and James let out a big sigh. “I want to apologize. And not just for what happened today, but for all of it. I don’t know if it’s the impending doom hanging over my head, or what, but I don’t want to leave things between us how they are.”

Lily bit the tip of her tongue and shook her head. “Things aren’t any way between us.”

James didn’t seem to like that, but he shrugged a shoulder. “Well then I should be honest with you.”

“And what would be the point of that?” Lily asked, leaning back. She should just keep quiet. Let him get whatever he wanted off his chest. Didn’t dying men get last words? And that’s what they were, weren’t they? Just because there was no blood, didn’t mean that their death wasn’t coming.

“The point would be to tell you. So that you know, and so I didn’t keep it to myself. And that’s all,” His hand raked through his hair again, but he looked less nervous and more resigned now. “But I don’t have to tell you anything I suppose. If you don’t want to hear it, that’s your choice. I suppose I said enough today.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear, “I’ll listen.” She said quietly.

James’ mouth quirked up at the corner and he nodded. “Alright. I just want you to know that nothing I said today was a lie. I mean, there was some slight exaggerations thrown about, but I- I do have feelings for you. Even if lately all I’ve been doing is admiring from afar.”

“You weren’t going to volunteer for me though, right?” She asked, feeling her stomach clench. She didn’t want to hear the truth if he was going to disagree with her. She didn’t want to feel as though she owed him some great debt. That wouldn’t be a good way to go into the games.

“No.” He said, shaking his head. His shoulders sagged. “I sort of forgot that it was something you could do. Volunteer for someone, give up your life for them. But then Sirius went and grabbed my arm and reminded me that it was something that I could do. I didn’t think there was anything I could do to help you, and I didn’t want to leave my friends and family for you either. I’m a swot, but I’m not that stupid.” He grinned at her and she grinned back.

“But then Remus’s name was drawn and…” He pushed his glasses up his nose and shook his head again. “He’s been sick for a long time.”

“I know.” Lily said, looking out at the city line. She wished that it wasn’t so pretty. She didn’t want to like anything about the capital. “He’s been to see my mother quite a few times.”

James nodded, probably remembering that her mother was a healer, or maybe he was remembering Remus telling him that he’d been to see Lily’s mum. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t let him come here. It would destroy his parents. They’ve worked so hard to help him, and there’s no way that he would have been able to-“ He cut himself off, his voice strained. “Not that I have much chance either, but my parents will be okay without me. Sad of course, but they’ll be alright.”

Lily narrowed her brow and remembered nearly ever terrible thought she’d ever had about James all in the span of a few seconds. He was nothing like she thought he was, because who she thought he was would never have volunteered to die in his friend’s place.

She reached over and put her hand on top of his. He looked over at her, surprised. “You think my mum will be alright?” She asked quietly. “I didn’t really have a plan for next year when we’d be without the extra food. Hopefully Petunia can figure something out.”

James flipped his hand over and squeezed her hand. “I’m sure that your family will be fine.” He said first. “But I think you could win this.”

Lily frowned and shook her head. “I can’t win.” She said. “I can’t go in there and kill people.”

“Not even to save your own life?” He asked, his voice quieter, almost as though he was asking permission.

In truth, Lilly didn’t know if she’d be able to kill someone to save herself. Sitting here in the quiet and the still, she didn’t think it was possible. But she was only afraid at a distance right now. When she was in the arena, everything would change.

“I don’t know.”

“I think you can win.” He repeated.

oOo

Those were hard words to push to the back of her mind, but she also thought that they might have been the sole reason that she was able to fall asleep that night. It was a restless sleep, and she didn’t feel well rested but still, she had slept.

When she woke up the next morning, she laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, trying not to move in an effort to slow down time.

But far before she was ready to face what was happening, her stylist team had opened the door and told her that it was time for them to get her ready.

She had to look good, all the tributes did. Even though, in just a few short hours, some of them would be gone, and the only people that would remember them would be their families.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as they started tugging at her hair. She didn’t want to look at herself when they told her that they were done. She didn’t want to see what they had done to her. She didn’t want to be some capital doll if she ended up dying in the arena.

Though she caught a glimpse anyway and was surprised to see that she looked very much like herself, even her youth was on full display. All week they had been making her look older than she was, but she didn’t see any make up or paint on her face at all.

She walked out into the main room when she was done and found that it was empty. She knew that it would be empty, but it was still uncomfortable to be out here without James or Moody, or even Dolores’ awful presence.

She knew that Moody had his own job for today, and that he’d spend a good deal of time finding her and James sponsors. Perhaps he already was, though she wished that he’d taken the time to say goodbye to her before she went into the arena. He was really the only person that she had to say goodbye to.

She thought about Mary on her ride down in the elevator. And her sister as she walked down a hallway that she’d never seen before. And she thought of her mother as she was led into a small room with a glass tube in it. She envisioned all of their smiles and tried to hear their laughter as she stepped into the tube, and as one of the Peacekeepers closed her inside of the tube, she took a deep breath and banished everyone and everything from her mind.

The only thing that she could focus on now, was surviving. She was going to do whatever she could do to get back to her family, back to her friends. To get back home.

The platform under her feet started to rise, pushing her up toward the ceiling, but the ceiling wasn’t above her, instead, as it pushed her up, a meadow appeared. Lush, green and surprisingly quiet. The other tributes came into view, and then the countdown began.


	10. Chapter 10

James stood on the platform and frantically looked at the other tributes for Lily. They hadn’t said anything about working together in the arena, and he hadn’t planned on seeking her out, but now that they were actually in the arena, now that he could see the numbers quickly counting down to zero, he felt as though he needed to seriously consider the idea.

His eyes found hers, and even though she wasn’t looking at him, his heart clenched in his chest. She shouldn’t be here. It wasn’t right to see someone like her here.

That wasn’t to say that she was helpless.

He told her last night that he thought she could win the games, and he had been telling the truth. She was a good shot with a bow, she knew which plants she could eat, she could build a fire, and her mother was a healer, so she had to have some medical knowledge as well. To James, that seemed like more than enough to win.

She didn’t want to hurt anyone, but people had won the games without hurting anyone before.

He really should be thinking more about how he could win the games himself.

He locked eyes with one of the careers from District 2 and banished that thought from his mind. He wasn’t going to make it, when he’d said goodbye to his friends and family, there had been something that had felt final about it, something that felt irreversible. He wasn’t going to make it home. He looked back at Lily.

He could help to make sure that Lily got home.

The numbers clicked down to ten, and he looked toward the center of the circle that the tributes were standing in. That’s where all the weapons and supplies were. He’d need to get something if he had any hope of being helpful.

Moody had made sure to tell Lily and James both, about a dozen times each, that they were _not_ to run toward the supplies. The first hour of the games was one of the deadliest, the finale being the only other portion of the game that rivaled it in gore and blood. But not all of the supplies were in the very center. There was a backpack, that looked awfully full, not ten meters in front of him. He could grab that and then start in Lily’s direction.

He looked back at Lily and saw that she was looking directly at a crossbow that _was_ in the center of the arena, he started shaking his head, and to his surprise, she looked up at him and he saw her jaw clench. He understood how enticing it was, they put the bow there because they knew how good she was with it. The Gamemakers had seen her train with it sparingly throughout the week, but that was all it took for them to understand that if she had one in the arena, she would be a force to be reckoned with.

James knew that he was going to have to get the bow and arrow for her.

She’d be a shoe-in if she had the bow and arrow. None of the other tributes would stand a chance. He was choosing to ignore that she’d told him she wasn’t going to kill any of the other tributes, sure, but even if he had spent precious time thinking about that, he still would have thought it would be worth it. Because he would have come to the conclusion that even if she wasn’t going to kill anyone with the bow and arrow, she also would be untouchable with it in her hand. She didn’t have to go for the kill shot to render someone incapable of following after her.

He wasn’t stupid though, and he knew that he couldn’t just run out there and grab it. He may have been in good physical condition, fairly strong and larger than a lot of the other contestants (and not just because he was one of the oldest there,) but he knew that he’d end up beheaded or with his chest acting as the burial ground for an axe blade if he tried to get to the very middle, where the bow and arrow was.

He looked up at Lily and saw that he wasn’t the only one trying to work out how to get it into her hands. She must have felt his gaze on her, because she looked up at him.

He knew that he shouldn’t feel the way that he did, he knew that it was pointless and detrimental to his own chances of surviving, but he couldn’t help it. He’d fancied her for as long as he’d known her, and it was ridiculous, his friends had told him so hundreds of times, but it was still the truth and he knew that he was going to try and help her get out of the arena.

The countdown had reached ten, now, and he tore his gaze away from Lily and started looking around the area closer to him. He wasn’t going to get to the bow just then, but that didn’t mean that he was going to leave empty handed, Moody’s advice be damned.

It was, as expected, a blood bath. Everyone was moving too quickly, and he knew that if he tried to keep track of anything other than his current movements, he was going to end up just another canon sound in the beginning of the games, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to go out like that.

But as he watched people from districts 6,7 and 8 fall, he wondered if perhaps some of the tributes had rushed forward in order to end things more quickly, knowing that they didn’t have a chance at beating the careers. Perhaps they hadn’t wanted to put their families through hoping for the best.

He had the backpack on, and was heading toward the woods when he saw Lestrange slice a knife across the neck of the girl from 11. Her eyes went wide before she felt into a heap, and James almost let it trip him up, he almost stopped running. But there was nothing he could do for her, and he wasn’t going to try and fight Lestrange, so he kept his eyes on the people around him and his feet moving.

His heart was in his throat, the blood was rushing in his ears, and he kept putting one foot in front of the other. He made it to the tree line, and told himself that he couldn’t be relieved, that he couldn’t slow down until he couldn’t hear the screaming that was coming from the center of the arena. He had a backpack full of unknown supplies, he had made it out of the meadow, but that was all. He hadn’t actually accomplished anything yet.

He was clumsy as he ran through the woods, stumbling over roots and brush fallen logs. This wasn’t a terrain that he was familiar with, though he wouldn’t have been familiar with any terrain other than a town, he supposed.

He ran and ran until his legs felt like fire and he couldn’t hear the sounds of another person.

He finally stopped after he nearly ran into a tree, choosing instead to fall against its trunk and wrap his arms around it, leaning over and sucking in large breaths.

He’d done it. He’d survived the initial portion of the games, and he’d even managed to get supplies. He had no idea what was in the backpack, but it was something. He’d left the middle of the arena with _something._ And if the only thing it did was allow him to fill it with rocks and drop it out of a tree onto a passing tribute, then he’d say that it was well worth the effort.

It wasn’t empty though, he knew that. He could hear things rattling around in it as he ran, and now, when he pulled it off his back so that he could go through it, he could hear something rattling around again. He could also hear something splashing around and was grateful to find that there was a full canteen of water.

He drank too much, and realized immediately afterward that he’d drank too much. He didn’t know when he was going to be able to refill the bottle, and it had to last him until whenever that was. He’d seen the lake, but he didn’t know if he could risk going back to the middle of the arena where there was no place to hide.

Furthermore, he found a small jar of matches, a three inch knife, a sleeping bag, some rope, iodine tablets and fever pills.

He found himself looking over the small container of medicine and wondering how much it would have cost back in 12. Actual medicine like this was hard to come by, even in his house they only took it sparingly.

He packed it all back up again and decided to keep moving.

It would be embarrassing to come this far and then be taken out because he had let his guard down to look at a bottle of pills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask me how weird I think it is that my chapters are 5k or more words. Because I think it's very strange and I think that I'm ripping you guys off or something by only posting around 3.5k words at a time. Why? I don't know. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! I finally got them into the arena and this is where things got real fun for me to write!
> 
> Don't forget to leave a review pls and thx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another set of chapters! I hope you all enjoy these chapters, I had a lot of fun writing them in the arena!

Lily managed to find the stream fairly quickly.

As soon as she managed to pull her eyes away from the bow and arrow, she saw the lake situated just behind her and when the countdown ended, she took off running into the woods, to the right of the lake. Just as she’d hoped, it led her to a stream.

She crossed the stream and continued to get as far from the center of the arena as she could before it started to get dark. Then she zipped up her coat, found shelter in the form of a few fallen trees, camouflaged herself with a pile of leaves, and tried to sleep for as long as she could.

She thought that she only slept for a few minutes at a time, but then she opened her eyes after feeling as though she’d been trying to sleep for days, and it was suddenly morning.

She got up, trekked back to the stream and took a chance, reaching out a cupped hand, filling it with water and then bringing it up to her lips. It tasted clean and fresh, but that didn’t mean anything.

So she spent the next hour waiting for any symptoms to kick in. Her stomach didn’t start to cramp or become uneasy, her skin didn’t flush, she didn’t feel faint. She deemed the water safe and took in a few more handfuls.

Now that she’d made it through the first night, and found water, she’d have to go about finding herself some food.

And hopefully before the hunger set in.

Coming from 12, she’d like to think that her tolerance for hunger was better than most people. But she knew that if she went too long without food, especially having spent the last week gorging herself on the capital food, she would lose the ability to think clearly.

She didn’t have any weapons, she didn’t have any tools or string or wire. There was very little that she could do to hunt anything. The best she could manage was breaking off a stick and rubbing the end against a rough rock until there was the start of a point at the end.

She sighed at her pathetic spear and wondered if perhaps she should have risked something yesterday and gone for some of the supplies at the outer edge of the bloodbath.

She stripped her shoes off and stepped into the river, almost smiling when she felt fish swim up against her ankles. If there were so many fish that they were instantly touching her, then it shouldn’t be too hard for her to catch one, pathetic spear or not.

It did take her a while though. The sun was high in the sky by the time she had a fish the size of her hand attached to the end of the spear. It wasn’t much, but it would be something in her stomach.

Building a fire was the easy part, scaling the fish was harder. But she managed to get as much as she could from the fish before she buried what was left near the riverbed so that no one would find the remains.

Then she decided it was time to move.

Once she’d decided to move, fear crept up her back. She had been in once place for too long. She’d taken too long to fish, to cook the damn thing, to peel the small bits of meat out of it. Anyone could have snuck up on her, anyone could have been watching her, lying in wait.

She stomped her feet on the ground, trying to get the fear and anxiety to shoot out of her limbs and leave her be. Worse than having already made mistakes was dwelling on them, which would make her susceptible to making even more mistakes.

She was just about feeling better when the forest went dead silent and a canon went off.

Lily looked across the river, feeling quite certain that all of the other tributes were still on the other side. Not certain enough to not look over her shoulder as well, scan the woods behind her. But it was all still on her side.

And then she heard footsteps pounding on the riverbed and she jumped backward, sinking into the trees and their shadows.

It looked to be the girl tribute from District 7, her brown hair flapping wildly behind her as she ran, her eyes resolutely forward.

Lily could hear her pursuers, but the girl didn’t turn around to look as Lestrange and the other careers came into view. Lily pushed her tongue to the roof of her mouth and willed her breathing to become silent. She knew that it was foolish to think that they would be able to hear her breathing over the sounds of the water, of even over the sounds of their footfalls, but the way that they were all smiling had her blood running cold.

“Running only makes it more fun for us,” Lestrange called out. “More like a sport that way!”

Emma Vanity was from district 1 and she had blood splattered all over her smiling face. Blood of the person that they had just killed.

Lily’s mind jumped to James and she reached up and put a hand around her throat.

What if they had just killed James? What if they were laughing and gleeful as they ran away from his dead body?

She couldn’t take her eyes off of them as they ran, but she felt herself getting sick at the thought of James lying dead someone near her.

She could hear her heart beating in her ears as she watched Lestrange pull a blade from his pocket and stop running. He threw the blade, almost lazily, and it struck the girl in the back of her leg. Lestrange grinned as though that was what he wanted all along. 

“The last one died too quickly.” He said, his tone more serious now, not mocking or jeering. He wasn’t talking to the girl anymore, he was talking to Emma or himself or maybe the people watching this back in their homes.

The capital would go crazy when they heard him say that. It promised that this death would be slow and bloody. The girl from District 7 wasn’t so young that her death would be tragic, it would be fully sport, extreme entertainment.

Lily didn’t know the names of the other careers, she hadn’t paid them enough attention, but she was glad that she didn’t know their names now. She saw the way they all smiled at Lestrange, saw the way they all gathered round the girl, happy to watch him do whatever he wanted to her, and Lily wished that she had her bow with her now.

Thinking that she wished she had it, drew her attention to the bow. It was slung clumsily over the shoulder of the girl from District 2. Lily swore under her breath and then pushed herself further into the woods. She didn’t want to stick around to see what became of the girl. She didn’t want to see what became of those enjoying her death. And she definitely didn’t want to stay long enough for them to spot her. She didn’t want to know what kind of death she had waiting for her at their hands.

As soon as she was far enough away from them, she took off running, back the way she came from. She ran past where she’d fished, past where she’d slept the night before and stopped only because something on the other side of the river caught her eye.

Blood.

The helicarrier must have come and taken the body already, but the blood was still there, staining the ground.

“James.” She didn’t mean to say his name aloud, and she reached up to touch her fingers to her lips after she did. Keeping anymore loose words trapped inside.

Though it probably played well for the cameras too.

Not that she could focus on the actual game at the moment. She had no way of knowing if the blood on the other side of the river belonged to James or not.

The careers hadn’t said anything about who it was that they killed, only that they had died too soon. She supposed that maybe she should be hoping that it was James. If it was a quick death and she didn’t have to witness it, she should be glad. But thinking that she was now in a world that James Potter was no longer a part of…

It didn’t seem possible. He had a light about him that didn’t seem like anyone would be capable of dimming. He was too big, too proud, too _alive_ for a blood stain to be the only thing left of him.

And then she was thinking about all the parents and friends and family that felt the exact same way after watching their loved one die in the games.

And then she felt a bit like a prat for thinking of James as a ‘loved one’ in any sense.

She pressed her palms against her eyes and leaned back against a tree. Maybe the water was messing with her after all.

She stayed hidden for a while, trying to find her footing and convince herself to hope that James was dead. It wasn’t working well, but eventually her heartbeat faded from her ears and she felt somewhat normal again.

Then she stripped out of her shoes and tried to catch another fish.

She was more careful this time, making sure to keep her back to the side of the river she’d been keeping to, and to pause ever five minutes or so to scan the woods in front of her.

She managed to catch a slightly bigger fish than she had that morning, but it was nearly dark when she managed to scale it, which meant that she’d have to be faster with cooking it and picking it apart.

She got more bones stuck in her teeth than she had earlier, but she was a fair bit faster. She had her fire out and buried before the sun was gone and then she stood and looked around.

She wasn’t sure where she should hide for the night. She looked up and thought that it would be nice to climb up in the trees, but she didn’t want to risk falling and injuring herself. That wouldn’t do her any good.

She managed to make it to the start of the second night, but she still didn’t feel like she was any better off than she had been when she was standing on her platform watching the numbers tick down.

She chewed on the tip of her tongue and decided to go back to the fallen trees. She’d makes sure that she found somewhere new tomorrow morning, it would be the first thing she did, but tonight she’d go to the trees.

She was tucked in and out of sight by the time that the capital anthem started to play. Lily dug her fingernails into her palm and held her breath as she waited to see the two people who had died tonight.

The girl from District 7 was shown first and Lily felt a weight fall onto her chest. She wanted to close her eyes, but she couldn’t go any longer without knowing.

The boy from District 9 appeared in front of her and she let out a thick, shaky breath, letting her eyes fall shut. The relief floored her, and she felt tears spring to her eyes. It was a stupid, emotional reaction, but she was as safe as she could be in this awful place and she needed to feel whatever it was she was feeling when she could.

James was not dead, and Lily let herself be grateful.


	12. Chapter 12

Two canons had gone off yesterday. Two canons and James didn’t know if one of them had signaled Lily’s death until the sky went dark and he could finally see that it wasn’t her picture in the sky.

He had felt relieved that she was still safe, that he hadn’t let her die before he’d tried to help her. And then he felt sick at his relief, because that girl from District 7 and the boy from 9 had been important to people too, and he felt disgusted with himself for being glad for the deaths.

He knew that was how the game was designed though. In order to get out of here, everyone else needed to die. He knew that. But it still felt wrong to be glad that two children were dead. Even if it brought him closer to helping Lily, to getting her home safe.

And it wasn’t good to let himself dwell on the guilt anyway, or he would begin thinking about his own family and how they would feel when they saw him fall in the arena.

He hoped that it would be a quick death. Something that wouldn’t be too scarring for any of them back home. He hoped that he didn’t have to do anything too terrible that would tarnish their memory of him.

He hoped they wouldn’t be too upset with him for not wanting to come back after all of this.

It wasn’t just that he thought Lily could make it home. It wasn’t just that he thought that he couldn’t make it home. No, he knew that he was going to have to kill someone before the games were over and he didn’t want to have to live with that on his conscious.

He could just say that he wasn’t going to do it, but he knew that he would when it came down to it. If he saw someone with a knife to Lily’s throat, or if they came at him, he knew that he would try to take their life.

That made him sick too.

It was better not to think too much about any of it.

He should just focus on what it was he was going to do today.

He’d already wasted most of the day by staying up in the tree. He felt safe up there, and he was extra tired today, after spending most of the day worrying about whether or not Lily was okay yesterday and then all the terrible thoughts that had kept him up last night. And on top of that he was fairly sure that he was dehydrated. He knew that whatever he did today, it was going to have to be strategic and slow.

He needed to find water. And soon.

He took out his canteen and unscrewed the cap. There was nothing left, but he needed to check to make sure. He looked up at the sky and wondered if it were too soon to start hoping for a parachute from a sponsor.

He didn’t need one yet though. He knew that. His situation wasn’t that dire yet. And he could find water. He _would_ find water today.

He slowly started packing everything up and then carefully made his way down the tree.

He was about halfway down when he heard some whooping and hollering from his right and he froze, trying to decide if the noise was going away from him, or coming toward him. Should he be climbing back up?

It was the careers of course, and they were coming right at him.

For a brief moment, James thought that they had spotted him, but they made no move to pull out weapons and then the pair from District 1 started going on about the girl that Lestrange had killed yesterday. James almost didn’t hear them as his eyes honed in on the bow that was slung around the girl from District 2’s arm. But then the words started to hit him, and he had to grind his teeth together.

“Did you see the blood vessels pop in her eyes?” The girl asked, sounding enthralled. James’ stomach turned and he started climbing back up the tree, even more slowly than he’d been climbing down.

“I saw.” Lestrange said, his tone wasn’t as cheerful. “But it’s 12 that I want. There’s something special about that girl and I’m going to be the one to take her down.” James’ fingers dug into the bark as he forced himself to stay quiet. Sirius’ voice played in his head, telling him not to do anything stupid.

“I don’t think she’s so special, but sure thing,” The girl said, linking arms with him and smiling up at him. It was like she’d forgotten that only one of them were going to make it out of the arena. “So long as I can watch, I don’t have a problem with that.”

“Your kind of taking all the fun though, Lestrange. If you call dibs on the girl from 12, then we should get the next person that comes along.” This was the boy from District 2, and the girl who had her arm linked with Lestrange glared at him over her shoulder. James realized that she was probably just playing at fawning all over him so he didn’t think to kill her before she could kill him. It was a pretty good plan and it looked to be working for her.

“I don’t know what makes you think you get to call the shots,” She snapped. “If Lestrange wants to kill them all, that’s fine. He puts on a better show than you do anyway. You killed that boy yesterday and it took you all of three seconds to do it.”

The boy looked down at his feet and kicked at a rock. James couldn’t hear what he muttered, but it made Lestrange laugh. “We’re here to put on a good show, buddy. Emma’s just looking out for the people in the capital.” The girl, Emma, smiled really big at him.

“Glad you understand, Rab.”

The boy from District 2 crossed his arms over his chest and looked back over his shoulder. “Why are we even keeping him alive?” He asked, his voice quieter. “He’s nearly useless.”

“Do you want to carry our supplies?” Emma asked, but then she looked over her shoulder and scowled. The boy from 4 was so far back that James hadn’t even noticed him until they pointed him out. “Hurry up, would you? We’d like to get some actual hunting done before the sun goes down.”

“I’m coming!” He shouted. He was wearing a large green backpack that was stuffed to the seams with supplies. James saw rope and food packs and canteens and weapons. He felt his stomach rumble and pushed himself further against the tree so he wouldn’t have to see all the supplies that hadn’t come in his pack.

When the boy caught up, Emma reached over and shoved him. “Don’t make us wait for you again.” She snapped and then her and Lestrange started off again. The pair from District 2 laughed and the boy shoved his shoulder against the younger kid as they followed after Lestrange.

The boy stumbled and fell, some of the supplies tumbling from his pack. The hastily reached for them, pushed himself up and then ran after the careers. James didn’t know why someone would willingly spend time with the careers when they knew that they were going to kill him. Perhaps he was hoping to outwit them. Perhaps he was just terrified.

Once he couldn’t hear them any longer, James counted to one hundred and then climbed down the tree. The shot of adrenaline at seeing the careers and then hearing them talk about wanting to kill Lily had drained out of his body now and he felt even more tired than before.

He spun around where he stood and tried to figure out where he was in the arena, but he couldn’t remember. He assumed that the careers had come from the lake, so maybe he should head that way while they were distracted up here. He could get some water.

But they were after Lily, they were hunting her, and James couldn’t run off to the lake when he knew that.  

He ran a hand through his hair and then hit his palm against his forehead. “Just make a decision.” He muttered. He opened his eyes, not having realized that he’d closed them, and something shinny on the forest floor caught his attention.

A canteen.

James didn’t want to let himself hope, but he couldn’t really stop it from bubbling up in his chest. It had been in the career’s supplies, the boy must not have seen it when he was racing to pick up what had fallen, there had to be something in it…

He picked it up and sighed in relief to find it full.

He pulled the cap off and started taking in mouthfuls of the cleanest water that he’d ever tasted. It wasn’t flavored like it had been in the capital, it didn’t have an earthy taste to it like it had in 12, it was just clear and cool and perfect.

He forced himself to stop drinking when it was half gone, knowing that he might need it later, and because his stomach started to cramp up.

He shouldn’t have drunk it that fast, but it couldn’t be helped. He put the canteen in his backpack and then started off in the direction that the careers had gone.

The plan that was forming in his head was a stupid one, and it might get him killed, but it was the first clear plan that he’d had all day and he wasn’t going to give himself time to start doubting it. If he gave himself time to think about it, he’d realize how stupid it was and he might not do it.

Instead, he just kept putting one foot in front of the other and walked deeper into the woods, hoping that the careers wouldn’t turn around and come back the way they had come.

 

Forget being an unlucky bastard, James was a stupid fuck.

That’s what he was telling himself as he slowly inched his way toward the career’s camp that night.

The careers from the first two districts were all sleeping, and they had left a young kid from District 4 to keep watch. But the kid was tired, and James had waited until his head dropped down before he started inching his way forward.

The closer he got, the louder his heartbeat drummed in his ears, and the more sure he was that it was going to wake everyone up.

But the bow was so close now. They had it perched up against a tree, of course the tree that it was perched on also had the kid from District 4 leaning up against it.

James was a stupid fuck.

He slowly took a deep breath through his mouth and then held his breath as he inched his way closer, trying to pay attention to where he stepped and look around at all five of the other tributes at the same time.

He hated knowing that the cameras were most likely on him at the moment too. There was a small chance that someone else in the arena was doing something more dangerous or stupid at this exact moment. But James knew that if he didn’t take this chance now, then he wasn’t going to get another one this good. This was the best scenario that he could hope for. The bow and arrows were together, and not attached to any of the careers, the person that was meant to keep watch was asleep and he had to move quickly and quietly.

He reached the tree, and paused behind it to take another deep breath. He peeked around, at the careers first, and then at the kid. They were all still and quiet.

A terrible thought crossed his mind.

He could take them out just then. He had a knife in his backpack, and he could sneak up to them and slit their throats while they slept. It would be quiet, the chance of him getting to all of them wasn’t great, but he’d get some of them before anyone woke up.

He looked back at the kid. What would he do if he was the one to wake up first and see James with a knife to Lestrange’s throat?

He shook his head and reached for the bow. The faster he could grab it and get out of here, the better. His hand closed around it and he heard someone take in a sharp breath. James froze, not daring to move his hand from the bow, he didn’t move at all.

He couldn’t see the kid, but he could tell that everyone else was asleep. He slowly got his free hand on the knife that he’d been keeping in his pocket, telling himself that it was a last resort.

He heard the kid clear his throat and wanted to slit his throat just for making noise. If he woke up any of the other tributes, James didn’t know what he would do. He didn’t think he was fast enough to outrun all of them.

But then the kid stood up and jumped around a bit, as though he was trying to wake himself up. If he turned around, James would be caught. He still had one hand on the bow, afraid to move too quickly.

Instead of looking around, the kid walked forward a good twenty feet or so and James heard the zipper of his pants.

He let out a quiet sigh and used whatever time he would be granted to silently sling the bow over his shoulder and pick up the pack of arrows. He would have slung those over his shoulder too, but he didn’t want them to rattle around in the case, so he held onto the arrows and took one last look at everyone in the camp before he turned around and started back into the woods, watching his feet more than anything else, since the last thing he needed to do was snap a twig under his foot, or trip over a protruding tree root.

He looked back over his shoulder every few steps until he couldn’t see anyone in the camp anymore. He continued moving silently for another five minutes or so, and then put the arrows on his shoulder so that he could move more quickly.

He got to a clearing in the wood, but paused before entering it. A clearing in the dark didn’t seem safe, there was nothing to hide behind and anyone nearby would be able to see him and get a clear shot at him with any weapon they chose.

But there was something he needed to do before he could find a place to rest for the night. And since he felt dead on his feet, he’d like to get it done as soon as possible so that he could get into a tree and let himself pass out.

He looked up at the sky, ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t think there’s anyway you all would know this, but Lily’s ace with a bow, so if anyone wants to let me know where she is,” He grinned, hoping that the camera was on him now. It should be, since the careers were sleeping. “Or if you’d like to see what she can do…” He wiggled the bow a bit and then nodded.

He knew that the sponsors weren’t permitted to give him Lily’s location, but he was putting on a show here. He would find Lily tomorrow, and because of what he said tonight, there might be sponsors who were willing to get them a nice meal or something that she would appreciate.

He tucked the bow back against his shoulder and walked around the clearing. He needed to find some water tomorrow as well as Lily. He’d gone through all that was in his pack, and he was going to let himself finish off what was left of the careers water before he fell asleep. He knew that he needed more than what he had, and so saving the last of it wasn’t going to be helpful.  

He found a good tree, broad branched and thick leaves, and started climbing. He wedged himself in the nook of a couple different branches, pulling out his sleeping bag and rope and went to bed for the night feeling pretty good. He’d managed to not die, and he’d managed to get the bow and he wasn’t as dehydrated as he’d been the night before. All in all, this was about as good a day as he was going to get in the arena.

Though, he couldn’t hep but hope that maybe tomorrow would be even better. Maybe he would find Lily and he would get to see the look on her face when he handed her the bow. He would get to make her feel safer, he’d get to talk her up and make her actually believe that she could make it home.

Yeah, tomorrow was going to be even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's that. I hope you enjoyed those chapters. Leave me a review below if you please! I love hearing from you all! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I hope you enjoy this weeks set of chapters!

There had been no canons the day before and Lily didn’t know what to make of that. The fact that nothing was happening was making her nervous. Normally if there wasn’t a bloody show going on somewhere in the arena, then the game makers added something to the games to ensure that someone died.

But it was just quiet.

She’d fished, found a new shelter and foraged for some food that wasn’t tiny fish.

Lily didn’t want to stray from the river too far. It was the only source of fresh water that she’d been able to find aside from the lake that was near the middle of the arena, and she knew that the careers would be getting their water from there.

And apart from all the help the river offered her, she also hadn’t seen anyone else around since the careers had been here a couple days ago. She felt almost safe on her side of the river.

She’d found some poisonous berries that morning, bushes full of them, and she wondered how many of the tributes would end up dead with a mouthful of those. She’d thought about crushing them up downriver to try and poison the water supply. But the best she could hope to do to the lake was just make them slightly ill. And possibly not even that, it was a large body of water.

She’d left the nightlock alone in the end, just figured that she’d let the other tributes kill themselves on it and play no part in their deaths.

She knew that she was being dim. She could survive out here in the woods for now; there were fish in the stream and the weather was fairly mild, though it did dip down at night. But that was all because of the game makers. With a flick of a few switches, the fish would disappear, and the weather could get brutal and the edible plants could catch fire or something else equally terrible.

She drank a few handfuls of the clean water, slowly. She had been more cautious the first time she’d drank from the river, but it wasn’t a still body of water and it tasted clean. She also wasn’t showing any signs of having been adversely affected by the water, so she trusted it to some degree, though she wasn’t going to start drinking too much at once, not without iodine tablets or a way to boil it first.

She’d pulled two more fish out of the river by midday, scaled them, cooked them, and then wrapped them in leaves and stored them in one of the pockets of her pants so that she could eat them while moving around. She wanted a way to store the food for more than just a couple of hours, so that when something happened, she wouldn’t be without food. But so far, she hadn’t thought of a solution to that problem.

She popped a bit of the fish into her mouth as she started hearing a quiet ‘pinging’ sound. She looked over her shoulder and then scanned the trees on both sides of the river, but she didn’t see anything. She heard it again, but closer this time, and looked up.

There was a parachute coming down from the sky.

Why was she getting something from a sponsor now? She didn’t need anything.

She caught the silver canister and twisted off the lid. Inside, there was a deceptively small, thermal blanket. She had been cold last night, but nothing that would have warranted Moody spending money on this. She didn’t think it would have costed that much, but sending something now, meant they would get less latter. Had he sent something to James as well?

She shook her head. She wasn’t going to think about James, she’d already decided that. Many times.

In fact, she’d decided that every single time that she’d thought about James.

So far, deciding not to think about him, hadn’t really been working.

There was a note that came with it. All it read was _Stars-Crossed._ Lily didn’t really know how to take that. It wasn’t advice, it wasn’t instructions, it wasn’t really a note at all. Was Moody trying to remind her that she was supposed to be playing along with the story that he and James had come up with? The one that James had told her held more truth to it than fiction?

Now she was thinking about James again.

_Star-crossed._ That’s what the capital had called them in the footage they played after the interviewed. Star-crossed lovers. If she went along with it, it would make Moody’s job easier, he’d told her that. It was a new angle that hadn’t been worked before.

 “I’m going to take this to mean that he’s alright.” She tucked the paper into her pocket and, then put the lid back on the tin, which also fit into her pocket. She hoped that the blanket was warmer than its thin dimensions led her to believe.

She had to move out now. She’d been in one place for too long, she could feel the anxiety creeping up her spine like a spider. She looked over her shoulder and then ducked into the tree line to keep out of sight, keeping the river in view.

She’d head down toward the lake, knowing that if she got too far from the other tributes, or too close to the edge of the arena, the game makers would do something terrible to her in order to get her to turn around. She figured that she’d just skip that step and do what she knew they wanted her to do. Anyway, it wouldn’t be a terrible idea to try and get eyes on some people so that she could see what other people were up to. Why there hadn’t been any movement lately.

 

_Star-crossed._

It had been a few hours since she’d gotten the note and it was already worn from her running her thumb over it as she tried to will Moody’s real meaning out of the paper.

There had to be another reason for him to send that to her, other than just getting her to mention James for the camera. She could have rolled her eyes when she saw it or crumpled it up and tossed it into the river. She didn’t _have_ to play along with the charade, and he had no way of knowing that she would. She had never agreed to it, after all.

But he’d sent it anyway. He’d found that note important enough to send her a blanket that she hadn’t really needed yet.

She knew that he had no information about where the games were going, so the blanket wasn’t a warning. But the note had to mean something.

_Star-crossed._

That was the phrase that had been used about her and James. Because James fancied her and at least one of them was fated to die. It meant that they were unlucky, doomed. But she knew that he wouldn’t want to remind her of that either.

The note had to be about James.

She pulled it back out of her pocket and smoothed it out between her fingers. But that was still all it said. _Stars-crossed._

She blinked and squinted at the paper before quickly smoothening out her features again. Was that a typo? Had he meant to put the ‘s’ after ‘star’? Because that wasn’t right. That wasn’t the phrase. You were star-crossed lovers, you weren’t stars-crossed anything. That didn’t make sense.

She folded it up and thought it over some more while still walking forward.

Stars, plural, could be referring to both her and James separately. He hadn’t added the word lovers to the phrase, so they weren’t lovers, they were the stars. Crossed? Anger was the first definition that she came up with, but that didn’t sound right. She hadn’t been angry with James when she’d last seen him. She’d gone up to the roof with him and listened to him tell her that he thought she could make it home.

She was looking into it too much. Moody wouldn’t have spent time and energy into giving her a coded note. He wouldn’t want _her_ putting time and energy into decoding a note. She had to be alert to her surroundings, not wondering about the placement of an extra ‘s’.

It was probably just a typo.

She heard leaves rustle to her left and immediately went for the bow that she didn’t have. She wasn’t used to being in the woods without it.

She looked for the source of the sound and found a bunny hopping along ten feet from her. She sighed and leaned up against a tree.

James was looking for her.

The thought entered her mind so suddenly, and it felt so absurd, but she instantly knew that that’s what Moody had been trying to tell her. James was looking for her. He’d sent the blanket and the misspelled note to tell her. She brought her hand up to her throat and sunk down to the forest floor.

She didn’t want James to find her.

Did she?

She didn’t like being alone all the time, and he’d proven to be quite good company the week that they’d spent together before coming into this awful place, but she didn’t want to team up with him. Teaming up with someone always left the possibility that they would be the last two left. And then what? She wasn’t going to kill him, and she didn’t think that he was going to kill her either.

But if it was just the two of them, and he was all that stood between her and her family…

No. She wouldn’t do it, she knew she wouldn’t. She couldn’t be left with just him.

But there were still all the careers to contend with and she knew that she couldn’t put up a fight against them either. She would definitely try, but there were four of them and only one of her. And she had no weapons. 

She shook her head and pushed herself up. James could look for her if he wanted to, and if he found her, well she’d figured it all out then. She wasn’t going to worry about something that might not happen. It was a big arena.

But the paper felt as though it was burning a hole in her pocket now. Moody wouldn’t have sent it if James wasn’t close.

She kept moving forward anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

James heard the rushing of the river before he saw it.

He perked up, pulling at his canteen and iodine tablets and picking up the pace. He had been trying to distract himself from how thirsty he really was. The most effective way of doing that was to think about Lily. That even kept him alert, because he couldn’t stop thinking about how she was somewhere in this arena surrounded by who knows who.

But he was at the river now, and he couldn’t distract himself from his thirst any longer. His entire mouth felt dry and thick. Had his tongue always been so heavy and hard to move? It was ridiculous how he couldn’t recall one instance in his life where he’d been thirsty, really thirsty, before this. He wasn’t even hungry yet, because of the snacks that had been in his bag or maybe because his thirst was more overpowering than his hunger. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten anything now that he was thinking about that as well.

He knelt down at the edge of the river and dunked the canteen in, filling it all the way and then he took out the tablets and read the instructions before plopping a tablet into the water. It said that he had to wait twenty minutes for the tablet to work and his heart dropped.

He was here, fully aware of just how thirsty he was, and he couldn’t drink anything?

He heard something snap on the other side of the river. His head whipped around so fast that it made him dizzy. He hadn’t really noticed the signs of dehydration before other than feeling more tired than he probably should have.

It was her red hair that caught his attention.

“Lily?” He called out, maybe a bit too loud. “Lily wait! Come back!” He was definitely being too loud now, but he didn’t care, not as much as he should. He couldn’t let her get away, if she was deliberately avoiding him, then he’d never get to give her the bow.

He was at the tree line, his boots sopping wet from running through the river, but he couldn’t see her any longer. He ran a hand through his hair and thought back to the other contestants. There had been one other girl with red hair, and he was pretty sure that she was still alive. Was it possible that he’d seen her instead?

He knew that it was, rationally. He knew that he was dehydrated and wanted it to be Lily.

But in his gut, he knew that it was Lily. And he knew that she hadn’t gone far yet. “Lily, I got the bow for you. I got it for _you_.” He said, taking the bow off his shoulder and holding onto it by the handle. “I knicked it from the careers while they were sleeping-“

“Are you really that fucking stupid?” Lily appeared from behind a tree, her face red and her fists balled at her sides. “Why would you do a stupid thing like that?” She looked from him to the bow and even though he knew how much she wanted the bow, he couldn’t see that in her face just then. All he saw was anger and worry. “Why would you risk your life for-“

“I did it for you.” He said, holding out the bow. “I told you that you were going to be the one to go home. I thought you’d have an easier go of things with the bow.”

She stood very still in front of him, so still that he couldn’t be sure that she was breathing. She definitely wasn’t blinking. This wasn’t really how he’d thought she’d react- actually, he hadn’t thought about it, but if he had, this _would_ be how he thought she would react.

“Lily,” He held it out a bit further and took a small step toward her.

She reached out and snatched it from him, looking it over as she continued to reprimand him. “Are you out of your mind? You shouldn’t have done this. For about a million reasons, you _really_ shouldn’t have done this. You could have been killed by the careers! And for what? To get me this bow? Why?” She looked up at him now. “Why?” But she didn’t look like she wanted a real reason as to why he did it, she looked like she wanted him to apologize.

He cleared his throat. “We’ve talked about this, Lily. You know why I did it.” She tilted her head to the side and then sighed. Her knuckles were still white on the hand she had clenched around the bow. She had more that she wanted to shout at him, but he’d just reminded her about the cameras by calling back to what he’d admitted in the interviews.

Or at least everyone watching would think he was talking about what he’d said in the interview. He was thinking about after that though. On the roof, when they’d spent their last night of freedom together for a short while.

“Do I get the arrows too? Or should I go make some of my own?”

He cracked a grin and held out the sheath of arrows. “Of course you know how to make your own arrows.”

“Well it’s not like I can buy them back in 12.” She scoffed, talking quieter, though James knew that it didn’t matter how quiet she talked, the mics would still pick up what she was saying. He also didn’t think admitting that she made arrows was going to get her into trouble. They couldn’t be in any more trouble than they already were anyway.

“I guess that’s true.” He shrugged. She reached out and took the arrows as well, pulling one out to examine it. “Go ahead.” He nodded, thinking that the audience might want a little demonstration of her prowess.

“Go ahead and what?” She quirked a brow. She wasn’t thinking about the fact that this was a television show. She was still angry with him.

“Show me what you got, Evans,” He grinned, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his chin up a bit. “I’ve never seen you in action before.”

“And you think I want to put on a show for you?” James’ hand jumped to his hair.

“Possibly.” He threw in a wink, wondering if he would have done that if he wasn’t also putting on a show. He had no way of knowing, as there weren’t any other girls back home that really grabbed his attention as Lily had.

She stood up straighter, and he didn’t know if it was just because he’d challenged her, or if she remembered the cameras, but she withdrew one of the arrows and took her stance. “I’m going to hit the knot on that tree.” She said.

“Wait,” James walked over to her and looked at the tree that she was motioning too. The knot was small, but if she was as good as he thought she was, then she shouldn’t have a problem with it.

He took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest, wondering if anyone else was watching this with a strange flutter in their chest, or if that was there just because he liked Lily more than he should. Or maybe that was his heart telling him to go and drink some water.

Probably a bit of both.

He watched her take her stance again, getting a feel for the bow before she pulled the arrow back and aimed toward the tree. There was a beat of silence and then she let the arrow go, and he thought he could hear it rip through the air. He’d never seen someone shoot an arrow before.

There was a soft thud as the arrow hit something.

He looked over at the tree and sighed. It had all looked mighty impressive from where he stood, but she had missed the tree entirely. There was no arrow sticking out of the knot. “Oh that’s alright.” He said shaking his head. “You’re just not used to this bow yet, try again.” He nodded toward the tree again and Lily looked at him with her brow narrowed.

“What?” She asked. “I didn’t miss.” She said, looking back in the direction that she’d just shot. She reached up and pointed and James pushed his glasses up his nose as he walked up to her. He had to squint a bit as he looked through the trees. 

He didn’t see it at first, because the tree that she’d been aiming for, was much _much_ farther back then the tree that he’d thought she’d been aiming for. “You were talking about _that_ tree?” He asked, his brow shooting up his forehead. “I thought you were talking about- how did you even see that knot?”

Lily chuckled quietly and then started forward. He watched her walk down and retrieve the arrow. He shook his head again as he considered the distance again.

“Bows aren’t for short range targets.” She explained when she was back near him. “You can hit things that are close to you, but when you hunt, things that are close to you can usually hear you. You want to keep some distance, so they don’t try and run off.”

“Sure.” He nodded. “That all makes sense now, but I have never had to think about it before. Your tree was twice as far from us as the one I thought you were talking about.”

“Also your blind.” She smirked. “You can’t see things that are far away.”

James chuckled and shook his head. “That is also true.”

“Are you hungry?” She asked, putting the arrow back into the sheath and then slinging them over her shoulder. She seemed to stand up straighter now. He hoped that she felt as confident as she looked. Because after watching what she could do, and looking at her now, she seemed every bit as formidable as the careers. And they had no idea.

“Not really. I am thirsty though. Do you think it’s been long enough for me to drink my water? My backpack had some iodine tablets in it.” His tongue getting heavier in his mouth as he thought about his thirst.

“I’ve been drinking from the river without problem. I’d say that you’re safe.”

He moved quickly to the other side of the river and picked up his canteen. He knew that you were supposed to drink it slowly, give your body a chance to actually use it or something- he actually knew nothing about why you weren’t supposed to drink it quickly other than you’d get cramps. Because he’d gotten cramps yesterday after sucking down the water the careers had dropped.

Lily had followed him to the riverbed and started making a fire as he sipped his water. Though she stayed on the other side, so he walked back through the river and joined her.

“You haven’t had anything to drink these last couple of days?”

“No, I have. Just not much. I didn’t want to go back to the lake, and I only just found the river.”

“You didn’t want to go back to the lake, but you stole this bow from the careers.”

James shrugged a shoulder. “They were sleeping. I just nabbed it and ran. It was hardly dangerous.”

“You could have went to the lake while they were sleeping. Nabbed the water and ran.”

“I might have nabbed one of their canteens as well.” He said, reaching round and pulling the second canteen from his pack. He filled it up at the river, dropped a tablet in it for good measure and then handed it to her.

“You’re welcome, Lily.” He said, pushing his glasses up his nose and then letting himself take a large drink.

“I didn’t ask you to do it.” She said instead of saying thank you. She wasn’t talking about the water. He shifted on his feet.

“I never said that you asked me to do it. You didn’t. I know that.”

“Then wh-“ She shook her head and went back to tending to the small flame that she’d made come to life.

“You know why.” He said again. He felt as though they had had a moment, the two of them, while on the roof top of the tribute center. And he didn’t want to ruin that moment by sharing it with all of the people watching just then. He’d told her that he thought she could win. He’d told her that he knew that he couldn’t win. If he could use what was left of his life to help her, then at least he was doing something. He wasn’t just waiting for the end, he was being useful.

He hadn’t told her that he was going to help her, but he hadn’t really known at the time. And if he had known, he wouldn’t have told her because he would have known that she wouldn’t react well. She wasn’t the type of person who wanted to owe someone something, especially not when she wouldn’t have a chance to repay him for it.

Lily didn’t turn to look at him, she kept her gaze on the fire. “I’ve got fish.” She said after a long moment of quiet. “More than I can eat before it’ll go bad.”

“Well I’d love to help you get rid of it.” His stomach growled. Now that his thirst was being tended to, his stomach remembered that it was hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, there we have it. Let me know what you're thinking down below, yeah?!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Happy mother's day everyone! I am going to say that that is the reason I forgot to post these chapters earlier.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter may or may not contain some fluff. Proceed with caution.

Her stomach had been in more knots ever since James had shown up with the bow.

Of course, she was thrilled to have the bow, that certainly wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she didn’t know how to talk to him in the arena, when only one of them had a chance of leaving. She didn’t know how to talk to him after the last conversation they had on the roof, where he’d told her that he fancied her and that he thought that she could win. She had barely managed to work out how to talk to him before they were in the arena, and now she felt like she owed him something big, something that she’d never be able to repay him.

He risked his life to get her the bow, and the most she could do was offer him some fish that she’d been keeping in her pocket. That didn’t really feel like a fair trade. Having the bow would help her sleep better at night, the fish wasn’t even going to fill him up if he hadn’t eaten well in a few days.

“I can catch more soon.” She said, looking at his backpack as she said it.

He picked it up and then held it out to her while he finished chewing a bite. “Feel free to look through it. I’m sure you’ll be handier with what’s inside than I am.”

Lily bit down on the tip of her tongue, but took the bag, telling herself she was looking for tools to help her fish more effectively.

She unzipped it and pulled out a sleeping bag, a rope, the box of iodine tablets, a jar of matches and a knife. He’d have been set up quite nicely had he actually known what he was doing. Or maybe he didn’t need to know what he was doing, he just needed to stop thinking about her and then he would have been fine. He would have gotten to water sooner instead of following the careers around.

She took the knife and walked over to a patch of reeds, cutting them to the length she wanted and then she carried them back over to where James was sitting. She set to work weaving a net together, which went over much easier with the knife than her previous attempts.

James sat and ate, watching her work and she tried to pretend that she couldn’t feel his gaze on her.

When she couldn’t take it any longer, she looked up and tried to glare at him, but he was smiling at her. She narrowed her brow and tilted her head to the side. “What?”

He grinned more now. “I thought we’d already said goodbye. I didn’t know I’d get to see you again. I hoped of course, but…” His hand jumped up to his hair and Lily’s brow furrowed more. “I’m just really glad that you’re alright.” He looked like he was going to say more.

“I’m glad that you’re alright too.” She said, because she knew she had to say something nice to him for everyone watching, and because it was true. And maybe because she didn’t want him to keep talking the way he was talking. It had been difficult enough when they were alone on the roof, but out here, when she knew the entire country was watching, it had her cheeks blushing prematurely.

James laughed, a noise that sounded completely out of place out here. “But not too glad right?”

“What?”

“You weren’t happy to see me. You hid from me.” He reminded her, but his smile was still in place. “Only reason you came out was for the bow. Or to yell at me. Probably both.”

Lily floundered a bit, unsure what she should say. She decided sticking to the truth was a decent idea. “I’m not going to be the one to kill you, James.” Her voice nothing but serious. “Half of the tributes are gone already. I don’t want to be there when…” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Teaming up isn’t a good idea when you’re not a career. They can team up because they don’t care if the person they’re left with is a friend or… or from their district.”

His smile was gone now. He stayed quiet for a while and then he opened his mouth only to close it again. He looked at her and pressed his lips together, like he was trying to work out some kind of riddle. “Lily,” Her name sounded so soft coming out of his mouth. It sounded like both a question and an answer. “I understand what you’re saying, but I can’t just walk away and not know what happens to you. The other day, I about drove myself mad when I heard the canons go off. And I had to wait all day to find out if you were still alive. I can’t go through that again.”

She looked down at her hands and chewed at the inside of her cheek. She hadn’t like it much either. She hadn’t liked it at all. “I saw them attack the girl.” She said, nodding in the direction it had happened. “I heard them say that the boy they killed had died too quickly and I tried to tell myself that…” She swallowed hard. “But then your picture wasn’t in the sky and I- I-“ She felt her eyes start to sting and she twisted at the reed in her hand angrily. It snapped in half and she threw the pieces to the ground.

James scooted over to her and picked up her hand in his, wrapping their fingers together. “So we’ll both worry far less if we stick together.” She squeezed his hand and then leaned against him and his other hand came up to run through her hair.

She couldn’t be sure, but it felt like the temperature had just dropped and the sun was sinking over the tree line quickly.

Lily felt herself blush again. She knew that there _could_ be another reason that the game makers were speeding up the day, but she could feel all eyes on her in that moment. She bit the tip of her tongue and tried to think of something to say to him.

“You were never this nice to me back home, you know.” She said, wondering if that was at all flirty. She’d meant it to be slightly flirty. Moody was selling them as the star-crossed lovers and the game makers clearly wanted her to be romantic in some way.

It must have been fine, because James chuckled and squeezed her hand. “I was terrified of you back home.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled back to look at him. “That’s absurd. I shouted at you one time when we were ten, because you made a stupid comment and then you were scared into never talking to me again?”

His free hand went back to his hair and he could be blushing. It was harder to tell now that the sun was disappearing. “Well I figured I didn’t know how to talk to you. I reckon I would have worked it out if I had been given a few more years.”

“Years?” Lily laughed now, surprising herself. “If we hadn’t come here it would have taken you _years_ to try and speak to me again?”

“Probably.” He nodded, his eye shinning.

“That’s completely ridiculous.”

“I completely agree.” James nodded, his thumb running along the back of her hand. She thought that he’d picked up her hand for the cameras sake, but that wasn’t a gesture that they could see with how they were sitting. That was just for her and she didn’t know how to feel about the tingles that shot up her arm when he did it again.

“I suppose you couldn’t help it though.”

“Since I’m ridiculous?”

“Exactly.” Lily smiled at him again and then stood up, keeping their hands laced together as she tucked the knife back into the backpack. “It’s getting dark. We should probably find somewhere to sleep.”

James stood up and looked around as if only now realizing that it was getting dark. “It doesn’t feel late enough for it to be dark.”

“Perhaps you’re just not so tired now that you’ve have food and water.” Lily suggested, not wanting to tell him that he was right. It was too early to be this dark.

James nodded and picked up the backpack, swinging it over his shoulder. “You’ve got a fair point.” Lily had to let go of his hand to pick up the net that she’d been working on and her own supplies, which had been rather limited until he’d given her the bow. She slung it over her shoulder, stuffed the net into the backpack and checked her pocket to make sure her blanket was still there.

“Ready?” James asked, holding out his hand again.

Lily tried not to hesitate as she took it and nodded. “Any leads on a good spot?” She asked.

“I’ve been sleeping up in the trees.” He said, looking up.

“You can climb trees?” She decided to tease him again. Or maybe teasing him was just a reflex. It was impossible to work out while in the arena.

“Turns out I have a survival skill.” He shot back, his smile back again.

“Brilliant.” The temperature dropped again as they walked further into the forest and Lily tried not to let her teeth start chattering.

“We’ll be warm soon,” James said, hearing her despite her efforts. “The sleeping bag is thermal.”

Lily frowned at him. “We won’t both be able to fit in the sleeping bag.”

“I think we might,” He countered. “But if not, then you can have it.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’ve got a blanket from a parachute the other day.”

But that might not have been the right thing to say, because as soon as James found a tree that he liked, it started to rain.

It hadn’t rained once since they’d been in the arena and Lily couldn’t help but feel like it was the game makers telling her that she was going to have to share the sleeping bag with James.

“We better hurry.” He said, motioning for her to go up the tree first.

Lily didn’t know how skilled of a climber he was, so she stopped once she was about thirty feet off the ground and looked behind her, surprised to see him right beneath her.

“Afraid of heights?” He teased, and so she climbed higher. She found a good couple of branches almost fifty feet up, and nodded to indicate that that’s where she thought they should sleep. He tested the branches by putting his weight on them and then nodded.

The rain started coming down a bit harder. James balanced himself and then pulled off the backpack, quickly getting out the sleeping bag and the rope. He wedged himself between the branches, moving a bit until he was comfortable and situated before he motioned for her to join him.

She sighed and bit her lip.

Thunder boomed around the arena and she smiled despite herself. James gave her a funny look, but she just shook her head and pulled her blanket out of her pocket. She climbed up the tree a bit further and spread the blanket out so that it would be just above their heads.

“Brilliant.” James grinned up at her, wiping the rain off his face. She smiled back and then climbed down to where he was. He held the sleeping bag open for her and she carefully climbed in beside him. After she was tucked into his side, he found a notch to hang the backpack on, pulled out the rope and tied them to the tree so that they couldn’t roll off the branch.

He laid back, arm out and Lily laid back as well, her head resting on his arm. He pulled her closer to his side and then his mouth was at her ear. “This is what they wanted, wasn’t it?” His voice was so quiet she almost couldn’t hear it over the rain. “That’s why you grinned earlier.”

She was grinning again and nodded slightly. “You’re very warm.” She said aloud.

“You know,” She couldn’t see his face, but his voice sounded like trouble. “We’d be even warmer if we took our wet clothes off.”

Lily reached over and pinched his side. “Ow!” He cried, laughing though. “Honestly, Evans, it was only a suggestion.”

“I’ll have a few suggestions for you if you make another one like it.”

“So long as you don’t kick me out of the sleeping bag, I suppose that’s fine.”

“Just handing out ideas now?”

“Shh, Lils. It’s time to sleep.”

She pinched him again, lightly this time, and he grabbed her hand. She rolled onto her side and rested her cheek against his shoulder, keeping her hand in his. Again, she felt herself blush. The cameras couldn’t see their hands, so that felt like it was just for them. For comfort or closeness or maybe just because they wanted to hold hands. It made Lily feel like she and James were keeping a secret together, and in a way they were.

James may have had feelings for her, but she knew that they weren’t as big and important as what he was saying they were for the capital.

A canon went off and Lily jumped, James’ arms tightened around her. Before the echo had even faded, the anthem started to play and because the blanket was above them, keeping them dry, they couldn’t see the picture of whoever had just been killed.

James turned his head and Lily felt his lips on her forehead. “I’m so glad that I found you.” He said, his arms tightening around her again. “When I first saw the careers with the bow, they were talking about you. Lestrange wants to find you.” His voice was tight, and Lily shut her eyes. She couldn’t stop herself from seeing the girl fall by the river. He’d thrown the knife at her leg so she wouldn’t be able to run any further. So that he could take his time killing her. “That’s why I had to find you. Because I knew that they were looking for you. I had to get you the bow so you would be able to protect yourself against them.”

“Thank you.” Her voice muffled against his shirt. “Thank you for not making me go through all of this alone.” She squeezed his hand to let him know that she meant ever word. He kissed her forehead again and then squeezed her hand back.

One for the cameras, and one for her.


	16. Chapter 16

James woke up with red hair tickling his nose and his right arm was mostly asleep.

He pushed his glasses up his forehead to rub his eyes and then put them back into place so he could look down at Lily.

Her breathing was still shallow, and her face looked completely relaxed, so he knew that she was still asleep. It was almost too warm to be pressed together like this and in the sleeping bag, but he didn’t want to move and wake her, so he just pulled out his free arm and closed his eyes again.

He’d been right. Yesterday had been far better than the day before. He’d found Lily, he’d given her the bow, she’s laughed at a few things he’d said, and he was not thirsty for the first time since he’d been in the arena.

His heart was a mess of feelings as she started to stir, her hand splaying out over his chest and then her fist closing over his shirt.

The birds were chirping around them, the sound of the river could be heard though it was just out of sight, and with the blanket hanging over them, James could pretend that he and Lily were the only ones here. It was too peaceful and soft to be the arena, for their lives to be in imminent danger.

He could have stayed up in the tree with her all day, whether or not his arm was sleeping, he didn’t mind. Lily was curled up against him and it seemed like he was some comfort to her. But he knew that she’d want to get a start to their day. She’d want to fish, or maybe hunt a bit.

“I hate to wake you,” He said, reaching over and tucking her hair back behind her ear. “But I believe it’s morning.” He kept his voice soft, and just played with her hair until she started to stir.

When she first started to stir, she nestled closer to him, and then she seemed to remember where she was and she leaned back, her eyes snapping open as she took him in. She blinked a few times and then let her head fall back against his shoulder.

“Morning.” She muttered, letting out a yawn.

“Sleep well?” He grinned, feeling somehow proud that she’d been sleeping as hard as she was.

“It appears so.” She looked up at him again, some emotion in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place. “You didn’t let me sleep all day, did you?”

“I think I let you sleep most of the morning, but no, not all day.” He shook his head.

“Good. We should get back to the river and catch some food. I didn’t have much to give you yesterday.”

“You gave me plenty yesterday.”

“Half a fish is not plenty.” She narrowed her eyes and James wanted to tell her that he hadn’t meant the fish. Her being okay and letting him stay with her was enough.

He ran his fingers through her hair again and shrugged. “Alright, I suppose we can get up then.”

“It’s warmer now at least.”

“And dry.” He added, unzipping the sleeping bag as he sat them both up. Lily stretched out her arms and then untied the rope. They probably hadn’t needed the rope last night, as they were nestled in between the branches quite nicely, but it was a good safety precaution.

“So what’s the plan for today? Apart from fishing?”

“We should probably find somewhere else to stay. I feel like I’ve been here for too long. Someone else is going to come along and figure out how great it is soon and then they’ll want to fight me for it.”

“You’ve got the bow now, they wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Still, I don’t really want to call attention to myself either.” She reached out for the bow and slung it over her shoulder. It looked like it belonged there, and James smiled, glad that he’d taken the risks that he had. “If they find out that I’m not helpless, then won’t they target me even more? I think it’s best to lay low until we don’t really have any other choice.”

She climbed up to get the blanket down, carefully folding it so that it fit back into one of the pockets on her pants. James stuffed everything back into the backpack, careful not to crush the fish net that she’d started yesterday.

He tried not to think about Lestrange’s voice when he said that he wanted to kill Lily himself, he tried to tell himself that she was right, he would target her even more if he knew that she was a legitimate competitor.

“Alright, just remember that they’re already looking for you.” He said.

“And if they find me, they’re not going to be too happy to see that I have their stolen bow.” She started climbing down.

James blinked at her. Wondering if he’d put her in more danger. “Yeah, you’re plan of staying out of sight might be best.”

“Might be.” Lily agreed, smirking slightly as she started down the tree. James slung the backpack over his shoulders and then started down after her. It was much easier climbing now that it wasn’t raining. He’d been worried that he might slip and fall last night. Not worried that he’d hurt himself, but worried that he’d embarrass himself in front of Lily.

He was sort of glad when they put their feet on the ground, and she started off toward the river ahead of him. Just a few moments ago he’d been trying to convince himself that it was fine if he let her sleep just a little while longer, so that she could stay pressed up against him, but now he was sort of glad for the space between them.

Up in the tree they had seemed so far away from the world, he’d been able to forget about the cameras, about all the people watching and the reason that she was acting so keen on him in the first place. He’d kissed her forehead more than once and hadn’t felt at all strange about it. They were possibly friends now, he felt like that might have been a fair assessment of their relationship after they left the training center, but that was all.

It was easy to forget that though when she smiled at him or said something flirty. She was doing it for the show. She was doing it for the same reason he’d admitted to having feelings for her in the first place. To protect them, to get people excited to save them should they need help.

“Come on, James,” Lily called over her shoulder, and he realized that he’d fallen slightly behind. “Don’t want you falling too far behind,” She stopped walking and held out her hand to him, smiling all the while. His heart twisted in his chest and he remembered that it didn’t really matter much whether or not she was pretending. He was going to be dead soon, so he might as well just enjoy the ride.

He laced his fingers through with hers and ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “I’m sure that you’ve already guessed, but I have far less experience walking through the woods than you do.”

Lily squeezed his hand, her smile still in place, and then started walking again. “I have guessed.” She nodded.

They made it down to the river and Lily let go of James’ hand and turned him so that she could get the knife and the net out of the bag, then she sat down and went about finishing it. She used some green sticks and more reeds and before he thought possible, she had a net.

She walked out into the water to set it up and James sat down and pulled out the canteens. It was such a relief to know that, not only were they full, but if he emptied one right now, he could just walk over to the river and fill it up again.

“Maybe we can make fake clues to lead the careers away from us.” Lily said as she walked back over to him and picked up one of the canteens. James liked her plan of just hiding from them better, but he thought that she might have suggested it because doing nothing meant involvement from the game makers. If they came up with a plan that could be entertaining to the people watching, then the game makers were far less likely to add mutant, flesh-eating lizards to the arena.

“Like campfires or something?” James asked. “I think it would be entertaining to have them running around in circles, but they’ll get annoyed eventually and then just go back to the middle of the arena.”

“Is that where their camp is?”

“I’d assume so.” James shrugged. “They wouldn’t want anyone else having access to all the supplies. And they had the boy from 4 carrying around way too many supplies for them _not_ to have complete control of them.”

Lily chewed on her lip and then took a drink of her water. “You know, things would start to tip in our favor a bit more if those supplies were to be taken away from them.”

James felt like she was stating the obvious. The careers weren’t trained to survive in the wild, they were trained to kill people. “Yeah. If this had been one of the years where the only supplies were weapons, then you’d be even more of a shoe in.” He agreed.

Lily tilted her head and gave him a look. “Stop saying that I’m a shoe in. It’s bad luck and inaccurate.”

“It lets me sleep at night.” James shrugged.

“What if we destroyed the rest of the supplies?” She asked, “Use fires to draw them away from their set up, and then destroy everything?”

James grinned at her. “And how would we do that?”

“Another fire?” She asked. He could see the fear in her eyes, but there was something else there too. She meant what she was saying, she wanted to do something that would tip the scales, that would speed things along.

“I mean, we can try.” He said, taking another drink of the water. “Start some fires in the woods that will smoke real bad to really get their attention and then go see what things look like near the lake.”

“You don’t sound too excited about it.”

“I’d much prefer another day like yesterday.” He admitted, wondering if now was a good time to reach out for her. If anyone was expecting him to do that or if the thought only came to him because he wanted to reach out for her.

Lily grinned at him and nodded, “Don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll think of something I’ll need to shout at you.”

James laughed despite himself, “Yes, that was exactly what I was referring too. I _love_ it when I make you angry.”

“Well just don’t put yourself at risk of dying for me again, and I think we’ll be good.” She was still smiling, but he knew she meant what she was saying.

“We’re both going to be at risk if we’re going to try and destroy the careers supplies.” He reminded her.

“Sure, but that’s just part of the game. You sneaking into the careers camp-“

“While they were sleeping,” He interrupted. She didn’t act as though she noticed.

“You sneaking into the careers camp and stealing from them is stupid and reckless. And then telling me that you only did it for me?” She shook her head. “They’ll be nothing like that today, okay?”

“I promise I won’t sneak into their camp and steal anything for you today.” He held up his pinky finger and she grinned at him again.

“You made that pretty specific, but I’m going to count it as a win.” She lifted her hand and hooked her little finger with him. “Let’s go and start some fires.” Her smile was near farrel and James’ heart beat unevenly as he nodded in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And there we have it.
> 
> Let me know what you're thinking in the comments! I love hearing from you all


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Sunday everyone! I hope you all had a good week, and I hope you're prepared for some angst. I thought all of my chapters once they were in the arena were longer, but this one is the exception I think. Not that it matters, but I still feel weird about short chapters. I just keep telling myself that I can do whatever I want, but I don't know. Still feels weird. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Lily had been thinking about destroying the careers supplies since she’d seen them attack that girl across the river. She hadn’t known how she was going to do it, but she’d wanted to make sure that things got harder for them, she wanted to make the playing field a lot more even. If they had to worry about food and water, same as everyone else, well then maybe they wouldn’t be such a formidable opponent.

She and James had traveled away from the river and were working on the third bonfire that James would set while Lily snuck down to the lake.

She didn’t like the idea of them splitting up, but they couldn’t stay together if they wanted this plan to work.

“So, what’s the plan?” She asked, wanting to hear him repeat it all back to her.

“I’m going to go down the line, lighting the fires.” He said without saying anything about how she was treating him like a child or how they didn’t need to go over the plan again. “I’m going to keep moving. After I lite the last fire, I’m going to go to the river and climb the tree that you shot with an arrow until I can’t see the ground. You’re going to meet me there after you start a fire of your own.” He grinned at the end and that made Lily grin a bit too.

She pressed her lips together to make the smile disappear and frown at him. “You forgot the most important step.”

James tilted his head and pushed his glasses up his nose. “No, I don’t think I did.”

“You forgot to promise that you’ll be careful.” Her voice was quieter.

James’ mouth quirked at the corners and he nodded. “I am going to be very careful. And you’re going to be careful as well.” He walked up so that he was standing in front of her and she leaned forward, resting her forehead against his chest. His arms quickly wrapped around her and she could hear his heart beating quickly in his chest. She felt like she was playing with his feelings, but she was putting on a show. He knew that. He’d told her that he knew that last night when he’d whispered in her ear about the game makers manipulating the length of the day and the rain.

“We’ll meet back in the tree.” She said by way of promising that she’d be careful. “Our plan is going to work.”

“Most definitely.” He nodded, his chin nudging the top of her head. He pulled back slightly and looked down at her, his eyes scanning her face, his gaze lingering on her mouth. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. For a moment, she contemplated whether she should kiss him.

Then she looked down and stepped back. “We should go now so that we’re done before dark.” She said, toeing her shoe into the dirt.

“It’s not going to take long,” He said, but he picked up the backpack, taking out the matches first, and then slung it over his shoulder. “Soon we’ll be back to you trying to teach me how to scale a fish.”

She grinned at him and tried to convince herself that this was not the last time that she was going to see him. They would be back together again soon.

“You’re hopeless at survival skills.”

“Perhaps you’re just not a great teacher. Have you considered that?”

“No. I’m good at everything.” She grinned. He reached out and cupped her cheek for a moment.

“I’ll see you in an hour or so, yeah?” She nodded and he stepped forward and kissed her forehead, his hand still on her cheek. She leaned into him and closed her eyes. He stepped back and winked at her. “Go light ‘em up, Red.”

That didn’t make her feel any better about splitting up, it actually made her just want to curl into his arms and stay there. He was warm and comforting and made her feel not so terrible in this dreadful place. “Run fast, James.” She said, and then she forced herself to turn around and head toward the lake.

 

She’d made it down to the lake before James lit the first of the three fires. She had eyes on the careers. The four from the first two districts, and the boys from 3 and 4. The boys from 3 and 4 seemed to be working for the careers as look outs or lackies of some kind. They stood away from the group and were facing one toward the forest and one toward the meadow.

Lily wasn’t worried about the boy spotting her though. The sun was in his eyes and she was well hidden.

“Oi! Look at that!” Lestrange pointed toward the smoke. At least she assumed he was pointing at the smoke, but she couldn’t see from where she was. Emma started laughing and the other two were smiling.

“Someone is not being very smart,” Emma crooned, picking up a machete and slicing it through the air. “Guess they have to die.” Lily’s stomach clenched, knowing that they were talking about James just then. But he wasn’t going to get caught, this was their plan.

“You two stay and guard the supplies.” Lestrange ordered 3 and 4 and then the four careers took off into the woods. Lily waited a few minutes for them to be completely in the woods before she started looking at the supplies, trying to find a good way to destroy all of them.

The boys from 3 and 4 had only waited until the careers were out of sight before they turned toward one another and then walked over to where the careers had been lounging a moment before and took a seat. One of the boys took an apple out of his pocket and took a large bite. “If only we could kill them.” He said, shaking his head ruefully.

Lily tore her eyes away from them and looked back at the giant stack of supplies and noticed something strange about the ground around the supplies.

“We should just leave.” The other boy said, “They’re going to kill us soon if we don’t.”

“They’ll kill us worse if we run.” He took another bite of his apple. “Besides, we keep acting all dumb and docile and maybe we can get the jump on them.”

The other boy looked completely terrified by the notion, but he nodded. It was a dangerous strategy that they were working.

“Besides, I don’t know why they keep one of us here when they go out. It’s all rigged to blow if someone comes to take anything.”

“I think that’s the only reason they let me live. Because I’m good with wires.”

“You were also holding a bomb in your hand when you made the deal with them. They knew that you could just as easily throw it at them.”

“I should have.”

“You should have.”

Rigged to blow? Lily looked back and saw that there were mounds of dirt around the raised platforms that the tributes had come out of at the beginning of the games as well. That boy had dug up the explosives and booby trapped the stack of supplies. Lily almost laughed at how easy he had made it for her to destroy everything.

She looked over the pile and narrowed her eyes, pulling out an arrow and looking for something she could knock onto one of the bombs.

There was a bag of apples sitting on top of a box near the top of the pile. If she knocked it all over, that would do the trick.

She glanced back at the boys, wondering if they were far enough away, or if they would get hurt. She wanted to call out to them and warn them of what she was going to do, but she knew that they might try and stop her, they might try and kill her. She bit down on the tip of her tongue and took aim at the box under the bag of apples.

She took a breath and pulled back the arrow. She counted to three, and then let it fly.

The arrow lodged into the box with a loud thud, and the bag of apples wobbled back and forth on top before it started to slide off the side. Lily pulled back another arrow and aimed for the bag this time. It tore open just as the boys stood up, noticing the first arrow. The apples started to bounce down and the boys took off running in the other direction.

The world seemed to go silent as the apples fell.

And then one hit the ground and the silence disappeared.

Lily was knocked backward by the force of the explosions all going off one after another. Waves of hot air pushed against her and she flew backward. She hit her head against one of the trees behind her, and her world went dark.


	18. Chapter 18

James thought his heart was going to give out when he heard the explosion.

What could have happened that would have resulted in an explosion? There had been many different variations of weapons that were put into the arena, but there had never been bombs.

He started running toward the lake. He hadn’t started the third fire, but as far as he was concerned, the plan was dammed to hell because an explosion wasn’t part of the plan and Lily could be hurt and he couldn’t ignore that. He had to get to her.

His feet pounded against the ground and he tripped over the tree roots because he wasn’t paying attention to the terrain. He was only thinking about Lily.

And then there was a canon.

And then another.

James was entirely out of breath and his lungs were burning, but he pushed himself harder.

He got to the edge of the clearing that held the lake and forced himself to stop. He couldn’t step out into the open without knowing where the careers were, and he couldn’t call out for Lily either. He’d have to find her.

The field looked as though it had been torn through by a tornado. There were supplies every which way, broken into unrecognizable pieces. Lily had somehow managed to blow up the supplies. She’d caused the explosion.

James just had to hope that she’d known that that’s what was going to happen, and that she was far enough away that she was still safe.

A helicarrier appeared in the middle of the arena and a large crane lowered from its belly, opening until it reached the ground and then it pulled up the body of one of the tributes. James held his breath and looked for Lily’s bright red hair.

There was no red hair. It was the boy from 4 most likely.

But there had been two canons.

He continued to scan around the clearing until his eyes landed on another slumped over figure near the careers camp. The claw started to descend again just as a third canon blast rung out throughout the arena.

“Lily!”

It was a stupid thing to do, it completely gave away his position, but it had been a reflex. He needed to find her, he needed to know that she wasn’t about to be pulled into the sky by those metal jaws.

“Lily!” He called out again and started running along the edge of the forest. He didn’t know where she had planned to go when she got here. She was going to lite a fire, that was what she’d said. And then she’d blown the place up. How had she even done that? It shouldn’t have been possible.

“ _Lily_!” Someone else called back to him in a singsong voice that made his blood run cold. “ _Lily where are you!”_ They went on. It was Emma, the girl from 1. She cackled and James backed himself further into the woods.

The carrier was lifting the second body into the air now, and James squinted, pushing his glasses up his nose; but the body was another boy that James didn’t recognize. Both boys had probably been too close to the explosion. It looked like there might be some metal lodged into the kids face. Blood was dripping down to the ground as he swung in the air.

There was one body left and James was finding it hard to stand now.

“Come on out 12,” Emma called. “I heard you calling for her.”

“Yeah, don’t you want to know what happened to her?” Lestrange joined in now, his voice almost as smug, but the anger was prevalent. “You heard the canon. Now come out and I promise you a quick death.”

James didn’t move. He was frozen to the spot. He could hear the careers whispering to one another from somewhere that wasn’t that far away, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up and run, or hide, or climb the tree he’d collapsed against.

“12!” Emma was calling again. “Come on out, lover boy!”

Lily wasn’t dead.

She couldn’t be dead, they were just trying to goad him into coming out into the open.

The helicarrier was moving toward him, and he watched the claw come down to his left. He scrambled to his feet as quietly as he could and started toward where it was descending.

It was the boy from 2. His body was slumped over and it looked as though his neck had been snapped. Emma cackled again and James slunk back.

Lily was alive.

And if she was alive, then she would be waiting for him at the river. Because that is where they said that they were going to meet up no mater how the plan went down. James had just lost his head for a while there and forgot that Lily was smart, she wasn’t going to blow something up unless she knew what she was doing.

She was going to be at the river worried about whether one of those three canons had been for him. He slowly started back into the woods, making sure that he could no longer hear the sounds of the careers before he took off running toward the river.

At least she wouldn’t have to try hard to find something to shout at him for. He almost smiled to himself, but then he tripped over another tree branch and swore instead.

It didn’t take him long to get the river, it took him a bit longer to get to the tree that she’d shot with her arrow though. He hadn’t really thought about how hard it was going to be to find the tree. It was nearly dark now, so finding the small hole that the arrow had made was difficult.

He thought he’d just be able to see Lily, but she was probably up in the tree, hiding from anyone who might happen upon her, or so far up that he couldn’t make her out through all the leaves.

He looked over the ground for any footsteps, but knew that she was too smart and stealthy to leave any. He walked to the river to see if she was refilling her canteen, but there was no one in sight.

He paused in his search to pull out the knife from the backpack, because he couldn’t convince the hair on the back of his neck that the worst of the night was over.

He then went back to a group of trees that he was sure contained the tree that Lily had shot.

It felt like half the night had passed before he finally found it. And the lead in his belly had settled by then, letting him finally admit to himself what he’d been trying to keep from his mind.

Lily wasn’t here. Which meant one of two things.

She had decided that she was done teaming up with James now that the careers were out of food and supplies. She had been hesitant about partnering up in the first place, and that was before three more of the tributes were dead. That meant that there were only seven of them left.

Or.

The careers hadn’t been lying when they told him to come out and see what they’d done to her. They hadn’t killed her yet, but they had her somewhere.

A cold sweat broke out over his entire body, as though he’d just had someone dump a bucket of the river water over his head.

He had no doubt that after they’d met up, she would have said that it was time to go their separate ways. If there were only seven people left, she wouldn’t want to be around him anymore because she’d told him that she wasn’t going to be the one to kill him, nor did she want to be around when it happened. But he knew that that wasn’t what was going on just then. She would have told him. She would have met up with him so that he’d know that she was safe and then she would have left. She wouldn’t have just skipped off in the opposite direction after promising him that she’d be here at this tree.

She was the type to keep her word.

Which meant that she couldn’t get to the tree.

James’ hands jumped into his hair and he spun around, not sure what it was he was looking for. No one was out here. No one was around him.

He was alone and Lily was in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: What a way to end a chapter right? Giving you absolutely no clues as to where Lily is and if she's okay and all that jazz. So great. Love that for you. 
> 
> Leave a review and let me know what you're thinking! Remember that I love you all


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I apologize for leaving you with a cliffhanger last week. Here's the next part. I can't promise no cliffhanger this week either, hopefully you'll find it in you to forgive me. Remember that I love you all and they live in this story, no matter what I put them through. Have I written a story where I kill either one of them? I don't think I have actually.
> 
> Anyway. Enjoy.

Lily woke up when she heard a girl calling her name.

" _Lily!"_ It sounded mocking. It sounded cruel and joyful and reminded Lily of Dolores.

That didn't make any sense though. Was she still in the training center?

Lily opened her eyes and squinted, though the sky was dimming. No, she wasn't in the center. She was in the arena.

She couldn't remember what happened right away, why she was lying on her back near the edge of the forest instead of near the river where she'd been since the games started.

She heard the girl call out her name again and figured out that the girl was Emma. And then she heard Lestrange's voice, but she couldn't pick out the words that they were saying. They were too far away and her head was pounding too much.

She slowly reached up and touched her head, hissing at the contact and her hand came away red.

That wasn't good. Why was her head bleeding?

She heard someone laughing and a shot of adrenaline raced through her.

The careers were near her. And they had been calling her name.

She tried to push herself into a sitting position, but she groaned at the effort needed and then fell back down to the ground, her head thumping against the dirt and then she cried out in pain as it started throbbing again.

"Shut up!" Someone called. "Did you hear that? I think the bitch is still here."

Lily heard Lestrange's voice and it sounded closer than it had before but she still couldn't get up. Maybe she was better off just lying here in the bushes anyway. She didn't think they would find her unless she gave away her position.

Or perhaps that was wishful thinking.

"She's not that stupid, is she?" Emma asked, another laugh tinkering out of her.

She'd exploded the careers supplies. That's what had happened.

It had been bigger than she'd thought it was going to be. Apparently, they had dug out all twenty four of the mines and buried them around the supplies to keep them from others, and when Lily had shot the apples, it had caused all of the mines to go off at once.

She was lucky that she hadn't been killed by any of the flying debris.

She briefly wondered about the fate of the boys from 3 and 4.

And then she heard footsteps to her right.

She looked over and saw a pair of black boots that looked like her own. They were on the other side of the bush though, she hadn't been spotted.

She clenched down and reached out, trying to find her bow. She could feel the sheath of arrows pressing against her shoulder, but she needed the bow. James had managed to get it to her, she couldn't die without it. She couldn't die without trying to protect herself.

She felt the cool metal against her fingers and gripped it tightly, grateful that she'd managed to hang onto it while she'd been thrown backward. Just as bad as being helplessly tossed into a bush an unable to get away, would be them knowing that she was also unarmed.

"Do you see her?" The voice came from her right and then the pair of boots started back toward the lake. "He was looking for her, she has to be here somewhere."

"She probably blew herself up."

"There would have been a fourth canon."

Fourth? Lily clenched her jaw harder. Who was looking for her? Why had there been three canons?

"Maybe she'd just lying somewhere around here, dying slowly. Or she might have crawled away." Emma sounded closer to her now too. "It's going to be dark soon."

Lily forced herself to lean up on her elbow and take stock of what was wrong with her.

Apart from her head injury, her shoulder was killing her, the one that had landed on top of the sheath of arrows. She couldn't detect anything else, but she was still laying down.

She slowly moved into a sitting position, trying to ignore the pounding in her head. She definitely had a concussion judging by the way her vision was swimming and the ringing in her ears.

"I want to find her before she dies." Rabastan sneered. "Lover boy didn't know where she was, but we'll find her."

Lily bit down on her tongue and tasted blood. She didn't know if it had already been in her mouth or if that was new, but her stomach rolled and she was in danger of getting sick. That would definitely draw the attention of the careers.

They had to be talking about James, who else would they refer to as 'lover boy?' And they didn't seem worried that he was going to find her before they did, they had said that three canons had gone off and they knew that one of them wasn't for her, so they knew who was dead. They mentioned knowing that he was looking for her, they knew somehow that he didn't know where she was.

Had they killed James?

Lily shook her head and tried to get her vision to focus on the scene just beyond the bush that she was hiding in.

There was fire, a lot of it. Debris was thrown everywhere and there were only two careers standing in front of her. The girl from 2 along with Rabastan. Was the boy from 2 lurking around with Emma somewhere?

She quickly swiveled her head around over her should, her stomach lurched again, but she didn't see anyone behind her.

"Bas?" Emma called out, still standing too close to Lily's side for her liking. She pulled the bow closer, hoping that the light of the fire wouldn't catch on the metal, or if it did, she hoped that they would assume it was just random debris.

She reached for an arrow and wondered when she stopped believing that she wouldn't kill someone else to save her own life.

But this was different, wasn't it? They weren't just a part of the Capitals games, they were enjoying all of this and looking for her so that they could slowly kill her. They had tortured that girl from 7 and possible everyone else that they had killed.

All to entertain the Capital? Or perhaps Rabastan had been born with that hidden away somewhere deep inside. The Capital might have nurtured it, but he was the only career who seemed to enjoy taking his time.

And then they might have killed James.

Had it been her fault though? Had they caught him while he was lighting one of the fires that was supposed to be distracting the careers away from her? Was his blood on her hands along with the boys from 3 and 4?

She clenched down again and forced the thoughts from her mind. She had to focus on what was happening now, or she would throw up and then they would kill her in a terribly slow and painful way that would delight the members of the Capital. If she was going to die, she wanted it to be in a very unentertaining way. A way that disappointed all the sponsors and people taking bets.

She thought of the nightlock in the woods by the river and wished that she'd thought to bring some along with her after all. If things didn't go her way, it would be nice to know that she had a painless out at hand.

What a terrible thought that ran through her mind.

She took a steadying breath and notched the arrow into place, moving so that she was on her feet, crouching. She slowly began to move backward, away from Emma and the rest of them.

"Shh," Rabastan called out, and Lily froze. "Do you hear that?"

All the tributes stayed silent, listening. Then Lily heard it, faintly at first, a soft pinging of a parachute being delivered by a sponsor. Lily bit her tongue again and hoped that it wasn't for her. She hoped that there was no one out there who wanted to get her killed so much that they sent her a parachute to give away her location.

She needn't worry about that though. The parachute landed in Rabastan's hand, which Lily could see by the light of the fire behind him. The sun was gone, and it was dark now. Lily knew that she had to get to a good hiding place soon, because at any moment the game makers could make the sun reappear and then they would see her crouching in the bush, and they would charge.

She heard Rabastan laugh quietly. "What is it?" Emma called, leaving the woods to go and see what it was that Rabastan had from a sponsor. Lily thought it looked like a small tube of some kind, but she couldn't see from this far away, or with the shadows from the fire.

"It's how we're going to find her."

Lily's heart started hammering as her mind jumped to some sort of tracking device. Maybe the pockets of a career tribute's sponsor ran so deep that they sent in a tracking device that was linked with the tracker in her arm. She clutched at her arm helplessly and then a beam of light shot out of Rabastan's hands.

A flashlight.

Lily didn't waste time scrambling to her feet.

She was dizzy, nauseous and loud, but she didn't want them to see her. She didn't want them to know for sure that it was her, and if they knew it was her, she didn't want them to know how rough she looked and think she would be easy to catch.

The shouts of pursuit followed her as she charged into the forest, running into trees and tripping over rocks and roots as she went. She was frustrated as she thought about the ease at which she normally ran through the woods. She was angry as she thought about all the people sitting on the edge of their seat with excitement.

Her heart was beating in her ears and she ground her teeth together, willing herself to move faster, willing her eyes to adjust to the dark, to focus on things before she ran into them.

The adrenaline was helping, she stopped running into trees, she stopped feeling like she was going to throw up, but she still felt stiff as she ran. She was still in pain, her ears still rung and she couldn't hear them coming up behind her as well as she wanted to.

She didn't know where she was running, but she knew that they were going to catch up with her soon. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to keep the lead for much longer.

And then she tripped again, this time falling much further than she had thought possible, rolling down a steep hill until she stopped abruptly, slamming against a large pile of stone.

The careers stopped at the top of the slop, their flashlight keeping them from making her mistake.

"Well well well," Rabastan shined the light at her and so she couldn't see the glint in his eyes, but she could hear it in his voice. "Look who we've finally found."

"Congratulations." Lily tried to smile at him, she tried to look brave. "Took you long enough." And then she notched an arrow in her bow and pulled it back, aiming for the light.

"Let's not pretend that you know how to use that." This came from Rabastan's right, Emma. She laughed and shook her head. "You'd have been better off taking one of the knives or something."

Lily managed a bit more of an honest smile then. "Take another step toward me and find out if I'm pretending." She goaded. She was at the bottom of a pit with no where to go. A wall of rock behind her and the careers in front of her. She wasn't going to get out of this alive, not unless she managed to shoot all four of them blind, because that's what the light in her eyes had rendered her. She couldn't see past the artificial light, she wouldn't be able to get all of them, not before they were too close to her. And she'd left the knife with James. Hopefully he'd been able to make one or two of them bleed before he went down.

"You bitch," Emma laughed. Lily's heart felt like it was sputtering as she considered letting go of the string. "You're from 12, in case you forgot. None of you are good at anything. That's why you all die when you come in here. You're nothing more than a warm up for us. A bit of fun before the real show starts."

Lily turned her aim away from the light, to the right, guessing at where Emma might be standing, and hesitated again.

"Here, Ann. Hold the light." The light bobbed in the dark to Lily's left and then she heard the sound of a knife being unsheathed and booted crunching away at the dead leaves and sticks piled up on the hill. "I'm going in."

Lily moved the arrow back to where it had been and didn't hesitate this time. She let go and heard the arrow sink into something soft and fleshy. Her stomach rolled again as she waited for someone to tell her what she had hit.

"Bas?" Emma's voice was quiet.

"What?" He didn't realize anything was wrong.

"Bas?" She said again, and then there was a thunk as a body hit the ground.

The blast of a canon filled the air.

The flashlight went rolling down the hill.

With her teeth chattering, Lily pulled out another arrow.


	20. Chapter 20

James ran through the forest, in the dark, without a plan or any way to actually help Lily if he somehow found her in the hands of the careers.

And then the canon went off and his tripped over his own feet and went skidding across the ground, slamming his nose into the ground and coming up with his face covered in blood. He felt his glasses dig into his nose and he swore when he stood up and saw that one of the lenses was shattered. He could only see fragments of the world through his left eye.

He shoved them back into place and wiped his sleeve across his face as he continued through the woods.

He wanted to call out to her, he needed to hear he call back in response so that he knew that canon hadn’t been a result of her heart ceasing to beat.

He felt powerless, he felt like there was spinning in circles, stuck where he was and unable to do anything that would matter. It was like he was back in 12, not able to do anything about what was happening in the arena even though he was standing here in the middle of this dammed place and he couldn’t do anything.

He cussed out loud and punched a tree. He felt something in his hand break and then he swore again, this time at his own stupidity.

He shouldn’t have agreed to split up, he should have told Lily that the only way he’d go along with her plan was if they stuck together. They would have had to change parts of it, but they wouldn’t have gotten separated. He wouldn’t feel as though the blasts of the canon were chipping away at pieces of his heart.

He held his breath and tried to listen for something, anything. But there was nothing to listen to, except the small sounds of animals around him. He hadn’t been aware of their sounds until he was listening for something else.

He stared walking in a direction he thought would take him toward the lake, deciding that he would start over. Look for clues of where Lily could be, hope that she was still there hiding somewhere and just couldn’t answer him before because the careers were there.

But he’d gotten so turned around as he was running from the lake and tripping over everything in the dark that he didn’t know for sure that he was going in the right direction. He could be headed back toward the river, or to the other side of the arena that he hadn’t seen much of.

Regardless of whether he was right about where he was going, he felt slightly better knowing that he was moving now, with purpose instead of just desperation.

And then the anthem started to play and James bent in half, resting his hands on his knees and steeling himself before turning to look at the sky.

The girl from 2. The boy from 2. The boy from 3. The boy from 4.

James narrowed his brow as he thought that over.

Lily had managed to take out four people who had been in the career pack. It was just the pair from district 1 now.

Lily was alive.

He was able to take an actual filling breath now, and then he laughed. He ran a hand through his hair, leaned up against a tree and laughed. Lily was okay. She was alive. She’d thinned the career pack, accidentally or not. Things were suddenly far less dire than they had seemed a few moments before and James let his body fill up with hope and oxygen as he sagged, realizing just how tired he was.

He didn’t know how long the sun had been gone. He didn’t know how long it had been up either, but it had felt like this day had been exceptionally long, and even though he hated the thought of climbing up a tree and going to sleep without Lily, he knew that she could take care of herself. She’d lasted without him for the first few days, and after he showed up, he hadn’t really done anything to help her survive other than giving her the bow.

So she was going to be okay. She was going to be fine until morning. Until they could meet up and he could see with his own eyes that she was fine.

He had no idea what had happened tonight for her, but he knew that she’d proved herself to be a competitor, that she’d showed every single person in the country tonight, what he had known all along.

She was a force to be reckoned with, and she wasn’t going down without a fight.

 

James woke up the next morning with the sun shining in his eyes. He hadn’t slept well, or for very long it felt like, but he was feeling better today than he had since Lily walked out of sight yesterday afternoon.

He quickly put his supplies away and slide down the tree, ready to find Lily. Calmly. And without shouting out her name to summon the two remaining careers.

He hitched his backpack up his shoulders and sighed when he hit the ground and tried to figure out where he was in the woods through his fractured lens. He really should have been more cautious last night.

He decided that the best course of action was to go back to the river and wait for her by the tree that they had agreed to meet by.

He had to trust Lily to get back to the tree, same as she trusted him. All the canons had thrown him off last night, and the explosion. But in the morning light, most of it had seemed like some terrible nightmare.

This was what was real, today was real, and finding Lily would be real.

He started forward, almost smiling.

 

He didn’t find her. He spent all day walking up and down the length of the river, but he didn’t see anything that pointed to her even having been there. There was no remains of a campfire, there were no small piles of fish bones, there were no footprints in the mud that didn’t belong to him.

No one had been here aside from himself.

The nerves were starting to itch their way under his skin again. No sooner had he walked himself back off the ledge than had he decided that he did in fact have reason to worry. If his math was correct, there were only eight people left in the games, and when the number went under ten, that’s when the game makers started to intervene.

He had to get to Lily before they let lose a hoard of flesh-eating ladybugs or flowers started springing up from the ground that let out toxic gases. They loved to make seemingly harmless objects deadly.

He kicked at a pile of rocks and sent them skidding across the river. “I don’t know what to do!” He said in anger, in frustration, in an almost desperate need for someone to hear him and prove that he wasn’t suddenly the last person left in this godawful place.

“Attention Tributes,” James let his hands fall from where they had been buried in his hair and looked up at the sky. There was nothing to look at, but Ludo Bagman’s voice, the man who had done the count down at the beginning of the games and the interviews before the games, continued speaking.

James expected him to call the last of the Tributes to a feast, where the capital would lay out supplies that each individual Tribute would want to entice them all into the same space, so that they can have another blood bath like the initial part of the games had been.

“There has been a slight rule change.” He paused, sending a chill down James’ spine. Maybe it was the tone that he’d used, the obvious thrill in his voice as he held back information that they all needed to stay alive. “Under this new rule, both Tributes from the same District may be declared winners if they are the last two alive.”

James’ heart was in his throat and Ludo repeated himself.

James grabbed a fistful of his hair and wondered if Moody had thought this was a possibility when he’d told James to confess to having feelings for Lily in the first place. The capital must like them, they liked James and Lily enough to change a rule in the games that had never been changed before.

He and Lily could both go home.

He might someday have the opportunity to learn how to talk to her without the threat of death hanging over their heads.

It wasn’t really sinking in, as he stood there in the mud by the river. It didn’t seem possible that he could start hoping to leave this place alive.

Ludo seemed to realize this, so he repeated the rule change again and then wished them all good luck.

But there were so few of them left, the careers were half gone and didn’t have any supplies left, and Lily had a bow. They could make it out of here.

If he could find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? We didn't end this weeks chapters on a totally depressing note. I mean sure they're separated, but the rule change has been announced!
> 
> These chapters were hard for me to write. The action, the panic the injuries, it was all a lot to keep track of. Also I don't totally enjoy making James and Lily suffer :p
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a good week! Here's this weeks installment!   
> Enjoy!

Lily’s breath was making a horrible rasping noise that had her thinking of random men who had died on her kitchen table back at home.

They’d get sick in the mines, or they would get blown up in the mines, and someone would think to bring them out to Rose Evans’ house, because sometimes Rose could work miracles, and they would lay them down on top of the table that Lily sometimes eat off of, and then they would die there.

They would make sounds like the ones that she was making first.

She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the cool rocks at her side.

Too much had happened over the last twenty-four hours.

She’d killed at least three people, she’d lost James, she’d thought that James had been killed, she’d almost been killed, she’d narrowly escaped, and then there was the rule change.

When the flashlight had fallen down the hill in her direction, she had dropped her bow and lunged for it, using their momentary distraction to her advantage. She knew that if she aimed the light at them, then they wouldn’t be able to see her. So she did, turned off the light after she’d temporarily blinded them and then she slunk off to the side while they tried to work out which one of them was dead.

Lily had been sure it was Emma until she’d seen 2’s picture in the sky. Though she would have guessed at the rule change that both tributes from 1 were still alive. They may have made the rule change because of her and James, and she believed that they had, but they wouldn’t have done it like that if they were the only team left. She was pretty sure both tributes from 10 were still alive too. She hadn’t seen or heard anything from them since they got here. She couldn’t remember much about them from before either.

She wanted to be excited about the rule change, she wanted to hope that she could get James back to his family. She was pretty sure, at this point, that was the only way she could go home and not be completely broken; by bringing James with her.

She had been sure that James was dead until she heard Ludo tell her the rule change too. She hadn’t seen his picture in the sky last night, but she hadn’t been fully conscious despite her best efforts and she’d passed out before the end of the anthem.

She should have been excited about the rule change. For what it meant for James as well as for her.

But she didn’t think that she was going to get home anymore. She didn’t think that James was going to find her in time, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to travel far if she found the strength of will to crawl out of her hiding spot. She wasn’t even sure if she could stand. Between the explosion and the fall into the rocks, she was pretty banged up.

She really hadn’t gone far from where she’d fallen. She’d quickly realized that that wasn’t an option. She had felt blood trickle out of her ears and knew that her concussion was worse than she’d thought. She’d thrown up and realized that there was blood on her abdomen too. And that everything hurt a lot more than she’d realized when she’d been running for her life.

She had edged along the pile of rocks she’d fallen into, until she found a wedge where she figured she could hide until morning.

But then morning came and went, and she hadn’t been able to convince herself to move yet.

There was too much blood and no medicine in the arena and her breathing sounded like that of a dying coal miner.

She closed her eyes and more flashes of men dying in her home washed over her. But this time she saw her mom hovering over them, her worried eyes filling with frustrated tears.

Her eyes shot open but she could still see her mom, and she knew that she was giving the screen the same look whenever they showed Lily. She knew that she was quietly muttering under her breath, telling Lily to get up, because she’d heard her mom say that to dozens of dying men. Only a few had ever listened, but all of them had wanted to. Lily wanted to.

She didn’t want to die like this. She’d spent so much time thinking about how she didn’t want her death to be a spectacle for the people of the capital to fawn over, but she didn’t want to wither away quietly either.

James had risked his life to get her the bow that she’d used to upset the entire game, Moody had orchestrated a love story for her and James so grand that the gamemakers rewrote the rules for the first time in history. She had so many people around her that were trying to keep her alive, that were rooting for her, and if she laid here between the rocks until her wounds did her in, then she was letting them down.

She began to try and steal herself as she made the decision to get up. She didn’t know how far from the river she was, or if James was still waiting for her there, but she knew that she was going to try. That had probably been the real point in changing the rules. They couldn’t tell James where she was, so they had to motivate her to get up off her ass.

She ground her teeth together and then pulled her legs up, bending them at the knee so she could drag herself out. It was slow going, but her legs weren’t injured, and they did most of the work, so she’d almost convinced herself that she had been making a big deal out of nothing.

But then she was lying beneath the trees, her raspy breathing getting drowned out by the birds and the crinkling leaves that Lily was on top of, and she rolled onto her side to push herself up and black spots started dancing in her vision.

At least one of her ribs was definitely broken. And there was a gash in her stomach. Now that she was out in the open, she could tell that she couldn’t hear well out of her right ear, but it was no longer bleeding.

The black spots didn’t go away as she stood up, leaning heavily against a tree. Her bow was on the ground at her feet, the arrows spilled out of their sheath and Lily thought she was going to cry at the effort it took to kneel down and put them all back.

She had no way of knowing how long it took her, but she had almost passed out twice, and her body had tried to get her to throw up again, but there was nothing left in her stomach to heave up. She hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since yesterday morning when she’d left James.

When she was standing again, she gave a quiet breath of laughter. “You better be at the fucking river,” She muttered, for the capitals sake she supposed. They wanted her to go and find James, so she should let them know that that was her plan.

She pushed herself from one tree to the next, leaning against them to catch her breath and moving painfully slow. She knew she was heading in the right direction, she wasn’t sure how she knew, but she knew. She also wasn’t afraid of the gamemakers making any sudden changes at the moment. They wouldn’t change the rules to get her on her feet only to have something jump out and swallow her whole.

There wasn’t enough tension in that kind of death for them.

 

It had to have been hours before she could hear the river. She actually did cry then, both because she couldn’t hear it until she could also see it, and because she was so thirsty and in so much pain and so hot. The water was a godsend.

She nearly collapsed on the riverbank, her bow clattering against the rocks as it fell out of her hands. She scooped the water greedily up to her mouth and drank two handfuls. And then she lost her balance and fell over.

“I’ll just rest here then,” She sighed, stretching out her hand so that it was in the water and then pulled it up to her forehead. She was burning up.

Lots of things caused a fever. She knew that. It could be the broken bones or the dehydration or some other small and manageable problem. But it seemed more likely that it was the gash she hadn’t been able to look at.

She wasn’t going to try just then, she just kept cooling off her hand and then bringing it to her forehead.

She’d made it to the river, she was out in the open.

It was up to James to find her now. She slipped her other hand into her pocket and clamped it down over the bit of paper that Moody had sent her on the second day. She held it tight and hoped that she’d done enough now.

_Star-crossed._

If there was any sort of truth to it, he would find her.

It just might be too late. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: A lot happens in this chapter. Hold onto your hats.

James spent the day traveling out into the woods for about an hour or so, looking for any signs of Lily and then going back to the river to see if she’d shown up at the tree. Then he’d go out again, trying to make sure that he was never away from the river for more than a couple of hours, so that if she showed up, she wouldn’t decide to go out and look for him before he was able to get back to her.

Wouldn’t that just be terrible? If they were both looking for one another and just kept passing right by the other without knowing? James hoped that Moody would let him know somehow, if that was what was happening.

He went back to the tree after checking by the river again. And finding nothing. Again.

He took the pack off his back and pulled out his empty canteen. He’d been keeping the second one full for when he found Lily, because he’d realized that he had all their supplies except her bow. It had seemed smart at the time. She didn’t need any extra supplies to weigh her down when she was just going to go light the stuff on fire and then run back to their meeting place.

Maybe it was how sure they had been in the plan that had made it go so wrong.

He knelt down on the riverbed and filled his canteen, dropping one of the last iodine tablets into it before he closed the lid and put it back in the pack.

He leaned forward and dipped his hands in the water, splashing some of it on his face and then combing it back through his hair and tried to pretend that he couldn’t hear his stomach growling.

Perhaps he should put Lily’s fishnet into the lake so that he had food when he found her. She was going to be hungry too.

He looked down the bank in the direction of the lake, and then up the other way. When his stomach clenched in disappointment, he tried to remind himself that he wasn’t only checking for Lily. He had to make sure that there were no other tributes around that would cause trouble.

He decided that he was going to set up the fish net before he headed back out, and stripped his boots off like he’d watched Lily do a few times, before he waded out into the shallow water and tried to mimic what he’d seen her do with the net.

The current almost took the net right out of his hands a few times, but eventually, he got it in the river.

He’d check it when he came back and hopefully there would be fish in it. Hopefully he’d put it in right and it would still be there.

There was a stinging at the back of his head, and he hissed as he reached up his hand to run his hand over it.

He heard a _plunk_ as something fell into the water and he spun around to see what it was. He looked around, but he didn’t see anything. Had he just been stung by something? The thought made him a bit uneasy. The only bugs he’d seen in the arena so far where Trackerjackers, genetically engineered super wasps whose venom could cause vivid hallucinations. That was certainly the last thing he needed right then.

He waited a second, trying to check himself over to make sure that he wasn’t going to start hallucinating,

Then something small and round came flying at his face. He reached up and snagged it out of the air before it could do any damage.

It was a rock.

Someone was throwing rocks at him? Did they think that this was going to kill him somehow-

“Lily!” He called out, looking in the direction that the rock had come from. He forgot about his bare feet and the supplies on the bank and started running.

He didn’t see her until he jumped over a fallen tree and nearly landed on top of her. She had curled herself up against the log and James quickly fell down to his knees and ran his hand down her arm and over her face.

She was alive.

“You found me,” She whispered, closing her eyes as he pushed her hair away from her face to reveal a trickle of blood running down from her ear. He clenched his jaw.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” His hand brushed over her cheeks again and her skin was too warm. She was feverish as well as bleeding out of her ear.

“I’m not doing so well,” She said, her voice still quiet.

“One moment,” He jumped back up to his feet and ran over to the bag. He dragged it all over to where she was and dumped out the bag, letting everything bounce over the rocks.

He hadn’t had need for the small bottle of pills before now, but he snatched them up and ripped the cap off. “Here,” he said, handing her a couple. “Fever pills.”

She gave him a weak smile and shook her head.

“Just take them, Lily. They’ll help.” This was not how things were supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to be this injured when he found her. After going so long without finding her, he had suspected that she was injured, but he’d never let his mind go this far with her injuries.

“I’m going to need more than that.” She said, but she reached out and took the pills. “Help me sit up.” She said, putting the pills in between her teeth. He did as she asked and then handed her the canteen that he’d been saving for her.

“We’re not splitting up anymore.” He said, and she gave a weak laugh.

“That’s an easy thing for me to agree to.” She assured him, lifting the canteen and taking a small drink to wash the pills down.

“Drink more than that.”

She grimaced and then lifted it again.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t know that the explosion was going to be that big.” She started, holding the canteen with both hands and fiddling with the lid. “I got blown back and hit my head against a tree. I think I still have a concussion and I ruptured an ear drum,” She motioned to her bloody ear and James felt himself relax slightly. A ruptured eardrum wasn’t good, but it was a much better reason to be bleeding out your ear than what James had been thinking. “I can’t hear much out of it.” She waved her hand weakly and sighed.

“I woke up hearing the tributes talking about how you hadn’t known where I was and I thought that they’d gotten to you.” She said, looking down at the ground and then flicked her eyes up toward him, looking at him through her lashes. “I thought that I’d killed you with my stupid plan and then Lestrange got a parachute with a flashlight in it. I ran before they could find me, but I couldn’t see anything, and I felt clumsy.

“I ended up tripping down a hill and I fell against a pile of rocks and boulders. They had me cornered and they were shining the light at me so I couldn’t see them. I shot at them blind. I killed the girl from two, she’d been holding the flashlight, it fell down the hill and then I aimed it at them so they couldn’t see me as I ran away- well I guess I didn’t run really but… I didn’t go far. Just slipped between some of the rocks and waited to see who’s picture would be in the sky.” She covered her face with one of her hands and started crying.

James quickly moved so that he was beside her and wrapped her up in his arms. “Shh,” He ran his fingers over her hair, it was matted with blood and leaves and mud, but he didn’t care. She was alive, she was with him again. Everything else they could fix. “I heard those first three canons go off and I thought it was you too. And then I watched the helicarrier take away 2, 3 and 4 and I ran back to the tree to see if you were waiting for me here. And then the fourth canon went off and I did this to my glasses,” He motioned to his face she gave him a small smile.

“Oh no,” She reached up and tapped the shattered glass. “You’re blind and I’m deaf. The odds aren’t really stacking up in our favor, are they?”

James pressed a kiss to her forehead, pretending that it wasn’t too warm. “We’re together now, Lily. That’s all the favors we need.”

Lily reached up and squeezed his hand. “That’s sweet, but I’m going to need a bit more than Aspirin and forehead kisses.”

James looked at her until she looked up at met his gaze. “I thought you were acting a bit strange if the concussion and ruptured eardrum was all that we were contending with.”

“Yeah.”

“I was hoping that you were just hungry and thirsty.”

“I’m not really.”

“Drink more water.” It scared him that she wasn’t thirsty. That he had to keep telling her to drink the water. When he’d been dehydrated, it had been the only thing that he could think of.

She complied and then set the canteen down next to her. “When I fell down the hill, I hit those rocks pretty hard. I think I broke a couple of ribs.” She bit down on her lip and looked at the ground again. “I’m bleeding and I haven’t looked at it yet. I’m going to need you to do it.”

He pulled back from her slightly so that he could look over her more fully, trying to work out where she was cut.

“It’s on my stomach.” She answered for him. “I don’t think I punctured a lung though, so that’s something.” She smiled at him, but it didn’t make him feel any better.

“Is that where the bar is right now? We’re just being grateful for unpunctured lungs?”

“Yep. That’s where the bar is.” She nodded, and then leaned back against the log as he shifted so that he was sitting in front of her. She reached out and touched her hand to his cheek and he was shocked at the way she did it, without hesitation or any calculating look on her face, he nearly stopped breathing. “James, I want to go home. With you. I was ready to give up before they made that announcement. We can go home. Together.”

Her eyes were big and wide as she looked over his face, looking as though she might be doing what he was doing. Looking over every inch of his face to make sure that he was really there.

He covered her hand with his own.

“I’m going to be so angry if I was stung by one of those trackerjackers and this isn’t real.” He muttered, and Lily laughed, and then coughed and then grimaced.

“Don’t make me laugh please.” And then she was pulling his face toward hers and pressing their lips together.

James’ hands moved to cup her face, holding her gently, both for fear that she would disappear and because he didn’t want to hurt her. He knew that the very last thing that should be on his mind just then was kissing Lily. She was in pain, and she needed his help. Her wounds were quite possibly far beyond anything that James could do for her, but he believed that, since she grew up with a healer as a mother, she would be able to walk him through everything.

After, when she was somewhat better at the very least, then he could think about kissing her.

But then he remembered that he hadn’t been the one to initiate the kiss. He’d wanted to kiss her about a million different times in their lives, and hundreds of times since coming into the arena. He wanted to kiss her even though he knew that she would probably only let him because they were being watched, and that’s why he hadn’t.

And he still hadn’t.

She had kissed him.

Her lips were too warm against his own, but her fingers slid back into his hair and he was almost able to forget about that.

He pulled back abruptly and shook his head. “We’ve got to get out of the open if you’re going to start doing things like that.” He looked around the tree line, checking to see if there was anyone there, but also avoiding her gaze.

She’d kissed him for the cameras, for the sponsors back in the capital who could send her medicine. He knew that, and he’d kiss her again if he thought it would help, but there was still a part of him that wanted her to have kissed him, simply because she wanted to.

Nothing was simple here. You couldn’t do anything simply because you wanted to.

But somewhere along the way, he’d gotten it into his head that if things were different, and they were able to be friends like they were now back in 12, then maybe he could change her mind about him entirely. Maybe he could get her to like him like he liked her.

And now that was an actual possibility, because they could both go home.

“James,” He bit down on his tongue and looked at her, his eyes still wide.

“You can’t climb, can you?” He didn’t want to talk about it.

“No. I can’t climb. James, look at me please.”

He cleared his throat and looked behind him again before he looked at her.

“That was for you.” She said quietly, her eyes narrowed, her head bowed slightly.

He clenched his fists at his sides to keep from reaching out for her and blinked at her a couple of times. “I think you’re just trying to prolong the time until I have to take your shirt off.”

She bit down on her lip. “Stop it. I told you not to make me laugh.”

“I can’t help that you find me incredibly charming and hilarious.” His heart was beating faster now, jumping around his chest happy and terrified. He wasn’t entirely sure what she’d meant when she said that the kiss was for him. And it wasn’t as though he could ask what she meant, because it sounded like she’d meant that it wasn’t for the cameras. Like when he squeezed her hand under the sleeping bag and let his fingers trail up and down her arm. She couldn’t kiss him without everyone seeing, but he wanted her to mean that she’d have done it if no one was looking.

She smiled at him and then held a hand against her stomach and her face pinched together. “Try and be a bit less hilarious for a minute, yes?”

His brow knit together in worry and he racked a hand through his hair. “You’re going to have to tell me what to do.” He said. “I’m not good at this stuff, I have no experience with first aide of any kind.” He’d watched Remus deteriorate every few months, but there had been nothing he could do for him. He didn’t know the first thing about tending to wounds.

He was starting to think that she’d kissed him simply to distract him from how bad things were.

“I’ve got a confession to make.” She leaned herself back against the log and bushed her hair away from her face. “I don’t know much about it either. My sister has always been a bigger help to my mom than me. I get squeamish around blood.”

James hadn’t been expecting that. Lily knew everything about surviving out in the woods. She couldn’t not know something.

“Perhaps we should have spent some time at the first aide stations back in the training center.” Lily said, inching herself down so that she could lay flat on her back. James reached out to help her but wasn’t sure where he could touch her without causing her pain.

She managed on her own before he could decide and then he just looked at her for a moment, at a loss of what he should do now.

“Well go ahead and take a look.” She motioned to her abdomen and then covered her eyes with her hands.

James scooted closer to her and peeled the hem of her shirt away from her pants. It was coated with blood and dirt and he knew that it was going to stick to her skin as he pulled at it. “Maybe I should get it wet first.” He said, reaching for the canteen at her side. He figured using the water he’d put an iodine tablet in was better than just using the river water.

He rolled her jacket away from her stomach and then carefully poured some water on the bottom half of her shirt.

He set the canteen down and licked his lips, trying to steal himself for what he was about to see.

He pulled at the fabric and Lily started to hum a consistent, low note as the shirt pulled away from her flesh.

At first he couldn’t tell where the injury was. Her stomach was a mess. He shrugged out of his jacket and pulled off his long sleeve tee, cut off the sleeve and got it wet so that he could go about cleaning her off.

It took a while, and Lily continued to hum on and off, but soon he could see it. A too wide gash running along her ribs about four inches long. He sucked on his front teeth to keep himself from saying anything about it. He was glad that Lily still had her eyes covered because when he lied to her, he didn’t want her looking at his face.

“It’s not that bad.” He said, ringing the rag out beside him and then pouring some more water straight onto the cut. It already had little angry red lines forming around it, and the skin was hot to the touch, hotter than her forehead. “We’ll clean it up and you’ll be fine.”

She peeked at him through her fingers. “That bad?”

James tried to make his face neutral, but it didn’t seem to fool her. “No. You’re going to be fine.” He said, and that was the only part that he believed wasn’t a lie. A parachute would come, or they would just win sooner than planned and then the Capital would heal her.

“Yeah.” She nodded, letting her hands fall away from her face. “Yeah, I’ll be alright.”

“Come on. Let’s get it wrapped up. We’ve got to find cover before it gets dark.” He cut his shirt into strips and Lily shook her head.

“You shouldn’t have done that. Now you’re going to be cold.” She said as he leaned over her and wedged the strip of fabric around her back.

“I’ve still got my undershirt and the jacket.” He told her. “Plus, now I’ve got you to keep me warm.” He carefully tied the cloth around her, stuffed the rest of his tattered shirt into the backpack and started picking up the rest of the supplies that he’d dumped onto the ground. “I’ll check the fish net and then we’ll go.”

He refilled the canteens, checked the trap, and then came back to her side all in about thirty seconds. There was no fish, which wasn’t good. They both needed food, but Lily more than him. “There will be some fish in the morning.” He said, instead of telling her that there wasn’t any now.

She nodded. “I feel like we’ve switched roles now.”

“Yes, I’m no longer the invalid.” He grinned down at her.

“I can throw rocks at people’s heads.” She reminded him. “I’m not completely useless.”

“That did hurt.” He leaned down and helped her sit up.

She shrugged out of her jacket. “Can you help me out of my shirt.” She didn’t look at him or make as joke when she asked this. But then he heard her teeth chattering.

“Why’s that? You don’t want to wear a wet and bloody shirt? That’s not something you find comfortable? How strange.” He reached for her hem for a second time, though he was nervous for different reasons this time. “Can you lift your arms?”

“Not much.” She admitted, “Let’s do one arm at a time.” And so she lifted her right arm and James went to pull off both layers at the same time, wanting to minimize the amount of time she was in pain. Once her arm was out, she lifted her left and they repeated the process. Once it was over her head, he dropped the soiled clothes onto the ground and picked up her jacket, quickly helping her back into it.

“I’ll wash those for you tomorrow. Let them dry off in the sun.” He shrugged back into his own jacket and then pulled on the backpack and slung the arrows over his shoulder along with the bow. “How should I help you to your feet?”

She reached out her right hand and James took it. He felt her start to pull on his hand and he crouched down, carefully balancing everything and hooked his arm under hers. She didn’t start humming again, so he assumed that he didn’t hurt her too much. Regardless, she was on her feet and they were moving.

He squeezed her hand and then kissed her forehead, this time not for himself or the cameras, but to check her temperature. He wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not, but she didn’t feel as hot as she had when he’d first found her.

Maybe the cut really wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Perhaps all it needed was a good rinse. Lily would be fine as soon as she got a bit more to drink and some food in her belly. Tomorrow he would make sure that she got those things.

Tonight, he would make sure that they rested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you're thinking in the comments!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an: Good Sunday everyone! I hope you've all been having a fantastic weekend. I've spent most of my time gardening and fence building, so I'm feeling good and slightly sore. I hope you all enjoy these chapters because we finally made it to THE CAVE! I had a lot of fun with these chapters. I hope you enjoy.

Lily kept putting one foot in front of the other, keeping her head down so that James and any cameras pointed at her couldn’t see her face.

“We’re almost there.” James said every few minutes, and Lily knew that he didn’t know where they were going and that they couldn’t possibly be almost to the unknown location, but she didn’t say anything back because he was trying to comfort her and it seemed to be making him feel better. After he found her like he did, she was sure that he needed to feel better.

She felt as though she was better off now. Not just in the sense that she was with James and not completely defenseless should someone find her, but she felt stronger than she had earlier. It was probably the water and the Aspirin. It was more of a band aid fix, she knew. She’d seen the look on his face when he’d looked at her wound, and it was worse off than what he wanted her to know, but feeling better was good, even if she was still in pain.

“You never told me what adventures you got into these last couple of days.” She said, her teeth clenched together as they stepped over another fallen log.

“I didn’t really have any adventures. I spent my time going back and forth between completely convinced that you were fine to thinking the worst. I was looking for you.”

“I was trying to get back-“

“I know.” He nodded.

“Did you know the whole time?”

“I might have doubted for a minute or two on the first night. There’s only eight of us left. I knew you wouldn’t want to partner up much longer with those odds, but then I figured you’d tell me that and not just disappear on me if that were the case.”

Lily tried to think that through to distract herself from the pain that walking caused. “I hadn’t thought about it when we set the plan. I didn’t think that anyone was going to die right away. What happened to the boy from 2?”

“I didn’t see what happened, but it looked like his neck was broken when the helicarrier took him out of the arena- Was this here before?”

Lily looked up at him and followed his gaze to a few boulders tucked into the edge of the forest. She sighed, “I’m not sure. I didn’t really spend all that much time on this side of the river.”

“It looks like it might be a cave.” James said, starting in that direction. Lily looked at the pile of boulders again, trying to see what he saw, but it just looked like a pile of rocks to her.

They got closer before James stopped and slid their equipment from his shoulder. She grabbed onto a tree so that he could let go of her and then he walked over to the boulders, walked around it once and then disappeared inside of it. “It is a cave!” He called out to her, peeking his head back out and smiling. She couldn’t help but smile back at him. Maybe those fever pills he’d given her were a bit stronger than whatever her mom had back home for emergencies.

He came back for the supplies first, quickly dropping them into the cave, and then he came back and looked at her with is head tilted to the side. “You need a new pair of glasses.” She said, looking at the shattered lenses again.

“Are you alright?” He asked, ignoring her comment.

“I feel a lot better now,” She nodded, “Still sore of course, but I think that just comes with having a large cut on your abdomen and a handful of broken ribs. And a concussion.”

“It looked awfully straight to be from a rock.” He said, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Did something happen that you left out?”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t think so.” She put her hand to her side, gingerly touching where the makeshift bandage was. “That’s the only time I fell- apart from when the blast knocked me off my feet. I don’t think I had it when I woke up though.” Her head started to feel cloudy again and she wasn’t sure. It was possible a piece of flying debris had got her before she fell.

“Rabastan didn’t catch up to you?”

“I feel like I would have remembered that.” Lily raised a brow. “You think I’m keeping secrets from you?”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to keep things from me. I may not know what I’m doing out here, but I want to help in whatever way I can.”

“I know. You’re sweet. And incredibly charming and hilarious? Is that what you said earlier?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up and Lily smiled again. It almost felt normal somehow. Even though none of this was normal. Their normal was not speaking to one another at all. It was only in the last couple of weeks that that had changed, and then only because of the Games.

“Yeah, but that was after you kissed me. So clearly you were already thinking it.”

And suddenly it was like she could feel every camera in the arena zoned in on her. Waiting for her response, waiting for another kiss. She felt her wound start to pulse and her tongue went dry, but she kept her face neutral. “Well I guess I can’t do that again if it’s going to inflate your ego this much.”

“Don’t worry about my ego.” He waved her comment away and took a step closer to her. Something started buzzing in her ears. “I’ve always been full of myself. So why don’t we get you inside and see if we can’t change your mind. Yeah?”

The look on his face was positively impish and almost made the buzzing noise disappear. She wasn’t sure if she was blushing because people were watching or if it was because of another reason entirely.

He didn’t wait for her to answer him before he hooked his arm back around her, keeping his hands up high to keep away from her wound and her injured ribs.

The mouth of the cave was tricky, but James helped her navigate it, and soon they were underground in a cave that Lily thought was too big to be an accident. “I don’t know how you saw this.” Lily shook her head as James helped her to the ground. It wasn’t completely dark yet, but there wasn’t much light coming in either. “Especially with only one good eye.”

“My friends and I were always good at… finding things.” He hesitated at the end, but then just shrugged his shoulders. “Here, you need to drink more water.”

She didn’t much feel like drinking more water, but some part of her brain knew that he was right. She did need to drink more. She’d only had a few sips when he was cleaning her up down by the river, so she accepted the canteen when he held it out to her and took another drink.

“More than that.” He said, narrowing his brow.

“No need to be bossy.” She said, but took another couple of drinks. And then a third when his brow didn’t soften. “I’ll get sick if I drink too much at once.”

“You’ll get sick if you don’t drink enough either.” But he took the canteen and put the stopper back in place. “You’ll have some more in a few minutes.” He frowned at her. “I wish I had something to feed you.”

“You already said that we’d worry about that tomorrow.”

“Still. You need to eat.”

“I need to sleep.” She countered. “I’ve had a very long day and I’m exhausted. And besides, you’ve already made me feel so much better. Let’s just rest for a while.” The temperature was dropping, and she was already freezing. She’d been feeling chilled for about half the day, though it had gone away briefly after she’d taken the medicine James had given her while she sat in the sun.

James looked over her for a moment and then nodded. “Fine.” He handed her the canteen again. “You drink some more, I’ll set up the sleeping bag.”

The ground was slightly damp, so he put Lily’s blanket down first, and then rolled the sleeping bag out on top of it. He pulled off his jacket and balled it up to make a sort of pillow and then unzipped the side and opened it entirely.

Lily quickly put the lip of the canteen up to her mouth when he turned around and took a swig of water. He seemed satisfied that she’d listened to him and then took it back and set it against the backpack. “I’ll help you in.”

She wasn’t able to stop the grunts of pain this time as he moved her, as it was nearly impossible to move around crouched over without using your stomach muscles, and hers were severely injured.

Eventually though, he had her laying down, and she was able to relax her stomach completely and nearly sighed in relief. “Here, I think you should take another dose of medicine before you go to sleep.”

Lily agreed with that as well, so she didn’t complain and took both the pills and another drink of water to swallow them with.

“You’re not going to get into the sleeping bag with me?” She asked as James started zipping her up.

“I think I should keep watch.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He nodded, pulling the zipper up to her shoulder and then pulling the front of the bag up to her chin.  “If someone stumbles in here, I don’t want something terrible to happen while we’re both sleeping.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry that I can’t climb right now.”

James shook his head and leaned over to press his lips to her forehead. Like last time, she got the feeling that he was checking her temperature again. “Please don’t apologize. I don’t mind that you’re in rough shape, I’m just glad that you’re alive, Lily.” He furrowed his brow and shook his head again. “I mean, I do mind that you’re beat up… I’m not trying to say that I don’t care-“

Lily cupped his cheek and ran her thumb across a smattering of freckles that she hadn’t noticed before. “Thank you for finding me James. For looking for me for the last couple of days. For not giving up on me when you did find me.”

His mouth quirked, but he didn’t smile all the way. “I’ve had a massive crush on you since I was nine years old. I don’t know how to give up on you.”

Lily watched the gold flecks in his eyes as they started to sparkle and wondered again if she was seeing things because of her fever or if James really was just something else.

She’d kissed him earlier.

She’d never kissed a boy before that, and she’d done it in front of everyone in Panem.

That didn’t seem fair. She should have had that moment to herself. And after she’d done it, she could tell that James hadn’t liked that it was in front of everyone either. He wouldn’t look at her until she’d asked him too.

She’d done it because she thought she should. Because she was so relieved to see him, because she knew that people were expecting her to, because he had looked a bit lost, because he was making her smile even though she was convinced that she was dying, because she knew they needed to get sponsors on their side.

Because she wanted to?

Had she wanted to kiss him? Would she have done that had no one else been looking? She had told him that she’d kissed him for him, not for the cameras, but that had been to make him feel better. Because she knew that it made her feel better to think that he did things for her when the cameras couldn’t see. When his thumb stroked her hand in the sleeping bag, or when he whispered things in her ear so low that no one else could hear. She’d wanted him to feel like she had felt at those times.

“What are you thinking?” He asked, reaching out and brushing her hair away from her face.

She bit the tip of her tongue. “Something embarrassing.”

He raised his brow and leaned over so he was eye level with her. “Oh?”

“I’m not sure that I want to tell you.”

“Then you probably should have come up with some kind of lie.” He picked up her hand and laced their fingers together like it was something he did all the time.

“I could come up with a lie now.” She countered.

“You could.” He agreed.

“I kissed you.” She blurted out. “Earlier. When we were down by the river.”

“Oh? Did you?” She squeezed his hand and then pinched him when he didn’t react. He caught her other hand and sat down beside her cross-legged. “Yeah, alright. I think I remember that.”

She knew the direction he was going even though he hadn’t said any more yet. She knew that if she played along, he was going to make a joke about how she should refresh his memory or something like that. But instead she took a deep breath through her nose, “That was my first kiss.”

James looked stuck somewhere between shocked and horrified and Lily didn’t think her proclamation warranted that kind of reaction from him. “And I’m sitting here being an ass about it.” He dropped one of her hands so that he could rake his own hand through is hair. “Honestly, why you put up with me at all, will forever be a mystery.”

Lily let out a soft and breathy laugh and then squeezed his hand again. “You just saved my life, James. You’re not being an ass. Besides, I like it when we joke around and poke fun.” She let her eyes fall shut, the day finally catching up with her. Between the pills, the rock walls around them, and James’ hand in hers, she felt fairly safe. She knew that she would open her eyes in a few hours and nothing too terrible would happen to her while she slept. No one was going to sneak up on her because James was going to watch over her.

She wasn’t afraid that she would just stop breathing because James had cleaned her up and taken stock of her injuries. The only one that she had to worry about was the gash on her stomach, and it wasn’t so bad that she would die in her sleep. Of that she was almost confident.

“That’s good. I might be incapable of any other form of human interaction.” Lily smiled again, but she couldn’t open her eyes to look at him. Her eyelids were too heavy.

“Are you cold?” She wasn’t sure why she was asking.

“No, I’m good.”

“I don’t believe you, but I can’t remember why.”

“I’m good, Lily.”

“You can get in the sleeping bag if you want.”

“I’ll fall asleep if I lay down with you. I’m just going to sit right here and make sure we’re safe.”

“Thanks for finding me, James.”

“Thanks for helping me find you.”

She giggled quietly, “I threw a rock at your head.”

James snorted, “It worked.”

She felt his hand in her hair, and it wasn’t long after that before she fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

He heard the parachute falling down from the sky almost as soon as she’d fallen asleep.

For a brief moment, he let himself think that it was medicine that would actually help her. He was optimistic about almost everything, but he wasn’t stupid, and he knew that fever pills weren’t going to heal her. She needed a strong anti-bacterial injection of some sort. Something that would get rid of the angry red swelling and the heat pouring off of it.

He should have looked harder for her, he should have found her sooner.

He pulled his hand away from her forehead and replaced it with a damp cloth before he crawled out of the cave, the knife in hand, and looked around for where the parachute had fallen.

It wasn’t far from the entrance of the cave, and he was grateful to the Gamemakers for that, because he’d given Lily his jacket to use as a pillow and it was much colder outside of the cave than it was inside.

He realized that he was _still_ hoping for medicine when he opened the lid and found a pot of broth and two rolls. He tried not to let his face fall, but he was frustrated. Why would Moody send them this? Sure, they were hungry, but that was a problem that they could solve on their own.

James had set up Lily’s fishing net, and he was sure that in the morning it would have at least two fish in it. He wasn’t great at cooking or scaling fish, as he’d never done it before, but he could manage well enough. Especially if Lily could talk him through it.

He screwed the lid back on and headed back in the cave. “I’ll wake her up in a bit.” He said for the sake of the cameras.

But when he got back in the cave, Lily was trying to sit up. It was dark in the cave now that the sun was down completely, but he could see her just barely.

“What are you doing?” He asked, trying not to shout at her, but he was worried that she was going to reopen her wound so his voice was louder than he intended.

“James?” He saw her patting around on the ground next to her and realized she was looking for her bow. He sighed and put his hand on top of hers.

“I’m here.” He eased her back down. “Why are you trying to get up? I just finished patching you up, remember?”

“I know, but you weren’t here.” She sounded cross, but it was a softer cross than usual.

“Lily?”

“You can’t just disappear like that.”

“Lily, are you…” But he didn’t want to ask her if she was crying. The words got stuck in his throat and he couldn’t decide if it was because he didn’t think she’d want everyone to know that she was crying, of if it was because he didn’t want her to tell him that _he_ had made her cry.

“I didn’t know where you were. I was- I was worried about you.” She swatted at his arm weakly.

“We got a parachute, Lily. I just stepped out to get it. I thought you were sleeping.” He ran his fingers through her hair again and she leaned into his touch. Her eyes stayed closed for a moment and he thought she might have fallen back asleep, but then her eyes opened wide.

“A parachute?” She asked, “What’s in it?” He could hear the hope in her voice, and felt like crushing something. Preferably one of the Gamemakers.

“Soup and a pair of rolls. It’s still warm too,” He tried not to let his voice sound disappointed. He faired better than Lily did.

“Oh.” She pressed her lips together. “You can have it. I’m not hungry.” And then she closed her eyes again and James’ disappointment in the contents of their parachute evaporated as he was gripped with paralyzing fear.

She’d been getting better. Her fever was down, and she’d drank some water and he’d cleaned her up, she should be better, not worse.

“Lily you haven’t eaten anything in days. I think we should share it.” But even as he said it, he knew that he wasn’t going to have any of the broth.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it down. I can smell it now and it’s got my stomach in knots.”

“Then I’ll feed it to you slowly, but you are going to eat it.”

“I don’t want to waste what little we have.”

“We’ll have more in the morning, Lily. The stream is full of fish, and I can find some roots and berries as soon as the sun comes up. Feeding you isn’t a waste.” He must have let some of the frustration he was feeling seep in because she opened her eyes again and looked over his face.

He could see it in her eyes. She knew that if she didn’t get medicine from the capital soon, she wasn’t going to make it. He was the only one that didn’t want to admit it, because he couldn’t leave this arena without her. He couldn’t go home knowing that he’d failed to save her after they’d been told they could both live.

“I’m not going to let you die.” He said, forcing out the word that they’d been avoiding. “And you’re not going to make it any harder on me than it already is.”

Lily opened her mouth for a moment and then closed it. “Alright.” She muttered. “Help me up then.”

It took a moment, and he was sure that Lily was clenching her jaw to keep from crying out, but soon he had her propped up against a rock, on an incline. So, she was neither sitting up all the way, nor was she laying down.

She reached down and pulled something out of her pants pocket, and a moment later the cave was filled with orange light.

“You kept the flashlight.”

“Yeah.”

He uncapped the broth pot and picked up a spoon that they had thought to send.

“I’m not trying to make this harder on you.” She said after he’d coaxed the first bite into her mouth. It had taken her a minute to swallow and she had gagged slightly, but she opened her mouth for another bite when she’d finished talking.

He spooned out more of the broth and sighed. “I know you’re not. You just told me that you weren’t hungry, and I got scared.” He didn’t feel weird admitting that either. He was scared. Terrified really. “You should be hungry.”

“I know.” She swallowed the second bite and then kept her mouth closed for a moment. “I’m scared too.” She said softly.

James shook his head. “Nah, I’ll worry enough for the both of us, alright? And besides, I’m not going to let anything happen to you, yeah?”

“You’re really nice to me.” She said, and then opened her mouth to take another bite.

“Well, what I was doing before wasn’t working. Decided to try something else.”

“I like this better.”

“Yeah, I kind of got that impression.”

It took almost an hour to get her to drink the rest of the broth, and when he held up the roll, she closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. “Fine.” He grinned and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“You can just take my temperature,” She muttered, opening her eyes.

“Oh my, you’re awake!”

“You said I didn’t have to eat the bread, there’s no need to pretend to sleep anymore.”

“Alright, well I was taking your temperature. And I was kissing you at the same time. I like kissing you.”

“Well then kiss me for real.”

His heart was in his throat. He’d never heard her say anything like that before. She’d always been direct of course, but he didn’t think she’d be talking like that if she wasn’t feverish. “I’ll kiss you if you eat some bread.”

Lily paused and then sighed. “I’m not going to eat the bread.” She seemed to think about it. “No. I’m not going to.” James let out a breathy laugh and tore one of the rolls in half.

“Are you sure?”

“You didn’t eat any of the broth. You should eat the rolls. Also, I don’t think you’d want to kiss me if I puked on you.”

“That might be where I draw the line.” James grinned. “Blood and mud aren’t a problem for me, but regurgitated broth is just gross.”

Lily smiled, “Regurgitated broth… now you’re being gross.”

“Well if you’re really not going to have any bread, you should try and sleep.”

“Alright.”

“Do you want to lay back down?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’m good here.” She didn’t want him to try and move her again, and James was relieved. He didn’t want to try and move her again either. He reached over and turned off the flashlight. They’d probably left it on for too long as it were. He wasn’t sure how much of the light had seeped out of the cave or if anyone walking by would have been able to see it.

James started to feel the cold of the night once she’d fallen asleep again. He was able to distract himself with the bread at first. He decided he was only going to eat one of them, try and give the other to Lily in the morning, but he had to put it back in the tin and then stuff the tin to the bottom of the pack to keep himself from caving.

He felt like he should be doing something, but he wasn’t going to move from Lily’s side, not when she’d tried to follow him out of the cave the last time.

So instead, he just scooted as close to her as he could manage, stuck one of his arms into the sleeping bag to keep warm and tried to keep himself awake while she slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come next weekend! Don't forget to leave me a review!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story is coming to you late because I was in a different state this morning. Please forgive me.   
> Also, enjoy!

Lily woke up coughing.

Stretching her abdomen tight as she coughed, she felt her wound reopen on her side and swore out loud as she covered the area with her hand.

She couldn’t stop coughing either. It was so painful and there was nothing she could do about it but hold her wound and hope that it wouldn’t bleed too much.

James was at her side in a moment, with a canteen. He pulled her up so that she was sitting and told her to take a deep breath through her nose. She felt tears stinging in her eyes as she tried to do what he was telling her.

He started rubbing her back and kept whispering encouraging things in her ear before she was able to stop coughing long enough to take a drink of water.

It took a bit longer to get her breathing under control and then she just sort of leaned against James’ chest and tried to keep herself from crying. She couldn’t sit here and break down in front of all of Panem, she couldn’t seem emotionally weak if she was already physically weak. All she’d managed to do for the last couple of days is stay alive, and that was in big part, thanks to James’ care.

James leaned back slightly and reached for the arm that she had been coughing into. He looked it over and then set it down. Lily looked up at him.

“No blood,” He explained. “That’s a good thing. Also, your eyes look brighter this morning.”

“Or maybe you let me sleep too long and now you’re delirious.”

“You can’t fall asleep asking me to kiss you and then wake up insulting my judgement.”

Lily felt her cheeks flush and looked back down. “Good morning, James.”

“Morning, Lils.” He pressed his cheek against her forehead and then pressed a kiss there. “Is that better?”

It took her a moment to remember that she’d complained about how he’d been kissing her in order to take her temperature. “I suppose.” She made sure that she was grinning for the cameras, but every part of her just felt heavy and tired and she just wanted to lay back down and go to sleep, not feeling at all refreshed from having slept through the night.

Instead, she took the canteen from him and forced herself to drink more water.

Quite suddenly she was terrified of the fact that she was going to die soon if she didn’t get proper medical attention. “I should eat something.” She said.

“You’re hungry?” He asked, sounding hopeful and excited and Lily didn’t want to take that away from him, so she nodded. “I saved you a roll.” He pulled the pack closer to them without moving away from her.

She took the roll when he offered it too him and split it in half, trying to give half of it back to him.

“It’s not that large, Lily. You can eat the whole thing.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

“It is fair though.” She took a bite and stopped arguing with him.

It didn’t bother her stomach as much as she thought it was going to and she managed to eat the entire thing without it coming back up.

“Here,” James reached into the bag against and pulled out the fever pills. Before he could open them, Lily took the bottle and read over the information.

“That’s what I thought.” She muttered, shoving them back into his hand without opening them. “Those have morphling in them.” She shook her head. “I don’t think I should have anymore of them for a while.”

James looked surprised and looked over the bottle himself. “So that’s why you were all giggly and smiley last night? You were high?” He laughed and shook his head. “Alright, no more of those until you really need them.” He checked her forehead again. “Your fever doesn’t seem too high.” He mused, but Lily could feel the fever at the back of her eyes and her entire body was chilled.

“Well perhaps all your nagging is working.” Lily took another drink and tried to take stock of her body. She tried to think of the questions her mom would have asked her if she was a patient coming to see her. She took a deep breath and noticed that the rasping was gone, so that must have been from her ribs and the fall. It still hurt when she took a deep breath, but broken ribs would do that to you.

She rolled her shoulders and tilted her head from side to side. She curled her toes and then stretched out her legs and arms, all the while, careful not to contract the muscles in her stomach. James was quiet and watched her, as if he knew what she was doing without having to ask.

“Conclusion?” He asked, brushing her hair away from her face.

“I think the cut is the only real problem. My ribs still hurt quite a bit when I move, but they’re broken or fractured so that’s not going to be a quick fix.”

“Just the cut.” James repeated, nodding. “Alright. We can deal with that.” Lily nodded her agreement, but her head swam a bit at the movement.

“Lingering concussion.” She added to the list.

“Well I think concussions call for rest, so you can continue to do that, and I’ll go and check the fish traps so that we’ll have some more food to eat, yeah?”

“You set the traps?”

“I watched you do it a few times.” James shrugged. “Hopefully I did it right.”

She didn’t want him to go and check the traps. She didn’t want to split up again. It hadn’t worked so well for them the last time and the thought of having to sit here and wait for him to come back didn’t bode well with her.

But he’d given her all the broth and they didn’t have any food left. They couldn’t just stay here.

He seemed to read the look on her face easily enough. “I’ll be sixty seconds, alright? I’m going to run down, grab the trap and then run back.”

“I don’t like it.” She muttered, turning her face to hide in his chest. She was feeling weak again. She was probably losing them sponsors.

“I don’t want to leave you here,” He said, and then his lips were by her ear. “We play this right, we might get another parachute.”

She narrowed her brow because she’d been thinking the exact opposite of that. But she tried to think about it differently. She couldn’t get up and go with him, she couldn’t protect him, but she was worried about him. Her being worried for _him_ , that would add to their story of being in love. It would make people more invested.

She didn’t want to play things up for the camera though. She was tired and sore and felt like she deserved to keep some things private. Especially soft feelings that were just starting to shine through when James played with her hair or squeezed her hand.

But he was right. If they played up the pretend romance for the camera, then they might get another parachute. If they put on a really good show, they might even get something really good in the parachute.

Like medicine.

And then she wouldn’t have to be worried about him going off on his own and getting tracked down by the careers, because she could go with him and keep him safe. Try and repay the favor.

She leaned into him. “Sixty seconds?”

“The traps aren’t far from here.” He nodded.

“If you take any longer than that I’m going to assume that you’ve been hurt.” She leaned up and looked him in the eyes. “I’ll come after you.”

He gave her a small grin. He must have thought she was playing things up, like he’d just suggested, but she wasn’t kidding. “I know you will. You tried to do that last night.”

“And I’ll do it again.” His thumb brushed along her cheek and he leaned closer to her.

“Before you leave,” She said slowly, “Last night…” She wanted to look away from him. She wanted to clench her jaw and hide, but she took a breath and continued. “I think you promised me something if I ate the roll. I’d like to cash in before you disappear into the world outside of this cave.”

She remembered kissing him yesterday. She couldn’t remember why she’d done it exactly, and she was sure that the morphling in the fever pills had been partially to blame, but she remembered liking it. She remembered feeling a giddy sensation in her stomach and fingertips as she felt his lips move with hers.

She remembered last night, when she’d seriously considered eating the roll all because he’d told her that he’d kiss her if she did.

He was looking at her, his smile still in place, but it didn’t look as real as it had a moment ago. It was as though what she had said had shocked him, even though it was his suggestion that had made her say it.

“So those pills weren’t addling your brain too much.” His voice was a bit lower and a chill went down Lily’s spine. “Are you trying to distract me? Keep me from going to the river?”

“Would that work? Because if so, then yes. That is exactly what I’m doing.” She nodded, slowly this time to keep her head stable. She could lean in now, she could pull him up against her.

But she wanted him to kiss her this time. She wanted to know that he was okay with playing the Gamemakers and the audience like this. She wanted to know that he _wanted_ to kiss her. He’d already told her how he felt about her, but everything in the arena was different and not as real as it would have been outside.

“It would definitely work.” He nodded, his thumb tracing her cheek again. “Even though I’m going to get the food for you. You need the food.”

“You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself.” Maybe she _could_ kiss him into staying in the cave with her. She could see it in his eyes that he was close to forgetting about the fish entirely.

She was still waiting for him to lean in when they heard a canon go off.

They both jumped and looked toward the mouth of the cave. There was no danger there, no one standing in the opening waiting to kill them next.

Lily looked back at James. “Well now I’m definitely not letting you go out there alone.”

James dropped his forehead against hers with a small smile. “I’ve managed to keep myself alive these last couple of days without you around to protect me, you know.”

“I’m not saying that you can’t protect yourself, or that you’re… I mean I see that you’ve faired better than I have. But I don’t want to hear a canon go off and have to wonder if it’s you. Especially not when I can’t fucking move by myself.”

James cupped her face in both of his hands and kissed her softly, first on the lips and then on the tip of her nose. Everything about how he was touching her just then had her feeling like there were lightening bugs dancing up and down her arms. “I am not going to leave you in this cave to fend for yourself, Lily. I am going to go and check the traps though. Sixty seconds.”

She must have frowned more prominently than she thought she had because he pressed another quick kiss to her lips and smiled at her. “I’m not going to like it either, okay? But I’m not going to sit here and watch you starve.”

And then she remembered that if he didn’t go, she’d have to watch him starve too. “Fine. Sixty seconds.”

“You can count if you’d like. I’ll be back in a flash.” And then her cheeks were cold because he was no longer holding them, and she had to put one of her one hands on the ground to keep herself upright.

She didn’t count. Instead she just sat there and picked at the corner of the sleeping bag, wishing that she didn’t have to add ticklish feelings to the list of things that she had to think about.

She was dying. It shouldn’t matter how James’ kisses made her feel.

Of course, the opposite was true too. She was dying, so of course it mattered how James’ kisses made her feel. If she wasn’t going to leave the arena, then why pretend that she wasn’t feeling _something_? Why pretend that she didn’t want to sit closer and hold his hand tighter and tell him that his eyes reminded her of something that she couldn’t name

But then he was back, his face pulled into a frown, and she lost her momentary confidence and became worried.

“What happened?”

“The trap was empty.”

Lily wanted to ask if he’d set it right. She wanted to ask him if it had been tampered with.

But before she could, she realized that there was another possibility. The Gamemakers wanted to watch them starve. They’d taken the fish from the river and Lily had blown up the Careers food supply, so now they would all scramble to get food, and steal food from one another and they would kill each other in the process.

James sat down next to her and put his head in his hands. Lily leaned back against the wall of the cave, carefully and slowly, and then lifted her hand and ran her fingers through James’ hair. Because she’d been comforted when he’d done that to her.

“We’ll figure something out.” She said.

“We have no food.” He said, and he looked so desolate.

“Yet.” Lily said quickly. James reached up and took her hand in his own.

“Right.” He nodded. “I haven’t given up.”

“I honestly don’t think you know how.” She said honestly. He looked over at her, but his smile looked to be for her benefit.

“You’re really not as scary as I thought you were.”

“Shh,” She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them, trying to smile herself. “I don’t want people back home to know that.” He kissed the back of her hand.

“Pretty sure my reputation is shot.” He leaned against the wall beside her.

“Yeah,” She agreed.

“Hey! You could try and be a bit more comforting here.”

“I’m honest before I’m comforting.” She squeezed his hand.

“That’s a lie.” He shook his head. “I should check your wound again.”

Lily huffed. “What good will that do? We don’t have anything to fix it.”

James squeezed her hand. “I’m just trying to get you out of your shirt again.”

“Right.” She closed her eyes and slid her fingers out of his. “Go ahead, then. I’m only wearing this jacket right now.”

“Would you mind if I went down to the river again-“

“Yes, I would mind. I don’t need clean clothes.”

He didn’t argue with her.

He carefully unzipped the jacket and then untied the bandages. Lily, like last time, did not look. She thought it was bad enough that her mom and sister had to see it from all the way back in District 12, knowing that there was nothing that they could do for her.

She heard his sharp intake of breath and knew that it was worse than before. This was why she didn’t want him to check it. What could he do but worry more?

“I’m going to put new bandages on it.” He said after a moment of staying silent. He threw the soiled ones into a corner of the cave and then pulled the pack closer to him and dug through for his torn shirt. He stripped it again and then poured some of their water on a piece. “I’m going to clean it.”

“Okay.” She almost snapped at him.

She was glad that he didn’t try and be overly careful, because that would have taken longer, and it would have hurt longer. He just tried to clean it as quickly as he could, and Lily just bared down until the stinging was mostly gone. 

When she was redressed, James put everything away and offered her another dose of fever pills. She took only one, and promised to drink the rest of what was in the canteen.

“You need to sleep though.” She said.

“I’m fine.”

“You need to sleep.” She repeated with more force. “I’ll wake you up if anything happens.”

His eyes were bloodshot, and he was starting to get dark bruises under his eyes from lack of sleep, so it didn’t really take much more convincing than that. He straightened out the sleeping bag, and turned it so he could rest his head on top of Lily’s leg while he slept.

“Does that hurt you?” He asked, pulling his glasses off and setting them in front of him. Lily was surprised that the left lens hadn’t fallen out entirely yet.

“No,” It felt nice to have him close, and she almost said so out loud, knowing that it would play well. “Get some sleep.” She said instead, her hand going into his hair.

It didn’t take long before he was sleeping.


	26. Chapter 26

When James woke up, it was almost dark outside. He’d slept through their entire day. He probably would have slept longer, but there was an aching in his empty stomach that had forced him into consciousness.

He didn’t know when exactly he had fallen asleep, but he felt like he had been asleep for quite a while.

His head was still resting on Lily’s leg when he woke up, and he could feel her shivering under him.

He pushed himself up and looked at her. Her eyes shot open when his head left her leg and she looked very pale. “You should have woken me.” He said, instead of asking her how long she’d been freezing.

“You looked too peaceful.”

He reached out for his glasses and shoved them on his face. “Lily.”

“And you can’t nag me when you’re sleeping.” She added, and he couldn’t find it in him to come up with a witty response because she sounded so tired and weak.

“I’ve got to nag you.” He said quietly, dragging the pack toward him with one hand while he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with the other.

The first thing he did was get her to drink some more water. Her lips looked far more chapped than they had when he’d gone to bed. The culmination of her chewing on them to distract herself from the pain she was in, and from being dehydrated, despite the fact that he’d been pushing her to drink water since he found her.

Then he gave her another dose of the fever pills. She didn’t fight him on this. He didn’t take her temperature, because he’d been laying on her leg and her entire body was radiating heat. Despite that, she was still shivering. She was feverish, he didn’t need to check.

And finally, he helped her back into the sleeping bag, and laid her down so that she could go to sleep.

He sat next to her and watched her shivering in the sleeping bag, trying to ignore his stomach and not to worry himself sick over feeling as though there was nothing he could do for her.

After about twenty minutes, he couldn’t sit there and do nothing anymore. He got the knife from the pack and then climbed out of the cave. He’d folded up the blanket for Lily to use as a pillow this time so that he could wear his jacket, but it was still cold outside when he got under the sky.

He walked down to the river and washed Lily’s clothes and refilled the canteens. Then he checked the fish traps again and found them empty. The Gamemakers seemed to have gotten rid of the fish.

He went back to the cave and checked on Lily, made sure that she was still sleeping, hung up her clothes, put a canteen within her reach and then went back outside. He needed to find something to eat.

He walked up the river a ways, trying to remember any of the edible plants that the instructor had told him about when he was in the training center.

Her found a blackberry bush with only a few berries left on it and picked it clean. Berries made him nervous, but his mom grew black berries and blue berries in her garden back home, so he was sure of what they were.

Then he found some mint leaves and something he thought was edible roots, but he was going to have to ask Lily about it first, because he wasn’t sure.

It wasn’t much, but he thought he could make some sort of tea with what he’d found. The mint leaves should be easy on Lily’s stomach at least.

He came back to empty his pockets and check on her again and the anthem started to play just as he reached the mouth of the cave. He saw Lily laying on her back, and she didn’t stir as the sky showed that Bertram Aubrey, from District 10 was the person who had died earlier.

He remembered sitting across from the boy in the cafeteria during training and how brave he had seemed and tried to push down the feeling of relief at there being one less person in the arena to contend with.

The way things were going now, they were just going to have to outlast the rest of the tributes.

There was only one other team out there, Rabastan and Emma, everyone else was working by themselves. If they all killed each other quickly, then Lily and James could get back to the Capital in time for the doctors to heal her.

Back at the training center, he had told Lily that he didn’t think he could kill another contestant. Before he was in this specific situation, he’d thought that he wouldn’t fair well if he was attacked by one of the other contestants. He’d been sure that they would kill him when it came down to it simply because he wouldn’t be able to make a killing blow. James had never been all that good at fighting, though he had done his fair share of it growing up, but now he knew that if someone tried to attack him, he’d do whatever he needed to do to get back to Lily and keep her safe.

It was crazy how what you were fighting for could change your outlook. It didn’t much matter if he saved his soul if the cost was Lily’s life.

He continued to search around the cave for more food to eat, and he didn’t find too much more. Another couple of blackberry bushes, a berry bush that he wasn’t sure about, a few more roots, and that was it.

When the moon was high in the sky, he went back into the cave and took stock of everything that he’d found. He put some water into the empty broth pot along with the mint leaves and let them soak. He’d try and heat them up tomorrow. Maybe build a fire. A hot drink would do Lily good.

He had a few dozen blackberries, so he split them into two even piles and then ate half of his own pile. The rest of the food he needed Lily to check over before he touched it though. He moved back to Lily’s side and noticed that she was no longer shivering. Instead, her cheeks were flushed red. He unzipped part of the sleeping bag and put a wet cloth across her forehead.

He spent the rest of the night watching over her, going back and forth between zipping her up and unzipping her, while he drank water and tried to keep himself from eating the rest of the berries he’d gathered.

Lily didn’t wake up until the sky was almost light, and when she did wake, she looked far worse than she had the previous day. He tried to get her to eat the blackberries, and he knew that she was worse than she looked when she didn’t ask him where he’d gotten them.

She did drink the tea, he warmed it in the sun instead of making a fire because he was to nervous to leave her side for more than a few minutes.

She had no snarky comments, no jokes, no smiles, she was just sick and tired and pale and cold and James felt helpless.

He wanted to ask Moody what the hell he was playing at. He hadn’t sent them anything but a pot of broth, and that hadn’t done anything for them. He could have sent some medicine, maybe not medicine that could have fixed everything, but something that could have helped short term, given her more time on her feet. Something that would have helped with the pain at least.

“Tell me a story.” She said sometime around midafternoon. It was the first thing that she’d said in a couple of hours and James was relieved to hear her voice again.

“A story?”

“Yeah.” She said quietly.

James shifted, unconsciously moving closer to her. “What kind of story do you want to hear?”

She was quiet for a while and he thought she’d decided that answering his question would require too much effort, but then a ghost of a grin appeared on her ashen face and she said, “When did you first realize you fancied me?”

James smiled in surprised, because he hadn’t been expecting her to ask anything like that. The day he found her, and the following day, he’d been wondering how much of what she was saying was for the camera and how much she was saying because it was the truth or because he’d given her morphling accidentally.

He’d been trying to convince himself not to think anything was the truth until they got out of the arena and he could ask her, but it was hard not to get his hopes up when she asked him to kiss her, or played with his hair while he was sleeping or worried about whether or not he was cold while she was battling a terrible infection that wanted to kill her.

“When I first fancied you?” He repeated and then raked a hand through his hair. “I’m not really sure exactly. I mean, I noticed you right away, you’re hard to miss with your bright red hair and brilliantly green eyes.”

“I know, I’m gorgeous, but that’s not what I mean.”

“You are gorgeous, and I know that’s not what you mean. We were six at the time anyway, I didn’t fancy you then. I didn’t know what it meant to fancy someone.” He ran his palm along his chin, feeling some of the stress leech out of his body because she seemed alert enough to use sarcasm. “I guess I started fancying you when I was around eight, when I started picking on you. At the time I didn’t realize that picking on you would _not_ make you like me back.”

She flipped her hand around, so her palm was up and wiggled her fingers. He quickly slid his hand over hers and held it tightly. “Though apparently you still think I pick on you, and it seems to be working now.” He said, forcing himself to keep a smile on his face. He didn’t know if it was for her sake or the people watching them.

“I said you nag me, not that you pick on me.” She countered.

“I’d say that _you_ pick on _me_.”

“You’re an easy target.” He smiled for real now, and she closed her eyes. “What did I do that made you like me? We never really talked.”

“I know we didn’t, but you were hard not to pay attention to.” He ran his thumb along the back of her hand, not realizing that he was doing it. “Do you remember when…  I don’t really want to name names here, but there was a group of kids that liked to pick on Remus and Peter before school every day. I think I started fancying you when you threw your schoolbook at one of them for tripping Peter.”

“I do remember that.” It felt like she was trying to squeeze his hand, so he squeezed back. “They were bullies. They used to pick on me and Mary as well. I miss Mary. You think she’s alright?”

“I think she’s faring better than you are,” He said, looking toward the mouth of the cave. He was going to have to do something drastic if she was going to survive.

“I think you should sleep while I can keep my eyes open.” She said suddenly.

“I’m not going to be able to sleep just now. If you’re tired, then you can sleep.” Her eyes opened for a moment, but then they closed again. And even though he’d just told her that she could go back to sleep, he felt a heavy weight settle on his chest. A sudden and near-paralyzing panic gripped him and he tightened his hold on her hand. “You want me to tell you more reasons that I fancy you?”

She stayed quiet. “James.”

There was something in her voice that kept him from wanting to hear what she had to say. He knew what she was going to say and he didn’t want to hear it. “Just go to sleep, Lily. I’m alright.”

“James, you can’t-“

“Lily.” He looked at her to see that her green eyes were locked on him, the start of tears forming in the corners. “I’m not leaving you. I can’t do that. I _won’t_ do that.”

“James-“

“Lily, don’t ask me to leave you here.” She managed to squeeze his hand this time.

And before she could try again, Ludo Bagman’s voice filled the arena for the third time since the games started. This time he was telling the tributes about a feast, which James had been expecting.

“You won’t find food at this feast, however. Instead, the Capital has deduced what it is that each of you needs most and we have decided to play the most generous hosts. Those who decide to come to the feast will be rewarded.” He repeated the information in mostly the same way a second time so that everyone understood that if they showed up, they would get what they needed most, and James almost jumped to his feet.

“No.” Lily shook her head before he could say anything, her grip suddenly much stronger on his hand than it had been before. “You’re not going.”

“They just said that they were going to have what we needed most. What we need most is medicine for you. Of course I’m going.”

“And Rabastan will be waiting for you, James!” She was right of course, but James already knew that. He’d watched enough years of the Hunger Games to know that the feasts were second in bloodshed only to the opening of the games.

“I’m not just going to stay here and watch you die.”

“You won’t have to! All the other tributes are going to go to the feast and kill each other. Then we’ll be the only ones left and we can go home!”

He pursed his lips together and shook his head. “I’m going.”

“Then I’ll go too.” She said, and started trying to push herself into a sitting position. “I’m slow and useless at the moment, but I’ll follow you down there if you try and go. And I’ll yell the whole time so that anyone could find me.” She didn’t look like she was capable of getting out of the cave, but he’d always known her to be determined.  

He narrowed his eyes and wondered if he could stomach the idea of tying her up to keep her from following through on her threat. “Please stop trying to die faster,” He said, forcing her to lay back down. “I won’t go.” He lied. “Just lay back down.”

Her face was even more pale from the small movement and the tears had slipped down her cheeks, most likely from the pain.

“I’m not going to let you die for me.” Her grip suddenly felt like a vice. Like she thought that if she held on tightly enough, then he wouldn’t go. Perhaps the tears were not from pain.

“I’m not going to die for you.” He promised, because he knew that if he died during the feast, then Lily would die here in this cave all by herself and he wasn’t going to let that happen. “I’m not going to leave you alone. I won’t go.”  

She didn’t believe him, not in the slightest. She refused to go to sleep or let go of his hand. She finally released his hand when he told her that they were out of water. She’d drank her entire canteen upon James’ request and even ate some of the roots that she had determined were edible.

He was crouched over the river, refilling the canteens and thinking about how he could sneak out in a way that wouldn’t cause Lily to harm herself any further, when he heard the quiet pinging of a parachute dropping.

They were getting a parachute now? They’d been starving for days, Lily was dying from infection, and Moody had found money to send them a parachute right before a feast? Whatever was in that little silver bucket had to be insanely expensive.

He knew that it couldn’t be anything too important, so instead of medicine for Lily, he hoped for a new pair of glasses. If he was going to the feast, he would like to be at his best. Half blind was not his best.

It wasn’t a pair of glasses though. It was a small vial that he’d seen many times over his life. His mother sometimes put it in her tea at night to help her sleep. Remus took it sometimes when his lungs kept him awake and he needed to sleep. Sirius took it when he needed an escape from the nightmares. James had taken it a couple times after a particularly nasty fall from a tree when he was a kid.

It was a sleeping syrup. Sickly sweet and potent. James had never had a full dose, but he knew that a full dose would knock a person out for at least twelve hours.

“Could have used a pair of glasses, but this will do.” He said quietly, remembering the cameras.

He quickly got to work making Lily another cup of tea. He found more blackberries and mint leaves and then dumped the vial of syrup into the tea.

Lily was still alert when he got back to the cave and James could tell that it was sheer will power that was keeping her upright. She looked truly terrible.

“I found a blackberry bush and made you another cup of tea.” He said, setting the canteens down beside the backpack and then crouching down next to her.

“Did you eat some of the berries?” She asked.

“I did. They’re really sweet. Like the ones you find in late summer, over ripe and ready to burst.” He held the cup to her lips, and she took a drink.

“I don’t have blackberries all that often.” She said, and he tilted the cup again. “This taste familiar.”

“I made it for your yesterday.” He reminded her, trying to keep his face neutral. He got her to empty the cup almost completely before she realized that there was something else in the tea.

Her eyes widened when the effects started to hit her, and she reached up and weakly knocked the cup out of his hand. “How could-“ But the rest of her words died on her lips as she fell unconscious.

James couldn’t let himself feel badly for what he’d done. The twinge of guilt still hit him as he zipped her into the sleeping bag and then made sure that he had everything that he would need. He had drugged her after all, he couldn’t _not_ feel guilty about that.

But it was for her own good.

If she was going to try and follow him into the woods while he was trying to get her medicine that would save her life, then she’d end up getting both of them killed. This way they had a chance.

Staying in the cave neither of them had a chance.

He kept telling himself that as he started toward the center of the arena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to leave me a review!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you're all having a wonderful weekend and that you're ready to read some more of this fic! We're getting closer and closer to the end! And surprise, surprise, I have no idea how many more chapters there will be. At least six. Probably eight. We'll see.
> 
> Enjoy!

James made it to the edge of the clearing faster than he thought he would and was surprised to hear nothing.

There were no crunching leaves, there was no breaking twigs, there were no animal sounds either. It was as though the Gamemakers had put everything on silent so that the first tribute to make a sound would be heard throughout the entire arena.

James was determined not to be that tribute.

However, he could see the bag with the number 12 on it, sitting on a table in the middle of the arena and he knew that he had to get to it before any of the other tributes got up there and decided to take the bag for themselves. He had already considered taking more than what was his, just because he felt like he’d gotten here first.

He knew that the other tributes had to be close by though. They were around. Lurking on the edge like he was. Rabastan wasn’t so tough now that he hadn’t eaten in a few days, otherwise he’d be out there in the middle of the arena daring someone to try and come get their bag.

James took a deep breath and tried to steel himself.

He was strong, he was fast, he could run out there and get back into the woods before-

And then someone else had done just that.

James felt like he was tripping over his feet as he watched Dennis, the young boy from 11, run out into the middle of the field and snatch his bag off the table before running straight back into the woods on the other side of the clearing.

He’d made it look easy enough, but James still didn’t move.

He thought of Lily’s hot, red skin, and the wound that he couldn’t get to look less angry and again, tried to steel himself.

And then his feet were taking him into the middle of the field. He didn’t have time to question whether he was making the right choice or walking toward his death, because he had focused on the backpack and had his hand gripped around the blade and he was going to get the medicine for Lily because he didn’t have any other choice.

It seemed as though some of the other tributes had come to a similar conclusion regarding the contents of their bags because he wasn’t the only one in the field anymore. He didn’t know if they’d come out when they’d seen him come out, or if he hadn’t seen them starting to walk out because he’d been trying to work up to taking a few steps forward, but he wasn’t alone in the field.

He glanced around the arena, looking for Rabastan, but he didn’t see him. Only the girl from 1 and the girl from 9. Rabastan, Lily and Dennis were the only two not in the field. There were only six of them left.

James hadn’t realized that the numbers were so low. It made his heart pound harder in his chest. If he got this medicine, they wouldn’t have much longer to go before they got to go home.

He pushed his legs harder and had almost made it to the backpacks in the center when he heard something zip past his ear.

He didn’t realize that it had been a knife until another one came hurdling toward him and glanced off his shoulder, cutting through his jacket and probably drawing blood, but doing nothing to slow him down.

He looked over his shoulder and saw that Emma was on his heels.

That was a mistake.

She must have been out of knives, because the next thing she threw was a rock, and it hit his glasses, completely demolishing the left lenses. The lens shattered and the glass shards lodged themselves into his skin, slicing open his cheek, his nose, his eyelid. He was blind without his glasses and he was fairly sure that the glass had cut his eye as well, though the blood in his limited vision could have been coming from many different parts of his face.

He swore, trying not to slow down, but he could only see out of one eye, and so he tripped and then Emma was on top of him. And it turned out that she wasn’t out of knives, she only wanted to knock him over before she used another knife on him.

He had his left hand up by his face, but she pulled it away and sank the blade through his hand and into the earth. James sucked in sharply and saw stars appear behind his eyelids.

“I’m going to have fun with you.” Emma said, and James opened his eyes to see that she had another knife. She was straddling him, and when he tried to pull his hand away from the blade lodged into the ground, she moved to put her knee on his arm so he couldn’t move.

“Your girlfriend killed my friend and since she’s not here, you’re going to have to pay for that.” She didn’t sound upset about her supposed friend’s death, only gleeful at the thought torturing James. “And then she’ll die without whatever is in the backpack.” James must have flinched because she laughed. “I’m right, aren’t I? She’s going to die because you failed?

“Or maybe Rabastan will find her before then and get to cut her up into a bunch of little pieces like he wants to.”

“You can go to hell,” James muttered. This girl was not much smaller than him, but she shouldn’t have been able to hold him down like she was. Between the blood streaming down his face, his impaired vision and the fact that his hand was lodged against the earth by a blade though, he wasn’t surprised that he was having trouble getting away from her.

“I don’t think so. Rabastan and I are going to win this thing. We’re going to be the first pair of tributes ever to win, and we’ll-“

A canon went off and for once James was sure that it wasn’t Lily who was dead. She was drugged and hidden, but Emma wasn’t sure that it wasn’t Rabastan, so he used her moment of distraction to bring his arm around, pull the knife out of his left hand and then hit her on the temple with the hilt of the blade.

She slumped off of him and fell to the ground quietly.

He sat up and pushed himself backward, putting some space between them.

She was unconscious though and so he let himself take a deep breath.

But only one.

Then he was on his feet again. He grabbed the backpack labeled with the 12, noticed that the only packs left were for one and ten. He’d forgotten about the girl from ten. She must have been who the canon was for.

He hesitated only for a moment, but then decided to grab Rabastan’s bag as well. He would have taken ten’s bag, but he didn’t think he could easily carry three.

And then he was off toward the woods again.

He didn’t head straight to the river though, worried that Rabastan was waiting for him somewhere at the edge of the woods. He wanted to stop running for a moment and see what was in his bag, determine if he was capable of hunting James just then.

He heard someone scream from the direction he’d been running from and assumed that Emma had just woken up with a headache and the terrible realization that someone had taken her bag. James smirked and veered off toward the river.

He figured that if Emma was that angry about the missing bag, then Rabastan wasn’t able to get the bag himself and was not hunting James.

She should be grateful that James hadn’t killed her.

Though the idea hadn’t even crossed his mind. 

He slowed down when he got closer to the cave and then came to a full stop for five minutes to listen to the sounds of the woods. There were sounds again. Birds and the wind. It was no longer silent.

And he couldn’t hear anyone following him either.

So he continued on.

He seemed to be clumsier moving at a slower pace.

He kept swiping at his eye and pushing shards of glass further into his skin. He noticed that his hand was starting to throb. He was actually getting very dizy.

He found the entrance to the cave and all but fell inside, his knees colliding painfully with the rocks. He tossed Rabastan’s bag aside, unzipped his and Lily’s bag and pulled out a single syringe. He’d never administered a shot before, but he figured that he knew what to do, more or less.

He stuck it into her arm and pushed out the medicine.

He looked over her sleeping face, the anger and shock that had been there when he’d left had been smoothed out and he reached out and almost pushed her hair back before realizing that he was bleeding quite profusely from his hand.

He swore, rinsed the cut off with clean water and wrapped it in a bandage.

Then he went about trying to get the glass out of his face. He knew that he was going to look a mess when Lily woke up, but he wanted to make sure that he looked less of a mess than he did now.

He wasn’t worried about infection now. He knew that it would only be a day or two before the games were over. He only had to make it a day or two and then the Capital would fix him up. He just didn’t want Lily to be any angrier with him than she was going to be when she woke up.

After he’d done the best he could, the exhaustion hit him. He collapsed on the ground beside Lily and fell asleep before he could consider the dangers of them both sleeping at the same time.


	28. Chapter 28

Lily woke the next morning feeling as though her brain was entrenched in a heavy cloud.

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, trying to remember where she was, and then it all came back to her in a rush, the cloud ripped away.

She sat blot upright and looked around the cave, instantly relieved to find James sleeping on the ground beside her.

Had she dreamt that he’d drugged her to go to the feast?

She reached over and pushed his hair back from his face. Maybe he’d just given her the sleep syrup to help her sleep.

She turned to look around the cave. It had to be midafternoon, with all the light that was filling the cave. She spotted the canteen beside her and reached forward to pick it up, realizing how thirsty she was.

And then she spotted the large orange backpack with the number 12 on the front.

And then she realized that she was sitting up and moving around without any pain shooting through her torso and making it hard for her to breathe.

She pulled up the hem of her shirt and ripped off the bandage that James had made for her out of his undershirt.

She hadn’t looked at the wound before now, but she knew that it hadn’t looked like this yesterday. It was hardly anything more than a thin line. She was nearly completely healed. She took a deep breath in and realized that her ribs were sore anymore either.

She reached over and nudged James with the heel of her hand. “James,” She shook him lightly. “James, wake up!” She needed to show him that it had worked. The medicine had worked!

All at once, she remembered where he’d gotten the medicine, and her joy at being well and not in imminent danger of having her body fail on her, fell way to anger.

He’d drugged her.

He’d drugged her and then risked his life to get her that medicine when she’d told him not to.

She hit him a bit harder this time, “Wake up, James!”

He started to stir, and she let him open his eyes before she said anything else.

“You want to explain yourself?” She asked when she saw his hazel eye pop open.

“Oh good, you’re already mad. Awake though. And not horrifyingly pale.” He pushed himself up and Lily noticed that he’d bandaged his left hand. He reached out with his right hand and felt her forehead before she could shove his hand away. “And your fever is gone.”

“Look at me, James.” She said, looking at the side of his head. He slightly tilted his head and peeked over at her. What was he playing at? “Look at me.” She repeated herself. James sighed and then did as she asked.

“What the hell happened to your face?” She asked, reaching out and pulling his face closer to her so she could get a better look. She didn’t need him to tell her what happened though because it was clear. The lens from his glasses was missing, there were cuts all around his eye, and his eye was bloodshot. “James,” She sighed.

“I’m fine though,” He said, reaching up and moving her hand over so he could kiss her palm. “And you’re fine. And we can both go home now.”

“I told you that I didn’t want you to do that though. I told you that I didn’t want you to risk your life for me.”

“And I told you that I wasn’t going to sit here and watch you die. Looks like Moody agreed with me.”

Lily pulled her hands away from him and sat back, glaring. She tried to think over what it was that she wanted to shout at him for a few minutes. And he just sat there across from her and let her think. Eventually she just gave up, because he was fine, and she was better and it didn’t seem like anything she said was going to change his mind because he had gotten what he wanted.

“You know what,” She settled for. “I’m just going to have to get you back to 12 so that Remus can yell at you for me. I’m sure he’s figured out at least fifteen ways to tell you what an idiot you are.”

James thought that this was some kind of joke and he laughed and then leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

She leaned back and narrowed her eyes at him. “You don’t get to kiss me after drugging me and then doing what I asked you not to do.”

He moved back, but his smile didn’t dim. It looked as though it was what was lighting up their cave instead of the sun. “I saved your life. I think I should get to kiss you at least a little.”

“Oh? And what happened to your hand?” She asked, reaching out and picking up his hand, turning it over to see that there was blood stains on both sides of the bandages.

He pressed his lips together and nodded his head. “Alright, so you don’t want me to kiss you right now.” He pulled his hand back and then stretched his arms over his head, carefully to avoid the roof of the cave.

“You still have to tell me what happened.”

“You don’t want to know what happened.”

“No, I don’t. But you’re going to tell me.”

“You’ll only shout at me again.”

“Well then maybe I should just shout at you now!” She let her voice get louder and he turned to look toward the entrance of the cave.

“You’re going to call Rabastan right to us.”

“I’ve got my bow, what do I care if he tries to walk through our hole in the ground?”

James smirked at her. “I took his bag.”

“What?”

“At the feast. I got our bag with your medicine in it, and then I took his bag too. He wasn’t there and Emma was unconscious, so I took it.” He nodded to a corner where there was a backpack tipped over on its side.

Lily reached over and pulled it to her. An orange number one was printed on the front. “What’s in it?” She asked, wondering what the audience thought of James’ heroics, and his stealing the bag on top of it all. Were they a favorite to win now?

“I haven’t looked yet.” He shrugged. But she wasn’t thinking about what was in the bag, she was thinking about the fact that the announcer said that all the bags would contain something that the tributes desperately needed. Rabastan had desperately needed whatever was in the bag and they had it.

“We could win.” She said quietly, believing it for the first time. “James,” She looked up at him. “We could go home.”

“We could go home.” He repeated softly with a smile.

Lily still wanted to be angry with him, but she couldn’t dim her joy at the thought of getting to return to her family.

She dropped the bag and flung herself at James, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself tightly up against him. She laughed into his neck and then rested her chin on his shoulder so the Capital could see her smiling. So that her mom and sister could see her smiling. 

She didn’t try and pull away when he started kissing the side of her head. She just buried her face in his chest again and held him tighter. She couldn’t believe that they’d made it this far, or that they had a good shot at getting home. They had one another and she had a bow and things felt like they were looking up for them.

She pulled away after a few minutes, but didn’t go far, and quickly laced her hand through his good hand before she decided that she needed to know what they were keeping from Rabastan.

“What do you think it is?” She asked, pulling at the zipper.

“I don’t know, but I thought it was awfully strange that he sent Emma by herself.”

“Did she do that to you?” She nodded toward him, referring both to his eye and his hand.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. She almost had me for a minute. She’s really good with her knives.”

Lily clenched her teeth together and tried not to think about what had happened while she’d been asleep in the cave. She didn’t realize that she was clenching his hand so tightly until he reached out with his bandaged hand and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“I’m alright though. I’m right here.” Lily forced herself to lessen her grip on his hand and nod.

“I know. I just- you shouldn’t have done that.”

“Right.” He nodded. “But I’m glad that I did.”

She shook her head. “You can only see out of one of your eyes and- “

“And you’re alive.” James interrupted. “Everything else is secondary.”

Her heart sounded like it was pounding in her ears now. She looked away from him and tried to peel apart her feelings, figure out what they were. She was still scared, still angry, but she had softer feelings too. She could still feel them trying to peek out. She didn’t know what to do about those feelings now that neither her nor James had to die in the next couple of days.

She bit the tip of her tongue and pulled her hand away from James so she could open the backpack.

“What is that?” James asked, leaned closer to her so he could look into the bag.

“I don’t know. Some sort of mesh suit.” She pulled it out and looked it over. “I don’t know what it’s supposed to do. Why could Rabastan not go on without this?”

“Maybe something happened to his clothes?” James asked, narrowing his brow. She watched him close his injured eye and try and make sense of it with only his right. She didn’t know how bad his eye sight was, but she was nervous about how they were going to get around with him squinting out just one of his eyes.

But he hadn’t given up on her when she was all but dead, so they would figure out how to deal with this.

“Do you want to wear it?” She asked. “You used both of your shirts as bandages.”

“I cleaned your shirts the other day,” He nodded to where her shirts were folded neatly. “I didn’t want to try and get them back on you though.”

“I think I might be able to do it all by myself now,” She grinned. She ran her thumb over the mesh suit and frowned. “Why did he need this? What is it?”

James was already unzipping his jacket and then he held out his hand for the top half of the suit. He pulled it over his head and then looked down at the sleeves, stretching out his arms. “Am I invisible now?” He was smiling and Lily shook her head.

“Nope. I can still see you.” She pressed her lips together and then reached over for her own clothes. “So what do you think we should do today? Hunting? The fish are gone, maybe the rest of the animals are gone too. We could forage?”

“You’re hungry then?” He pulled his jacket back on and turned his back to her so she could change. She was grateful that he did, but she hadn’t thought to ask him since he’d already seen her without her top on. He’d been the one to take it off actually.

“I feel like I haven’t eaten much in days.” She said with a smile, knowing that she’d get a rise out of him.

“I tried to get you to eat!” He said indignantly, almost turning around. He caught himself though and she watched his hair bounce as he shook his head. “I tried to get you to eat the rolls, and berries and roots and the mint tea and- I got you to eat the broth but you were being stubborn about that-“

“James,” Lily zipped her up jacket and then leaned forward and rested her chin on his shoulder. “You’re a very easy person to tease, you know that?”

He turned his head to look at her, a smile back on his face. “I’ve missed you.” He kissed her cheek and she leaned closer to him.

“Don’t know what you mean, I’ve been lively and talkative for the last few days. Just like my normal self.”

“Right, sure you have.”

Lily grabbed her bow and picked up one of the canteens. She took a drink, her first without James’ prompting in days, and then capped it. “Now, let’s get out of here. I don’t know why you’ve insisted that we stay here for so long.”

And just as she went to step out of the cave, thunder boomed loudly, shaking the cave. And then it was raining.

No, it wasn’t just raining. It was a downpour, and onslaught of heavy water. Lily couldn’t see more than two feet out of the cave.

Her shoulders dropped and she turned back to James, who looked just as disheartened as she felt.

“Or not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an: And there we have it! I hope you all enjoyed this weeks installment, and now we have our favs stuck in a cave, so that'll be fun! 
> 
> Don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you're thinking!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Happy Sunday my lovely readers, and prepare yourself for some fluff and some angst. Because that's what this chapter consists of entirely.
> 
> Enjoy!

If James wasn’t so hungry, then he really wouldn’t mind being trapped in this cave with Lily.

Hell, even being as hungry as he was, he didn’t really mind being trapped here with her. She was alive again. She was laughing and talking and smiling, her cheeks rosy and her eyes bright.

“I can’t believe that it’s still raining,” Lily lamented after about three hours. She had let him go back to sleep for a while. But then he woke up to her picking out small shards of glass that he’d missed around his eye. She had not been sorry for waking him up.

“I know.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair. It felt damp despite the water not getting through the rocky ceiling. It was humid as hell, so everything was damp.

He was still laying with his head in her lap, where he’d slept earlier. She was still looking for more glass in his eyebrow. “You know, I think you’re just doing that because you’re bored now.”

“I mean, sure. But also, you don’t need glass in your face.”

“Sure, but you’re just hurting me at this point.”

“I think you’re fine.” She said and then pinched another spot on his brow and yanked out another shard of glass.

“Ouch,” He muttered, flinching.

“Don’t be a baby.” She pinched his uninjured cheek.

“I’m not being a baby, you’re just being rough with me.”

“Well maybe next time you think it’s a good idea to drug me into unconsciousness and then run off to let some mad woman almost kill you, you won’t do it.” She leaned over him so her bright green eyes were directly above him. He couldn’t help but smile at her.

He reached up and tugged a lock of her hair. “I’d do it again.”

She sighed and leaned back again. “I know you would.”

He pushed himself off her lap and sat next to her. Scooping up her hand he said, “Stop trying to get me to feel bad about what I did. I know that it could have gone wrong, but it didn’t. I knew the risks when I went in and it was worth it.” She pressed her lips together. “I mean, look at this cool shirt I got out of it!” She snorted and shook her head. James ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

“It is a very cool shirt.” She agreed, looking over at him, her head leaning against the wall.

“You remember what you said to me when I first found you and gave you the bow?”

She took in a deep breath, “I think I said something like, ‘How fucking stupid are you?’ I’m still waiting for an answer.”

He huffed and shook his head. “No, you said that you didn’t want to watch me die. You said that you didn’t want to see it happen. We were trapped in here for days, Lily. I was watching the life slowly leech out of your body. You’ve got to understand, at least a little, why I did it.” He didn’t expect her to understand entirely. He had a lot of feelings toward her that he knew she didn’t return, but it wasn’t just that. He’d been offered the opportunity to help her when she’d been suffering and slipping away, he couldn’t just let that opportunity go.

“I do understand.” She said, squeezing his hand. “But you’ve got to understand, _at least a little_ , that it feels terrible to know that you risked your life like that to save me.” She sat up straight and angled herself toward him. “How would you feel if I had gone and done what you did? What if you were the one that had been injured and I went to the feast _alone_ after drugging you.”

He bit the tip of his tongue and ran his hand through his hair. That wouldn’t have happened. She seemed to guess what he was thinking and she sat up straighter, turning toward him.

“What, you think I would have just sat here and watched you die? I know why you did it, I know you felt like you had to, but I still don’t like it and I’m going to give you shit for it. It all worked out this time because we’re both still alive, but please, in the future, let’s not render one another unconscious and then almost die.”

“I feel like that should be an easy thing to promise. But I won’t, not until we’re out of here.” But his brow was still furrowed. His chest was all tight and he wasn’t sure what to think at the moment. He knew that Lily was kind beyond most, but would she really have risked her neck to save him, or was she just saying that for the cameras? If she had been the one who wasn’t injured, and she had the bow and all of her survival skills, would she have stayed in the cave with him and tried to nurse him back to health?

She didn’t need him like he needed her. All feelings aside, James wouldn’t survive the arena without her. Lily would have fared just as well one way or the other.

He leaned back against the cave wall.

He hadn’t only done it because he fancied her or as some kind of self-preservation, had he? She was suffering and in need of help and he couldn’t turn her away no matter who she was. Just taking a look at his friend group would prove that he had some sort of need to help people etched into his very being.

And Lily was from the Seam, she took extra grain to feed the desperate people who came to her mother when no other doctors would see them. She snuck into the woods to hunt for food and she gave more than she had to give. She always had a kind word and a smile, and she never let her circumstances bring her down long enough to affect those around her.

She was brave, she was brilliant, and she absolutely wouldn’t have left him to die.

Usually when he thought about Lily and how he felt about her, his heart would race, his palms would sweat, his neck would flush, but it was a familiar feeling. It was tame and safe feeling, because it had been there for so long. He was as sure and comfortable with this feeling as he was his own name. But looking at her now, something new lodged into his chest. It was heavy and thick and corrosive.

This new feeling ate away at the old feeling and pushed itself into every corner and crevice of his heart.

And it was not a familiar feeling. It was not comfortable or safe. It was all-consuming and terrifying.

He must have visibly paled or something because Lily dropped his hand to bring her own up to his cheek. “Are you alright? Are you envisioning Emma attacking me now? I didn’t mean to freak you out this much.”

“Well _now_ I’m envisioning that,” He shook his head and looked down at his lap. He lied because it was easier than the truth.

He was _in love_ with this girl.

“And it didn’t even happen to me.” She thought she had him now. She thought he was going to apologize. Maybe he should, just to make her feel better. That was all he wanted anyway right? If she wanted to hear him say he was sorry for saving her life he could do that. Then he could deal with the rising panic that came with realizing that he was in love.

He looked up at her, his mouth open and the words poised to come out. She was leaned in, waiting for them too. The look on her face let him know that she knew they were coming.

But then he was struck with the realization that she was alive all over again. Alive and well and nagging him and smiling and laughing and blushing and giving him shit.

She was right in front of him.

He reached out and brushed his thumb along her cheek before he pushed his fingers back into her hair.

He didn’t know how she felt about him. She hadn’t liked him when their names were drawn, they’d gone into the arena as tentative friends, he didn’t know where they stood now. And if there were ever a moment that he needed honestly in the arena, it was now.

“I’m sorry that I scared you.” He said quietly. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you owe me something, but you don’t. I went to that feast for myself as much as I did for you.” Her brow creased and he pulled her closer, tipping their heads together. “And it’s different anyway. If you had gone to the feast, you’d have done it for different reasons than I did.”

“How is it different?” She was going to shout at him again if he kept this up, but for now, Lily’s voice was soft and unsure.

“Lily,” He said her name just as softly, trying to will her to understand what he didn’t want to say in front of all of Panem. He figured he’d earned the right to a few private thoughts, if that was all he could have. “Lily.” He said her name again and then closed his eyes and leaned in closer.

She must have leaned in the rest of the way, because then their lips were pressed together.

It wasn’t like any of the kissed before. It wasn’t soft or tentative, it wasn’t careful or hesitant. It was heart shattering. It was mind robbing. And for a few blissful moments, he was able to completely forget that they were in the arena, that she wasn’t kissing him for the same reasons that he was kissing her, he didn’t have to think about anything at all. He just got to feel.

When her lips found his, his hand slipped to the base of her neck and immediately pulled her closer. Her hands went to his hair and his injured hand went to her hip. She was up on her knees, leaning against him so that they were chest to chest, her arms wrapping fiercely around his neck, holding him to her.

He let himself kiss her as he hadn’t before. She wasn’t injured or high on morphling. She was holding him as tightly as he was holding her, and she tasted like the blackberries that she’d last eaten.

It could have been an entire lifetime before he pulled back slightly, pressing a few stray kisses to the corner of her mouth, her cheeks and her jaw.

They were both quiet for a moment. James afraid to break whatever spell that had come over them, wondering if he should kiss her again or if he should just let himself soak up whatever was happening.

“I think I hear something.” Lily said, but she didn’t pull away from him, so he knew that whatever she thought she heard wasn’t dangerous. She pressed her lips to his a second time, lingering, before she pulled away. “I think it’s a parachute.”

He felt too cold when she was no longer pressed up against him. He felt cold and foolish. The eyes of every citizen of Panem felt as if they were boring into the back of his neck and he looked down at the ground.

“Do you hear that? My ear still isn’t working right.”

He did hear it, the soft pinging of a parachute and he realized that she probably kissed him just then with the intent of getting them both food, which they needed of course, but it still hurt.

“I hear it.” He nodded and then stood up and walked past her, careful not to let their arms brush against one another as he stepped out into the rain. It was a stupid thing to do, after having just kissed her like he had, but still, he was afraid that touching her now might just burn him.

He quickly located the parachute, but he was still drenched when he got back into the cave. The rain was coming down hard.

“I was going to go,” Lily said, reaching out and brushing his wet hair off his face. He tried to move away from her as subtly as he could, but he saw her eyes narrow and wondered if everyone at home watching was wondering what the hell he was doing as well.

He wished them luck working it out, because he had no clue.

“Let’s see what they sent us,” He said, setting the much larger container down on the floor of the cave and kneeling before it. Lily knelt down across from him, her eyes wide again and focused on the container.

He opened it and his mouth started watering instantly.

It was food. It wasn’t just broth and rolls either. Their little display of affection and brought them a bounty of food. Hot, rich ham stew, rolls with _butter_ , apples and carrots and strawberries and cheese that was so soft he knew it would melt in his mouth. There was enough food here to last them a couple of days at least.

Lily reached in and started pulling the food out, setting it neatly on top of the sleeping bag as she took stock of everything. “This was so nice,” She said, her voice changing only slightly. “Thank you!” She smiled and looked up at the mouth of the cave, probably correctly assuming that there was a camera nearby.

“Yes,” James agreed, smiling as well, hoping it seemed sincere. “We really needed this.” He looked back at Lily and found that her eyes were on him again. “How are we going to divvy it up?”

Lily bit the tip of her tongue. “I guess we might need it for more than just today. Let’s split it all in half, eat half now and worry about rationing tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, surprised to hear her say that. She was the survival expert between the two of them, but it seemed counter intuitive to eat most of the food upfront.

“I’m sure. We haven’t eaten anything substantial in days, it’ll do us good.”

When she put it like that, James couldn’t think of any arguments at all. “Well then let’s divvy it up and dig in. It smells delicious!” His heart was still hammering in his throat, but he couldn’t deny that he was excited about the food, feelings of hurt were slowly being pushed back.

Lily did most of the dividing, and by the end of it, she must have gotten too hungry because she stopped being so careful about what was ‘half’ and then she twisted the lid on and spread her hands out at their feast. Even with half the food gone it was still a lot to eat. It would take them a while to get through it.

“Let’s start with the soup,” He said, reaching down and picking up the spoons. He handed one to her, letting her fingers touch his without reacting. She’d put half the soup away by pouring it into the empty broth container from a few days ago.

James shook his head and sighed.

“What is it?” Lily asked,

“They sent us the broth only a few days ago.” He said. “But it feels like it was weeks ago.”

Lily nodded. “I spent most of the time unconscious, but I can see how it would feel like a long time for you.” She raised her spoonful of soup and held it out to him. “Here, you get the first bite.” He narrowed his brow. “For taking care of me for weeks and weeks.”

He grinned, “It wasn’t easy either. You acted like I was asking you to run laps around the cave every time I handed you the water.” He leaned in and took he bite of soup. His eyes closed and he hummed. “That’s the best things I’ve ever eaten.”

“Just wait until we get to the cheese!” Lily almost squealed and James laughed at her excitement. She scrunched up her nose at him and then took a bite of the soup for herself.

By the time they were ready for bed, they had stuffed themselves full, but they had managed to eat all of the food that they’d laid out.

“I’m going to be sick.” Lily said, leaning against the cave wall. “But in the best possible way.”

James laughed, his hand running through his hair. “I understand completely.”

Lily laughed quietly and then waved a hand toward him. “Let’s go to sleep.” She said, shuffling over to the sleeping bag.

He didn’t want to hesitate, because he knew that it was expected that they would sleep together, but he hesitated anyway. But then she held out her hand and he couldn’t have said no even if their entire world wasn’t watching them.

Once their hands were laced together though, he felt like some of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

They shifted into the sleeping bag. “Are you sure that we should both sleep?” He asked, though he knew that no one could possibly find them in the dark, the rain and in this cave. They were as safe as they could be, and it felt like that first night they’d been together up in the tree.

“I am absolutely sure that I’m going to fall asleep the moment I close my eyes. I’m sure that neither of us has rested enough in the last few days, and I’m sure that I want your arms around me while I sleep.” She didn’t look at him while she said that last thing. Something in his chest roared triumphantly, only to feel as though he’d been kicked in the stomach a moment later.

Why was it so hard for him to remember that she probably didn’t fancy him? That everything she was saying was for the benefit of the people watching this damned show? She was acting this way to get food from people with too much money.

“I’m more than happy to oblige.” He forced his tone to be light as he slid his arms around her and pulled her up against his chest.  Happy isn’t the word that he should have used though.

Despite the emotional turmoil he was going through, he had no difficulty falling asleep. Lulled by the sound of the rain and Lily’s deep breathing, he was out before he had the opportunity to continue overthinking everything.


	30. Chapter 30

Lily had her head on James’ chest, and she was trying to work out something she could do to make him feel better. She could tell that as soon as they’d kissed, something had changed for him. Something had clicked into place and made him think about things differently.

When she first realized this and he started pulling away from her, she wanted to remind him that it had been his bright idea to tell all of Panem that he fancied her and start them down this path.

And then she’d tried to move them past it. They’d joked during dinner, and then she’d made that comment about wanting to sleep in his arms and she saw something that looked a lot like pain, flash behind his eyes.

She’d wanted to take it back, tell him that maybe he should stay up and keep watch, but then he’d moved over and pulled her to his chest, and she hadn’t been able to get the words out of her mouth. He said that he was happy, but she knew he was lying.

And then before she could come up with any plan to fix anything at all, he’d fallen asleep.

And that only served to make her second guess herself. Maybe she was seeing pain where there wasn’t any. Maybe she was making a bigger deal out of it than he thought it was.

She kept her eyes closed so that the cameras thought she was asleep and let her mind run over everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours or so, trying to ground herself and push James’ hurt feelings to the back of her mind. She would deal with those when he woke up and she could actually do something about it.

It was a lot to go over.

A lot of feeling to mull over.

He hadn’t thought that she’d have gone to the feast for him. And then when she told him otherwise, he thought that she only would have gone because she was a nice person or some bullshite.

Her fingers closed around the mesh shirt he was wearing, and the fabric dug into her fingertips. She loosened her grip and wondered again why it was so important for Rabastan to have it.

Though her mind couldn’t stay focused on Rabastan just then.

Because James had gone pale and said her name in a way that no one had ever said her name before. It had all but melted her insides and before she knew what she was doing, she had kissed him and glued herself to his person. She hadn’t been thinking about anything in those few moments except that they were both still alive and that they were going to get to go home.

She still believed that now too. She had her bow and her health, and she wasn’t going to die here. She was going to get herself _and_ James back to 12.

Her hand tightened on his shirt again without her realizing it and then his hand was covering hers. His thumb started to brush the back of her hand and she looked up at his face, but his eyes were still closed and his breathing still steady. He was still asleep.

She should be asleep too.

Her eyes stayed on his face though. She couldn’t see much of him in the dark, but that didn’t stop the soft feelings from making a reappearance.

She was going to get to figure those feelings out too. When they left the arena. She wasn’t sure why, but that thought was terrifying.

 

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but when she woke up, James was playing with her hair.

“You didn’t let me sleep all day, did you?” She asked, remembering the last time she woke up on his chest.

“No, I didn’t let you sleep all day. Though it’s still raining, so I would have if you’d wanted to sleep.” His finger looped around a lock of her hair and she tilted her face up so she could get a good look at him. Any trace of unease or pain that she might have seen last night was gone. He looked calm and content just then.

“Still?” She’d been hoping that the rain would let up so that they could just end it all today. There weren’t many of them left, and she couldn’t imagine that anything any of the tributes were doing in the rain was so entertaining that they would want to prolong it. She didn’t think anything she and James was doing was very entertaining either.

Though they did have a feast yesterday. And she’d sort of made out with him.

She stretched her arms over her head and then pushed herself up, so she was seated. “It was kind of nice to have an excuse to have some down time yesterday, but I’m going to get rather anxious if we’re stuck in here all day again.”

“Me too.” He agreed. “But now that you’re awake, why don’t we busy ourselves with breakfast?” He grinned at her and Lily’s stomach started growling.

“Yes,” She nodded emphatically. “I want to finish the cheese before it goes bad!”

“And the rolls. They’re not going to last so long in this humidity.”

“That’s a perfect breakfast. Bread and cheese.”

“Is that what you had back home?” He asked, and Lily narrowed her brow.

“No. We couldn’t afford real bread.” She shook her head and then looked up at him. “Though we did have cheese. One of my neighbors has a goat and we trade with them for cheese and milk.”

“I don’t know that I’ve ever had goats milk.”

“It’s very sweet.”

They pulled out their food and set up a small breakfast for themselves.

She didn’t ask what he normally had for breakfast because she knew that whatever answer he gave wouldn’t make the people of their district like him. His answer might actually make people dislike him.

“You’re a lot different than I thought you’d be.” She said, letting the words fall out of her mouth before she could catch them.

James took a bite of his bread and then looked over at her. “What does that mean?”

She shrugged a shoulder and broke off a piece of her cheese. “I don’t know. I guess I thought I had you figured out before we came here. I thought you were spoiled and thoughtless and I was wrong.”

“Not entirely.” He ducked his head a bit.

“Sure, but in all the important ways, I was wrong.”

He looked back up at her, “I don’t think I’ve heard you say that before. Especially not twice in a row.”

“I’m being serious, James.” She said, not wanting him to turn this into a joke. Not when she was trying to get him to understand that she wasn’t entirely pretending about everything. “I like you. I don’t think I could have done this with anyone else.” She shoved another bite of cheese into her mouth and looked down at her hands.

James was quiet so Lily had to look back up at him. His brow was narrowed, and he was just looking at her like he was trying to figure something out. She gave him a soft smile, trying to help him along.

“All it took was me being the only person left for you to interact with, huh?” He was still joking and Lily wanted to punch him in the arm, but she didn’t. She forced out a short laugh and shook her head.

“Yeah, if anything it’s because _I_ am now that last person left for _you_ to interact with.” She corrected. “Or did you forget that after you made me dislike you as a child you refused to talk to me until after our names had been drawn?”

James was quiet again and Lily waited for him to chew through that. This wasn’t their usual banter and James could tell, even if he kept trying to get them back to it.

“I hadn’t considered that.” He finally looked away from her, suddenly interesting in his hands.

“Yeah, I know you didn’t.” She pushed her hair back over her shoulders and finished up her roll.

And then the cave went quiet. Truly quiet for the first time in the last couple of days.

Lily and James’ gazes both snapped toward the caves opening, and Lily was thrilled for just a moment to see that the rain had let up.

And then she remembered that if the rain was gone, they were going to have to leave the cave and fight the other tributes.

And when she saw the sun come out, she had a gut feeling that this would be their last day in the arena. There would not be another night spent in the cave.

“Well would you look at that,” She grinned, and turned back to James. “Looks like we won’t be stuck in here for another day.”

“That’s good, because I was getting tired of you.”

Lily scoffed and reached out to shove him. “Like you’ll ever be sick of me.”

“I’ve never before had the opportunity to find out.” He grinned. “Which apparently is my own fault.”

“Entirely.” Lily nodded. “Now, let’s get out of here before _I_ get tired of _you_.”

“That hasn’t happened already?”

Lily laughed and shook her head. “No. No, it hasn’t. And I’m just as surprised as you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And we're officially getting to the end. And I'm out of pre-finished chapters because I've been slacking on my writing. I typically write at least 500 words a day, but I've been very busy on my little farm and it just hasn't been happening. I need to recommit to it.
> 
> Anyway, hope you have a lovely rest of your weekend! Don't forget to leave me a review!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon everyone! I hope you've been having a good (holiday) weekend! I certainly enjoyed my two extra days off! I bought a car and got ducklings! It's been a good few days. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next couple of chapters, don't forget to let me know what you think!

 Lily was in front of James with her bow out and an arrow notched.

When he asked her what he could do to help, she told him to breath quieter.

And then he was floored once again, when he realized that this was the girl that he was in love with.

He wasn’t sure what it was about that interaction that made him remember his epiphany from the night before, but it settled on his chest and he tried to figure out what it was about her that he loved and why it had taken him so long to realize that that’s what this was.

He let her get a little further ahead of him, trying to keep his breathing and his steps light to keep from making too much noise. But he’d never learned how to navigate the woods like she had. He couldn’t mimic her feather light steps that seemed not to make any noise at all.

“What are you hoping to find?” He asked after they had traveled in what James considered to be silence, for about ten or fifteen minutes.

“Nothing at the rate we’re going,” She turned and gave him a wry smile. “Maybe we should split up.”

“Definitely not.” James shook his head immediately.

“Not actually split up,” She said quickly, fingering her bow and avoiding his gaze. “But I’m not going to find anything if I’m too focused on where you are and-“

“Don’t try and pretend I’m distracting you. I’m too loud, I get it.”

“I was still going to try and be nice though.” She grinned at him. “You can go, and forage and I’ll hunt. Don’t go outside of yelling distance though.”

“You’re feeling a lot more confident now that you’re back on your feet, aren’t you?” He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh, most definitely.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek, an action which seemed so natural and fluid, but made him feel as though he’d just been hit by a truck. “We’ll meet back by the river in an hour, alright?”

He cleared his throat and nodded his head before he could say anything. “An hour. But we’re not going far.”

“Not outside of shouting distance.”

“Aright, I’ll go and find some more blackberries.”

“That would be great.” She was still smiling at him and then she turned away and headed off into the woods. James turned the other way and headed toward where he’d seen the other blackberry bushes a few days earlier.

He didn’t know why they were hunting or foraging. They still had food left over from their meal that the sponsors had sent them, and he hadn’t told Lily, but he was pretty sure that the finale was going to start at any point. They weren’t going to need any more food than what they had.

But he wasn’t going to say any of that to Lily, because then the Gamemakers might just make finding food even harder _and_ extend the games just to spite him. Better to play at being dumb then to be played.

He found a couple of blackberry bushes, but they looked as though they’d been picked over. And when he realized that the most likely culprit was another tribute, the hair on the back of his neck stood up and he looked back over his shoulder, trying to spot Lily in the woods behind him.

He saw a flash of her red hair, and then she was behind a tree, but it was enough for him to calm down.

He turned back to the bush and continued to forage.

After he’d collected all the blackberries, he found another berry bush that he wasn’t familiar with. He started collecting the berries, thinking that like before, he’d just check with Lily before eating any of them. He laid the berries on the ground next to the blackberries that he’d gathered and then went back to find more.

He went to the river and started digging up some roots that he’d dug up before that Lily had already okayed. Though the river was starting to look more like a creek now, and so James stopped digging up the plants to refill the canteens.

The water seemed to be drying up as he filled the canteens, but he managed and then tucked them back into the backpack, picked up the roots and turned around to put them with his berries.

“James!” Lily called out and James nearly threw the roots to the ground in his haste to get to her. Lily wouldn’t call out loudly for nothing, something was wrong.

“James!” She called again and before James could respond, a canon went off and the entire forest went silent.

James froze for half a second and then he did drop the roots as he ran toward where her voice had been coming from, which seemed to be where he’d had the food.

She came into view, her face pale and terrified, “Lily?” He slowed down and saw her jump.

“James?” She was crying.

“What happened?” He walked up to her and she reached out, taking his face in her hands and looking him over. “I’m alright, I’m right here, what happened?”

“I thought you were- I thought the cannon- I called you and you didn’t answer me!” She shook her head and let go of his face, grabbing his arms now. She was shaking, he could feel it. “Those berries,” She pointed at the ones he hadn’t been familiar with. “They’re nightlock berries. They’ll kill you in seconds!”

“I didn’t eat them,” He said, though after he said it, he figured it was obvious seeing as how he wasn’t dead. “I was going to ask you, like I’ve been doing.”

“I know,” She took a deep breath and let her forehead fall against his chest and he put his arms around her. “I know, but then the canon went off.”

He didn’t feel like now was a good time to tell her that he’d thought she was in trouble when she’d called his name, that he too had thought that the canon had signaled her death.

And then the helicarrier appeared over top of them and the crane started lowering into the trees right in front of them.

James looked over at Lily and then she stepped away from him so they could both go and see what happened.

It was Dennis, the fourteen-year-old from District 11. He still had some of the berries in his hand.

Lily sucked in a breath and then took a step back, James put his arm back around her. “He must have been following us.” He said, looking away as the claw came down and scooped him up. “It was a quick death though?” He asked. Lily nodded mutely.

They stood there quietly until the helicarrier was gone. “At least we didn’t have to hurt him. It’s just us and District 1 now.” Lily said as she readjusted her supplies. James noticed that she had a rabbit.

James hadn’t thought about Dennis. He didn’t know how long the young boy had been following them, or how he’d managed to survive this long, but after Lily had pointed it out, he realized that he was relieved that they wouldn’t have to directly do anything to harm Dennis.

“I think he’s technically my kill,” James said quietly, feeling his stomach turn over. “He thought that food was safe to eat because I was laying it out to eat myself. I should have set those off to the side, not put them so close to what was safe to eat-“

“James,” Lily reached out and squeezed his hand. “It was a quick death.” She couldn’t tell him in front of the cameras that it wasn’t his fault or that it had to happen, but he could see what she wanted to say in her eyes. Dennis had met a far kinder death than anything Rabastan would have given him.

“Right,” James nodded. “So should we settle in for our feast now? I don’t know if I’ve ever had rabbit before.”

“It’s good, don’t worry.” She made no snarky comment about how it’s because he could afford to eat beef or pork, and so James squeezed her hand. If she wasn’t making snarky comments, then it was because she was too rattled to do so.

“No more splitting up.” He added, and she shook her head.

“No more splitting up.” She agreed.

Before they left to make camp, Lily leaned down and scooped up a handful of the nightlock berries. She shrugged. “Maybe it’ll work on Rabastan as well.”


	32. Chapter 32

She’d thought he was dead.

It had been different than before, when they had been separated and she heard the canons and she’d thought that one of them were for him. At the time, part of her had been hoping that one of the cannons had been for him, so that she wouldn’t have to see him die, so that she wouldn’t have to keep waiting for him to die, so it could just be over.

But now was different.

Because when that canon went off, that had meant that she’d failed to keep him safe. She’d failed to bring him home.

It would have meant that she’d lost him when she could have kept him.

She was still shaking as they sat down to make a campfire and have a meal. Lunch or dinner, Lily wasn’t sure what time of day it was anymore. With the Gamemakers messing with when the sun rose and set so often, she didn’t think it mattered what they called their meals.

“Do you want the last roll?” James asked, handing it out to her. He didn’t know what to do with her now. He didn’t want to spook her or something, he kept talking in a quiet voice and speaking gently. Lily wasn’t sure if she wanted to slap him or just cry for a couple of hours.

“We can split it.”

“You can have it.”

“I know,” She took the roll and ripped it in two. “But we can split it.” She handed him the other half again and then took a bite.

The rabbit she’d killed was cooking on their little fire.

Every time before now, she’d been worried about making a fire. She had been scared that someone would see the flames or the smoke and that they would come to kill her.

But there were only two people left in the arena, and if they showed up now, she would get to them first.

She started shaking harder.

“Lily?” James’ gentle, soft voice made her eyes sting.

“Hey,” She shook her head and smiled at him. “Please don’t be too nice to me right now.”

“Don’t be nice to you?” His brow shot up his forehead. “Well I’m not going to be mean to you.”

“You don’t have to be mean, just don’t be too nice.”

James frowned and his forehead crinkled. “I don’t know what that means.”

Lily laughed, because of course he didn’t know what she meant. She was only voicing half of what she wanted to say because she didn’t want to admit to the capital that she was on the verge of tears. If James was nice to her right now, she was definitely going to cry in front of everyone, and she didn’t want to do that. She was still worried about coming across as weak even though she’d made it to the end. She was a finalist. One of four.

“Okay, can you just…” She took another bite of her roll. “Tell me a story.” He still looked hesitant. “Tell me about your friends.” She just needed a distraction, and that seemed to click for him.

He readjusted his broken glasses and then ran a hand through his hair. “I met them all when we started school. I know that none of us seem like we should be friends, but I think some things are just meant to happen, and so we all became friends anyway.”

“Some things are meant to happen?” Lily mulled that over, trying to keep her mind off of what had happened with the berries and the canon. “I don’t now how I feel about that, but it’s a nice thought when the result is a good one.”

“Yeah, maybe I didn’t mean that. I think,” He finished off his roll before he started talking again. “I think that certain people are supposed to meet. That they’re supposed to be in each other’s lives. And I think that my friends were meant to be a part of my life. If I didn’t have them while I was growing up, I think I would have been an entirely different person. I don’t think I would like who I would have been either.”

Lily nodded along. “That makes sense to me. The people we grow up with shape who we are, but some things about us have to be etched into our bones, yeah? Permanent and unchangeable?”

James shrugged. “I don’t know. I think being in here has made it hard for me to think that under the right circumstances, a person can stay true to themselves.”

“You stayed with me when you should have left.” Lily pointed out. “That’s something that I think is unchangeable about you.”

His ears started to turn red. “Not knowing when to quit?”

Lily chuckled. “Exactly.”

She reached out to turn the rabbit and glanced around the woods.

They fell quiet, Lily wishing she could look inside of James’ head for a moment. She didn’t know where he went when he got quiet like this.

And then quite suddenly, the light started to fade. It was as though Lily was watching the sun sink.

Her stomach turned into a rock and bit down on the tip of her tongue.

“They’re ending it.” She said. They didn’t even get to eat their rabbit.

“I think you’re right.” He nodded. “What do you want to do?”

She took a deep breath and then stood up. “I don’t think there’s any use bringing all our stuff with us. It’ll all be over soon.”

James nodded. He grabbed the pack and dug through until he found the knife and then set down the rest.

Lily picked up her bow and quiver. “Shall we start for the middle of the arena?”

James held out his hand to her in answer.

“We’re going to get back home.” She said, taking his hand.

“We’re going to get back home.” He repeated, taking a step closer to her and quickly pressing his lips to hers. He pulled back before she could return the kiss. She squeezed his hand.

And then they started off toward the center of the arena.

They had made it maybe three steps when Lily heard footfalls behind them.

She glanced at James, who was looking behind them. “That can’t be Rabastan and Emma.” He said.

“That’s a lot of feet.” Lily agreed, and then the sound got louder and more aggressive, and Lily started moving faster before she could tell her feet what to do.

“What is that?” James asked, and then he was running, gripping Lily’s hand tightly as he urged her forward faster. “Mutts.” He mumbled under his breath.

Lily’s heart was in her throat and she started running for her life.

Mutations were creations of the Gamemakers with the sole purpose of causing as much chaos as possible. They wanted to create animals with more blood lust, with more ways to hurt the tributes, with prolonged side effects if you managed to get away.

Lily was not looking forward to seeing what these mutts were.

They sounded big though.

There was a scream from somewhere further off, and then a canon. James and Lily both tightened their grip on one another and pushed themselves even harder.

They reached the clearing and the only thing they could climb to get away from whatever was chasing them was the large metal container that had housed all the supplies at the beginning of the game.

They were halfway through the clearing when James’ hand was ripped from Lily’s. The force tripped her up and she rolled across the ground, landing hard on her shoulder, but she jumped up quickly, reaching for an arrow before she had her balance.

She notched it, ignoring the twinge in her shoulder, and looked behind her for James.

He had his knife out and was trying to fend off the beast, but it was massive.

Lily didn’t know what animals they had used to piece this thing together, but it looked to be part eagle, part horse. Its beak was the size of Lily’s forearms with a deadly point at the end. It beat it’s wings and the wind it created pushed Lily and James off their feet. Lily didn’t need to be on her feet to shoot it though. And so she took aim from the ground and let her arrow fly through the beasts eyes.

It let out a horrific screech and then fell to the ground. James had Lily on her feet a moment later, and they took off again toward the metal container. Lily didn’t realize that James wasn’t right beside her until she had her hands on the container and was shoving the arrow over her shoulder.

More of the beasts were running up around them, and there was James, twenty or thirty feet behind her, limping as blood spilled from his upper leg. “Go!” He shouted, but the mutts were too close to him. If she left him, he wasn’t going to make it. That first mutt must have gouged him with its massive beak before Lily had put it down.

She notched another arrow and hit the closest one between the eyes. It fell faster than the last and she had another arrow ready to go, but James had finally made it, so she put the arrow back and started climbing. Once she’d made it to the top, she put the bow down and reached down to help pull James up.

And that’s when Rabastan showed up.

He ran out of the woods like a bat out of hell and when he saw James and Lily, it looked as though part of him forgot that there were vicious mutts trying to kill all of them. From across the clearing, Lily could see his face turn red and he roared, running faster now as he pulled a knife out of his pack and took aim at James, who was still trying to climb up the side of the container.

“James, hurry!” Lily was frantic now, knowing that in was only going to be a few seconds before Rabastan was close enough. And she couldn’t help James up and get to the bow at the same time. If she let go of James to get to the bow, the mutts would get him.

“You two are dead!” Rabastan called out, and then he pulled his arm back and let it fly forward, the knife on a deadly trajectory. Lily screamed and pulled at James with all her might, but it wasn’t enough, and the knife hit James square in the back.

He let out a grunt, but his grip on her hand didn’t lessen.

And the knife bounced off of him, and fell to the ground.

Lily blinked and looked at James. “How did you do that?”

“I think it’s the shirt! It was supposed to protect Rabastan from you.” He finally found his footing and managed to push himself up the container. They both scrabbled away from the edge and waited to see if the mutts could fly with those wings of theirs, or if Rabastan was going to make it to the container.

Lily knew they didn’t have a lot of time, but James’ face was pale, and his breathing was too shallow. “Did it bite you?” She asked, trying to find something that would help him.

“Yeah, but I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” But his leg was soaked, his pants stained red. “Are you alright?”

“Don’t ask about me when you have more blood on your pants then in your body.” She ran a hand through her hair and ripped her jacket off. She took the knife from James and jaggedly cut at the sleeve. “I’m going to make you a tourniquet.” It would keep the rest of the blood where it was supposed to be.

Rabastan made it to the container while she was trying to tie the damn sleeve around his leg, but there was too much blood and it was making it slippery.

“Lily, he’s coming,” James said, trying to shift so that he was between her and the incoming threat.

A mutt jumped up on the other side of the container and screeched, stomping its food on the metal. Lily swore under her breath. They couldn’t fly, but this one figured out how to jump up here.

She got the fabric to knot and then pulled out another arrow and took aim at the beast.

As she let her arrow fly through a third mutts’ skull, a knife whistled past her ear, and when she turned around, Rabastan had one arm hooked around James’ neck and was dragging him to the far edge of the container, another knife in hand already.

She notched another arrow, but after she’d aimed it Rabastan, she realized that she couldn’t shoot him, not without putting James at risk of falling off the container. The beasts below had quieted some, as though they knew that any moment, one or two of them were about to be on the ground below.

“Go ahead,” Rabastan said quietly, putting his knife up against James throat. James tried to pull away but he couldn’t. He was weak from the blood loss and Rabastan had spent his whole life training for this anyway. “I’ve already lost, haven’t I?” He tugged at James’ sleeve and shook his head. “This wouldn’t have helped me anyway. You’d have just shot me in the head.”

It was such a gruesome thing to say, but Lily was debating doing just that. It was the only part of him that she could safely aim for without being in danger of hitting James as well.

James took a gasping breath as Rabastan readjusted his arm. He tried to pull himself away, but Rabastan tightened his arm and pushed the knife against his throat, drawing a line of blood. Lily took a shuddering breath when she saw that. James didn’t have any more blood to lose.

“I can still do this.” Rabastan said. “I can still win this thing”

“No you can’t.” Lily snapped. One of the mutts screeched, growing impatient. Or perhaps it was the Gamemakers who were getting impatient. “The game is over for you. You’re going to lose.”

Rabastan laughed. “But that’s the thing, isn’t it? I lost as soon as I volunteered for this game! You lost as soon as your name was called. There is no winning!” Lily licked her lips, not sure why this boy from District 1 was saying such damning things about the games. She hadn’t even known that it was possible for people from District 1 to be so aware of the helplessness and lack of control that the capital put them all through.

“But you don’t have to do this.” Lily said, nodding at James. “You don’t have to do this just because they want you to.”

“Yes I do!” He shouted. “I’ve got people back home too, 12.”

Lily didn’t know where this conversation was going or how she was going to get out of it without saying something that would damn her as well. And then James started tapping on the back of Rabastan’s hand. Lily thought it was because he was running out of air at first, but then he drew an ‘x.’

“I can still win this.” Rabastan said quietly, and Lily knew that she had only seconds before he did something that she would never come back from.

“I’m sorry.” She said, looking him in the eye as she let her arrow fly into his hand.

He dropped the knife and let go of James at the same time. James didn’t waste time spinning around and shoving him over the edge.

And then it was just the two of them standing there.

Listening to Rabastan scream as the mutts tore at his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it. We're really winding down now!  
> Don't forget to leave me a review!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end! It might be next week actually!  
> I hope you all enjoy this angst filled chapter <3

James fell to his knees after he pushed Rabastan to the ground to be torn apart by the capital mutts.

He wasn’t sure if it was because of the blood loss or because he’d just shoved someone violently off of a structure, to their certain death.

Lily was by his side before he had caught his balance, her arms around him. “It’s almost over.” She said, probably fearing that he was about to pass out.

He wasn’t though. That would be too easy. He was going to have to sit there and listen to Rabastan die. And by the sounds of it, the mutts were taking their time with him.

He started shivering and Lily left his side for a moment and came back with the remnants of her jacket, which she wrapped around him. He wanted to tell her that she should put it on, she had nothing else to protect her from the cold.

But he couldn’t find his voice and she didn’t look cold. Maybe he wasn’t cold either.

“Almost.” Lily repeated, her hand brushing over his forehead, pushing his hair back.

But James wasn’t so sure. The mutts seemed to be playing with him as they injured him. James slowly scooted toward the edge, Lily put her hand on his shoulder, but he shook her off.

He looked down and Rabastan’s eyes found his almost immediately.

“Please.” He seemed to be mouthing. “Please.”

His face was completely unrecognizable, his clothes were entirely red.

He looked around and spotted the knife that Rabastan had dropped. He reached for it with shaking hands and wrapped his fingers around the hilt.

“James,” Lily spoke softly behind him, her voice carrying over the screeching of the mutts and Rabastan’s screams.

He couldn’t look at her though. He turned back toward Rabastan, waited for a clear shot, and then threw the knife. It landed squarely in his chest, and there was a flash of recognition in his eyes before they dulled, and the screaming finally stopped.

The mutts nudged at the body with their beaks, realized that it was dead and then walked off into the forest as though James and Lily weren’t even there.

And then the sun came up.

The bright green grass contrasted violently with the blood coating Rabastan’s skin and clothing. James looked away, feeling more faint than he had earlier.

But there was no helicarrier coming for Rabastan’s body. There was no announcement that they had won and could go home now.

There was just silence.

“We won.” James said. Maybe the Gamemakers needed to be reminded. He slowly turned to look at Lily. She was looking up at the sky, waiting for the same thing that he was. He wondered if she too had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Because they didn’t normally wait, they didn’t normally pause, they didn’t collect the body first, the announcement was supposed to just ring out, marking the end of another bloody and gruesome games.

“Maybe we have to get away from the body.” Lily said quietly, looking over the edge at Rabastan. Her face pinched.

“Maybe.” James allowed, but he could tell that Lily didn’t believe that anymore than he did. Something was going on.

They slowly climbed down the container, James would have fallen all the way to the ground if Lily hadn’t caught him multiple times.

She let him lean on her as they made their way over to the lake. For the first time in the games, it looked like a safe and peaceful part of the arena. There was no one coming to kill them for needing water, the mutts had ran into the woods, the sun was out, there was no screaming of tributes or steal.

Birds started chirping and James dug his fingernails into his palm. He wasn’t going to last much longer. He looked over at Lily, but she was looking down at the ground. It was like they both knew what was going to happen before it did.

“Attention tributes,” Ludo’s voice came over the arena and Lily’s hand shot out and grabbed at James’ sleeve. Her gaze stayed glued to the ground though. “The earlier revision stating that there could be two victors from the same district, has been revoked. Thank you, and maybe the odds be ever in your favor.”

A beat of silence.

James could hear the blood rushing in his ears.

 _That’s not fair!_ He wanted to scream, stamp his foot and throw something at the cameras. _You can’t change the rules now. We already won! It’s not fair!_

But they knew that it wasn’t fair, and they didn’t care. Perhaps this was punishment for what Rabastan had said, perhaps this was their plan all along, or maybe they had never thought that Lily and James would get here.

“No.” Lily broke the silence in the arena and started shaking her head, taking a step away from James as though to prove to the cameras that she wouldn’t harm him.

“Lily,” James said quietly, turning to face her. “They have to have their victor. We can’t refuse to play by their rules.”

“Well then go ahead,” She threw the bow to the ground at his feet and her bottom lip started shaking. “They said- They said that we could go home! They can’t take it back now. We did it!” She threw her hands up and James bit his tongue. She was going to say something that would get them in trouble now. He stepped toward her and took her hand in his.

“We did. We got here, we’re the last two standing and I am so glad that we got to spend this time together, no matter how horrifying and terrible most of it was.”

“Stop it,” She pulled her hand away and shoved him. “Don’t say goodbye to me. I’m not going to kill you. I told you at the beginning that I wouldn’t do that. That I couldn’t do that.” It wasn’t just her lip that was shaking now.

“You don’t have to kill me.” James said, and then he reached down to undo the tourniquet that she had made for him. “If we just sit down here together, I’ll die first.”

“Don’t do that!” She grabbed at his hands, pulling them away from his leg.

“Lily, they’re not going to let you go home until I’m dead.”

“I don’t want to go home without you!” His breath caught in his throat, because there was no reason for her to put on a show now, because he could tell that the last thing she was thinking about was saying something for the cameras, because she was shaking and crying and it felt right that he would get her to like him just in time for him to die.

That was awfully inconsiderate of him.

He reached out and pulled her against his chest, holding her while she cried. “I’m sorry, Lily.” He said as she wrapped her arms around him. She didn’t ask him what he was apologizing for and he didn’t feel like explaining himself. He felt like he had a lot to be sorry for. “I know I shouldn’t ask you for anything, but do you think you could check in on my friends? And my parents?”

She didn’t answer him, and he leaned back to look down at her. She stepped back, holding her hand out. James narrowed his brow and looked at what she had in her hands.

It took him a minute to recognize the berries in her hand as nightlock, the berries that had killed Dennis in just moments.

“Lily, what are you doing?” He asked, keeping his voice light, as though he was talking to a scared animal. She wasn’t thinking straight, she couldn’t be.

“I’m not going home without you.” She said, looking from the berries in her hand, and then up to him. “Here,” She reached for his hand and he let her dump some of the deadly berries on to his palm.

James reached out and covered her hand with his own. “Lily, I’m not letting you-“

“James, just trust me.” She said, stepping closer to him as she pulled her hand back, looking up at him through her lashes. He couldn’t see whatever it was that she was trying to tell him, but he could see the wheels spinning behind her eyes. “Trust me.”

James nodded slowly and then looked down at their hands again. “Together?” He asked, wondering for a moment, if after everything, his death would come about because of a few berries.

“Together,” Lily agreed, “One,”

James ground his teeth together. “Two,” At least they would be together. At least her face was the last thing that he’d see in this world.

“Three,” Lily lifted her hand up to her mouth and James mirrored her actions. The berries touched his lips and he kept his focus on the green in her eyes.

“Wait!” Ludo’s voice filled the arena once more. It was frantic and loud. “Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, the victors of the seventy fourth hunger games!”


	34. Chapter 34

Lily threw the berries to the ground and wiped her mouth along the back of her hand. The berries had barely grazed her lips, but she wanted to be sure that there was nothing left.

She had heard Ludo, but it didn’t mean anything yet, not until they were both back home.

James wrapped his arms around her, and she let herself lean in against his chest, until the sound of the helicarrier filled the arena and she realized that James’ was feeling far cooler than he should. She looked at his face and his lips were blue.

“You’re alright,” She said, and he narrowed his brow. “You’re going to be alright. They’ll take you to the capital doctors now.” He didn’t need her reassurance, but she needed to hear someone say it out loud and she was the only one there to say it. His face was still all marred from where the glass from his lens had shattered and dug into the skin around his eye. His glasses looked to be almost completely useless, magically hanging onto his face. His hand was bandaged, but blood from where Emma stabbed him, had soaked the bandage at some point between now and when they had left their supplies behind. And then there was his leg.

“You’re alright.” She repeated again and James squeezed her hand, nodding his head.

They lowered down the ladder and they both gripped it. It was electrified, so once their hands were around it, they were stuck there. Which was good, because Lily didn’t think that James would have made it up the ladder otherwise.

The ladder went up and soon they were in the helicarrier. Lily didn’t look back at the arena as they left, she kept her eyes on James, and he kept looking at her. She wanted to say something to him, but she didn’t know what it was that she wanted to say. But there was definitely something bouncing around in her stomach or her chest or maybe her head. She couldn’t differentiate one body part from the next just then.

When they were in the helicarrier, medics rushed toward them, and even though Lily had reached out and taken James hand, before she could blink, James was ripped away from her and taken into a different room.

Lily stood up and tried to follow after the doctors that had carried him away, but someone held her back until the door was closed.

“No,” Lily pounded her fist against the glass door, watching as James was strapped to a table and given a shot of something that made his eyes close very quickly. “James!” She called out. “James!” But he couldn’t hear her, and even if he could have, he couldn’t have done anything just then.

She knew that they were trying to help him, but she couldn’t get her body to stop reacting as it was. She didn’t want there to be a glass wall separating the two of them. They had just survived the Hunger Games together, they had just ran for their lives from mutts, they had taken down Rabastan, they had _promised_ that they wouldn’t split up.

She hit her fist against the wall again, but quite suddenly, all the fight drained out of her body and she was just slumped over against the wall. She hadn’t felt the needle prick her, she hadn’t seen the medic walk up behind her.

“Your safe now,” Someone said, and Lily wanted to argue. She wanted to let them know that no one was safe, not so long as it was okay for the Capital to send dozens of children on a death match every year for the entertainment of its citizens.

But she couldn’t say any of that, because whatever they had given her was picking away at her consciousness. And before she could open her mouth, she was sleeping.

oOo

When Lily woke up, she was in her bed in the training center.

For a split second, before consciousness overwhelmed her, she thought that maybe everything had just been a dream, that she hadn’t yet gone into the arena and she hadn’t participated in the games. She was first gripped with fear, paralyzing and heavy on her chest.

And then she woke up completely and the aches in her body told her that it hadn’t been a dream.

She pushed herself up and looked around the room, for some reason expecting someone to be in the room with her, either babysitting her or to tell her that everything was okay.

She’d been hoping to see James, actually.

Something heavy fell on her chest again when she thought of James.

They had taken him away from her.

She jumped out of bed, her bare feet hitting the cold tile floor, shocking her more than it should, but she hadn’t been without shoes since before she was in the arena. She tip-toed backward, her legs bumping into the bed frame and then she looked for something to put on her feet. It felt wrong.

She shook her head. It didn’t matter what she had on her feet. She needed to find James.

She ignored the strange sensation in her feet and started for the door again.

Somehow, before she reached it, she knew that it would be locked. She knew that someone was going to want her contained.

She’d cheated the games. She’d forced their hands. She’d known that in the moment, and she knew that it would come with consequences, but she hadn’t cared. She couldn’t kill James and she couldn’t watch him die.

However, knowing that she was going to find the door locked, and even understanding the reasoning behind it, did not prevent her from having a visceral reaction to finding the door locked.

She shook the handle frantically, her breath catching in her throat as the walls of the room started to close in around her. The air felt too thick to breath normally and she sunk down to the knees, know pounding on the door with her fists. “Let me out of here!” She called out. “I need to see him! I need to see, James. I need to get out of here. I can’t breathe!”

But no one answered her, and for a long while, no one came to the door either. She kept hitting at the door, but she didn’t realize she was crying until someone pulled open the door and she couldn’t see their face because her vision was blurred.

“Let’s get you back in your bed, Ms. Evans.” The person said. They were wearing a white coat and when Lily blinked her tears away, she could tell that she didn’t recognize this person. She tried to back away, out of their reach, but they were faster than her and this time she saw the injection of whatever they’d given her before.

She fell asleep shaking her head and calling for help.

oOo

She didn’t know how long she’d been kept asleep, but this time when she woke up, Moody was seated in a chair next to her bed.

She sat up slowly and looked around the room.

“It’s just you and me.” He promised, taking a drink from the glass in his hand. It was a deep, amber colored liquid. “I told them to stop drugging you. You’ve been through enough.”

Lily crinkled her nose and sat up. Her body felt lethargic. Like she was swimming in a pool of molasses.

“Where’s James?” She asked, looking back toward the door and wondering if it was still locked.

“What do you care?” Moody asked. “Didn’t you go into the games hating the poor kid?”

Lily narrowed her brow and shook her head. “I never hated him. Where is he?”

“He’s in his room. He’s not woke up yet, but I suspect he’s as well off as you are.” He turned and looked her over. “The capital fixed you both up. I expect you won’t have any scars at all after the fine job they did. James will. That mutt almost tore his leg clean off.”

“He’s alright?” She asked, even though Moody had already told her that he was. She needed to hear it again.

Moody gave her an odd look. “It wasn’t all for show, was it?” She didn’t know what he meant by that, but she got the feeling that he was questioning whether or not she really wanted to know if James was alright and she ground her teeth together. “At some point in the middle there, I started having a hard time working out if what you were saying was for the cameras or not. Of course, you were also high on morphling for a good part of all that.” He chuckled and took another drink.

“Can I go and see him?” She asked, pushing her hair out of her face. She didn’t want to talk about the games, not with Moody, not with anyone.

“’Fraid not, love.” Moody shook his head. “The capital wants to run with this love story that two of you have concocted for all it’s worth. They want your reunion to be televised.”

Lily scrunched up her face. She had forgotten that the victor gets interviewed after the games and before they got to go home.

“I hope you understand what you did in there, sweetheart. They are not happy with that stunt you pulled. I don’t know how you feel for James, and you might not know yourself, but when the cameras are on you, you’re in love with him, understand? You are ready to die without him. Head over heels, choking on your own heart kind of love, because that is the only reason that they’ll let you live after you forced their hand like you did.”

“I couldn’t let him die, Moody!” Lily shouted, gripping her hair with both of her hands and leaning forward. She realized that her ribs had somehow been healed. “They told us that we were both going to get to go home if we were the last two alive, and then they took it back. I couldn’t go home without him.”

Moody looked at her for a moment without saying anything, just silently sipping from his glass. And then, “You were actually going to eat the berries?”

Lily looked around the room, and it must have been obvious that she was looking for cameras, because Moody reached out and took her chin in his hand, turning her toward him. “Look at me,” He said slowly. “They’re there, but they can’t hear us.”

Lily bit her tongue. “I knew that they wouldn’t let both of us die.” She said quietly, just in case. As though whispering would stop them from listening.

Moody didn’t like her answer. In fact, it made him down the rest of his drink and stand up.

“Please don’t leave me alone in here.” Lily stared to follow him across the room, and he turned around, shaking his head.

“I’m not going anywhere, kid. You and I, for better or worse, are in this mess together.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, don't forget to leave me a review because I'm needy and whatnot! Next week will be the reunion! And possibly the end entirely. I've being very indecisive about the whole thing smh


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. The last two chapters. I really hope that you guys like it <3

James took a deep breath and shoved his hands into his pockets. He was currently trying to ignore a great number of things.

They’d given him a haircut, for starters. It really wasn’t _that_ short, but it was shorter than he’d have chosen to cut it and it felt strange when he ran his hands through it. And of course, because this was the easiest problem to be upset about, he might have been a bit more fixated on it than he would have been, otherwise.

He had a terrible feeling that had taken root at the back of his throat whenever he thought about how Lily wasn’t standing next to him. He knew that wherever she was just then, Moody was with her and she was safe, but the last two times that they’d been separated had not gone well. This was more difficult to ignore than his hair.

And then there was his leg.

They had told him that it could have been worse. He would have lost more of it if Lily hadn’t managed to get the tourniquet on it as quickly as she had. But he’d still lost from the knee down. Too much time had passed from when he’d been bitten to when he’d arrived at the medical facility and so now, he had a piece of the capital permanently attached to his person.

It was disconcerting how easy it was to ignore that last one. Unless he was looking at it, he couldn’t feel a difference. The capital scientists had gotten too good at replicating actual life and he was very familiar with the ways the Gamemakers chose to exploit that. And so he chose not to look at it for the most part.

They had him dressed in a pale blue suit, paired with a white button up and a black tie. It was fairly tame by capital standards, but he wasn’t complaining about that.

His hand raked through his hair again when he heard footsteps outside of his room.

“Are you ready, Mr. Potter!” It wasn’t really a question and James didn’t see a need to answer Dolores. She was wearing yet another ridiculous, cat inspired outfit. He’d been trapped in his room since the ending of the games- or at least since he’d regained consciousness, and Dolores and Moody were his only visitors.

Moody hadn’t come often enough though and he said so little about Lily that James almost wished he didn’t bother coming at all.

“It’s going to be a grand time, you know! The interview and then we’ll be back on the train to head to 12. A double victor interview, can you imagine!” Another nonquestion. Dolores didn’t seem to notice that he wasn’t responding to what she was saying, content as she was to carry on talking to herself.

“And Ludo is probably going to be dressed fabulously, though you look pretty sharp yourself.” She stopped next to him and appraised herself in the mirror that stood before them. “You could use a bit more color though, if you ask me.”

“My stylists dressed me.” James said, not sure why he bothered responding. “Are Lily and I going to be interviewed together?” He was getting more and more anxious about seeing her again the longer they spent time apart.

“Yes, of course! They’ll want to ask you about all the juicy details. I can’t wait until the reunion.” She pressed her lips together and held her hand over her heart. “How much you must miss her.” She shook her head and looked like she was trying to force a tear. “But not much longer now!” A huge smile replaced her attempt at empathy.

James’ stomach rolled and his hand was in his hair again, but only for a moment, because Dolores reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling his hand away from his hair. “Don’t do that!” She snapped, sighing and reaching up to fix his hair. James flinched away from her and shook his head.

“Please don’t touch me.” He said. “Let’s just get going, yeah? That’s why you’re here? To take me down to the- to- to get me to the right place?” He didn’t know where they were going, where they were shooting the reunion.

He took a deep breath through his nose as Dolores started ‘filling him in’ on everything he’d need to know. He didn’t pay attention though, because that terror in the back of his throat was spreading throughout his body and he was going to start shaking if he didn’t get himself under control soon.

Dolores shouldn’t have grabbed at him like that, not when he was already feeling so anxious.

He clenched his hands into fists and bit the tip of his tongue.

Lily would be happy to see him.

He shouldn’t be doubting that, but he was. He had dreams about her telling him that it was all just for the show. Not just the romance part of it all, but everything. She’d tell him that she wanted nothing to do with him now that they were out of the arena, that she wanted to forget about everything and just move on without him.

Most of these dreams ended with Rabastan showing up and charging at Lily. When James tried to run up to help her, he’d realize that half of his leg was gone and that he couldn’t run anywhere.

He’d wake up right before Rabastan’s knife would hit Lily in the chest, every time.

And when he woke up, he’d be alone and in the dark and the fear would ebb away at him until the sun came up and his room lightened and he could convince himself that it was just a dream, that he’d made it through the games and survived.

It was harder to convince himself that Lily was alive when he hadn’t seen her though.

“James!” James shook his head and focused on Dolores.

“What?”

“You haven’t been listening, have you?” She clicked her tongue. “You’re very lucky that you have me. I said that it’s time to go, come along,” She waved her hand at him like he was some kind of dog or very small child.

He forced himself to release his fists and unclench his jaw, and then followed her out of his door. He paused for just a moment at the doorway, worried that someone might try and stop him from leaving.

But soon they were in the elevator together and James was disappointed that Dolores hadn’t brought up Lily again. He’d have to do it himself.

“Where is Lily?” He asked, looking down at the floor as the elevator dropped.

“She’s already downstairs waiting for us.” Dolores smiled at him. “I can’t wait for you two to see each other again. The number of times that you had me in tears during the games.” She laughed and shook her head.

James closed his eyes for a moment, trying not to become too acutely aware that hundreds of thousands of people had all watched the games and seen and heard everything. It was one thing to be in the games and know that there were invisible cameras everywhere, but hearing someone talk about how they watched you was something else entirely.

Time seemed to slow down and speed up when they stepped off the elevator. There was a flurry of people around him, giving him directions that he was only half listening to. They kept reaching out to touch him, and he kept flinching. They would straighten his tie or put a strand of hair back into place and he would get angrier and angrier with himself for flinching every time.

But then he was at the edge of a stage, and he could see and hear Ludo shouting about something or other and then he couldn’t see much of anything because someone was shining a spotlight on him.

He took that, and a quick shove from Dolores, as his cue to step out onto the stage.

He tried to steel himself, tried to focus on nothing but putting on foot in front of the other, but all of that flew out the window when he saw Lily walking out on the other side of the stage.

His breath got caught in his throat and he almost stopped walking, frozen with nerves and relief that she was actually alright.

And then there was the smile that split her face in two when she caught sight of him.

He started walking faster, but it still felt like a lifetime before she was in front of him, an eternity before she was back in his arms.

And then she pulled back slightly and he let his eyes wander over her face, looking for any of the proof that they had just survived the games together. There were no marks though, none that he could find before she pulled him up against her and planted her lips against his.

There should have been doubt. Doubt would have made sense. The cameras were back on them, she had made a big show of what could have been love at the finale, so she was just carrying on her act.

But Lily hadn’t let herself cry in front of the cameras before now, and her cheeks were wet. And she was holding him like she was afraid that someone was going to try and take him away from her, the same way that he was holding her.

Something about this was real. Something about this couldn’t have been faked and James let himself relax in her arms for perhaps the first time, even if they were in front of a live crowd who were jeering and cheering and yelling just feet from them. Even if there were cameras on him and he knew that the acting wasn’t over just yet. They were going to have to sit down with Ludo and go put on a show for a little while longer.

But then they would get to go home, and he and Lily would be able to talk for the first time in weeks, without anyone else listening to what they were saying, they would get to be honest with one another.

And that wasn’t such a terrifying thought anymore.

“Excuse me,” Ludo was chuckling as he tapped James on the shoulder. James didn’t make to pull away from Lily even a little bit as he reached over and shoved Ludo away from them.

It played well for the cameras and the crowd went wild, and that’s when James remembered that he couldn’t just stand there and kiss Lily for the rest of the night.

And so he pulled back, resting his forehead against Lily’s for a moment.

“You’re okay.” She whispered, letting her hands fall to his chest. He reached over and wiped a few tears from her cheek and nodded.

“And so are you.” He took a deep breath and stood up straight, kissing her forehead before he took a step back and turned to face Ludo. “Sorry about that,” He said, which made far too many people laugh. James ran a hand through his hair and was glad when Lily latched on to his other hand with both of hers. “But you know, I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Three whole days,” James wondered what Ludo’s attempt to tease him looked like to everyone watching at home. “How tragic.”

“Well,” Lily squeezed his hand as she addressed Ludo. “After going through everything we went through, I don’t really want him out of my sight anymore.”

And now the audience was ‘aweing’ which cheapened what she said, but he still ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

“Of course, of course,” Ludo agreed quickly, and then he ushered them over to a couch set up on the edge of the stage. “Now, let’s dive into the interview.”


	36. Chapter 36

Everyone in the capital had to think that she was crazy by the end of the interview.

She hadn’t stopped crying since James had walked out on stage. And then they told her about what happened to his leg, and that hadn’t helped things. She couldn’t stop herself from taking the blame. Especially after they showed the clip of him getting attacked by the mutt and she was too far in front of him, of course he’d gotten hurt.

She’d felt sick to her stomach while watching most of the clips that they showed, the story that they were choosing to tell about how James and Lily had fallen in love.

Eventually, by the end of the interview, the people she was watching on the screen seemed less and less like her and the boy sitting beside her, who hadn’t tried to let go of her hand once, and more like characters or just other people entirely.

She didn’t see any part of herself in the girl that shot her bow blindly in the direction of the careers. She didn’t see herself in the sickly girl who tried to flirt with James while they both pretended that she wasn’t dying. She didn’t see herself in the girl who threw her bow to the ground and declared that she didn’t want to go home if she couldn’t go home with James. She looked brave, and that was the very last thing that Lily was feeling as she sat curled into James on the couch in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

“Look at you two,” Ludo grinned at them after the screen had started showing silent highlights of the games, not all of which Lily or James was a part of. She forced herself to look away from Rabastan’s disconcerting grin as he stalked toward the girl beside the river to slowly end her life.

Lily looked at James and then at Ludo, but she didn’t know what he was talking about. She really hadn’t been listening to him all that well, so focused had she been on trying to stop crying and keeping herself from getting sick in front of the cameras.

“You’re so in love,” He clarified, sending a jolt through Lily, but she didn’t react on the outside with anything other than a smile. Moody’s warning hadn’t rung through her mind until just then. She wasn’t acting as though she was in love with James, she was acting as though she was scared that someone was going to come and take him away from her.

“When did you realize,” Ludo asked, and she felt James stiffen beside her. “Lily, when did you realize that you were falling for James?”

Lily looked up at James, who looked surprised that the question hadn’t been directed at him. Lily was surprised as well, but she supposed she should have expected them to make her talk at least a little bit. “Oh,” Lily said, looking back at Ludo. “I um, well,” She cleared her throat. “I don’t think there was any one moment.”

“No?” Ludo prompted, not wanting any dead air during their interview.

“No,” Lily shook her head. “I didn’t really know James before the games. We went to school together and all, but we hadn’t really spoken to one another. And I think it’s hard not to get close to someone who is going through the same things that you are.” What she was saying was true, but it wasn’t enough. She could tell that Ludo was still waiting for her to say something that would elicit another obnoxious reaction from the audience.

She took a deep breath and looked at James, thinking it would be easier to talk to him than Ludo. “James always believed in me. Even before the games started, he told me that he thought I was going to win. And then I got sick and he stuck with me anyway. It all just happened gradually.” She looked back at Ludo and attempted to smile. “I guess you could say that he’s the only one in the games who managed to sneak up on me.” The reaction was less obnoxious because there was laughter mixed in with the ‘awes’ this time.  

When they finally got off the damned stage, Lily was convinced that she was never going to stop crying. She’d given up trying to keep the tears off her cheeks.

She didn’t let go of James hand the entire time, and when her stylist team came to undress her, she felt herself start to panic. James must have sensed it because he reached over and ran his hand through her hair. “Sixty seconds, yeah?” He looked down at her and Lily suddenly realized that they had cut his hair. How stupid of them.

She managed a small smile. “Remember how you said that you’d never get sick of me?” He nodded. “Just wait.” He smiled back and she let go of his hand.

It was more than sixty seconds, but her team had gone as fast as they could, and she was glad to be out of the ridiculously cute and girly dress that they had put her in. She had not looked anything like someone who had just won the Hunger Games.

When she was redressed, she didn’t realize that she was wearing clothes from 12 until she saw James again and saw the grey sweater that he was wearing. It wasn’t a capital sweater, and even though she hadn’t liked him the last time she’d seen him in clothes from their district, she was overcome with a tidal wave of relief.

“We’re going home.” She said, reaching out for the hand he already had waiting. She wanted to fold herself into his chest again and just refuse to let go, but something stopped her from doing anything more than holding his hand.

The uncertainty got worse when they were finally alone together on the train. It had taken a while since Moody and Dolores both seemed to have too much to say to them, but eventually they had let them leave the dinning car and they wandered back to a lounge car.

James took a seat on a couch that sat in front of a large window. It made Lily dizzy to look out and see everything rushing by so quickly. She sat down next to him and turned away from the window.

They were both quiet for a moment, Lily feeling like she didn’t know what to say.

She pulled her hand out of James’ and pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around herself and rested her chin on top of her knees.

“I don’t want to do this, Lily,” James said, his hand going to his hair. “I can’t go back.”

She looked over at him and narrowed her brow. “You don’t want to do what? We’re finally going home.”

“No- of course I want to go home. I just,” He shook his head and turned to face her full on. “I know that things are going to be different once we get home, but I-“ He cut himself off again and Lily bit her tongue and closed her eyes for a moment.

“Things just feel weird now because it’s the first time we haven’t been in front of the camera. We don’t know how to act around one another without thinking about the audience as well.”

“I know that,” He agreed. “I don’t know what I’m allowed to do now.” He dropped his head down to his hands and Lily frowned. She didn’t like seeing James like this, especially not over something that seemed like it should be such an easy fix.

Lily started to reach out and then hesitated. She realized that she didn’t know what she was allowed to do now either. Not only because she didn’t know how James would react, but also because everything she did now had to have real feelings behind it. She wasn’t allowed to do things just for show anymore, and that should have made things easier, but their entire relationship had been for show so far.

She pressed her lips together and forced herself to reach over and run her hand through his hair like she’d done a few times during the games. He was upset and she wanted to comfort him.

He turned his head toward her, her hand still in his hair. “I don’t know.” She said, shrugging one of her shoulders and letting her hand fall to the couch. “I don’t know.” She shrugged again.

“After everything we’ve been through, I don’t want things to be weird between us. I don’t want to feel as though I can’t hold your hand or – or…” He shook his head, not wanting to say anymore aloud, but Lily knew what he meant.

“I know what you mean,” She said slowly, letting out a deep breath. “It’s going to be hard.”  

“What do we do now?” James asked, one hand in his hair and the other hesitating at his side.

Lily took a deep breath and let it out before she turned to look at him. “We find a way through,” She said, reaching over and lacing her fingers through his. They seemed to fit there, even now when everything else had changed. “Together.”

James blinked back his surprise and nodded. “Together.”

They rode in a more comfortable silence for a while and then Lily squeezed James hand and leaned over so her head rested on his shoulder.

“I love you,” He said quietly, his lips brushing against her hair. “You know that, right? I didn’t want to say it during the games because I didn’t want you to think I was saying it for anyone else.”

Lily’s eyes started to sting, and she nodded. “I know.” She leaned against him further. She couldn’t remember when exactly she’d worked it out, but he’d wanted to tell her in the cave, before the first kiss that had felt real.

“Good.” She felt his lips on her hair again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“You weren’t really going to eat those berries, right?”

She pulled back and looked up at him, wanting to be sure of what he was asking. “No.” She said, “And I wasn’t going to let you eat them either. I knew that they would stop us.”

James shook his head, “How? How could you have known?”

“Well, it’s like you said, they had to have their victor. If they thought that they were going to lose us both then…” She trailed off and squeezed his hand to keep herself from looking around the train car for cameras. “I wasn’t going to leave there without you. Not after they’d told me that I didn’t have to.”

“I know.” James nodded. “I understand that, but it still about did me in. I could see that you had a plan I just couldn’t work it out.”

“You can blame that on the blood loss.” She looked toward his leg. “Does it hurt?”

“Can’t feel it at all actually. I think I’d prefer some pain.” He tapped his toes and shook his head. “I feel like I’m one of their mutts now.”

Lily leaned against him again. “I’m sorry that I was so far ahead of you. I should have realized that you weren’t right beside me.”

“You wouldn’t have been able to shoot the thing if you were any closer.” James shrugged. “Besides, this means I finally have a scar to rival Sirius’s.” Lily chuckled and then shook her head.

“How do you do that?” She asked.

“How do I do what?”

“How do you make me laugh when everything is terrible?” She sighed and squeezed his hand again. “I mean, I just want to curl up in a ball and turn into a puddle. After everything that I did- Everyone that I hurt-“

“Shh,” He let go of her hand to pull her to his chest. “We’ll work through it all, yeah? Together, like you said.”

“Everything is going to be different.” Lily said quietly, “People are going to treat us differently, they’re going to ask us about the games- oh shit.” Lily huffed and James pulled back to look down at her.

“What is it?”

“I just realized why Moody is always drinking.” James chuckled and shook his head.

“Yeah, I was thinking that a bit earlier.” He leaned back against the couch, keeping his arms around her. “You think Remus will be angry with me?”

“Sure, but he won’t be angry with me.”

“You’re supposed to tell me that everything will be fine.”

“I’m not going to lie to you.”

“Do you fancy me?”

“Are you trying to sneak that question in there?” Lily tilted her head up.

“No, that would be cowardly.”

“I think saying I fancy you is a very simple answer. And nothing really feels simple.” She bit the inside of her cheek.

She felt James nod. “Why did you kiss me that first time?”

“I probably shouldn’t have done that.” She sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“So, it was for the cameras?”

“No, I just wanted to kiss you. But afterward, I could tell that you thought that I’d done it for the cameras and I was a little too drugged up to properly explain that that’s not why I’d done it.” He took a deep breath, and Lily thought she might have felt something relax in his chest.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

Lily looked up at him again and shook her head. “Not right now. I don’t want to talk about the games, and I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen when we get home.”

“That does limit us a bit. What is it that we should be talking about?”

Lily grinned at him. Things were going to be hard, really hard, but this, right now? It didn’t have to be so difficult.

“Tell me your favorite color.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And there we have it. Sort of threw in a Catching Fire reference at the end there. I know a lot of you have been wondering if I'm going to continue the story, but as of right now, I have no plans to do that. I didn't build up to some revolution, I didn't focus on the capital too much, so I think this fic does a good job standing on it's own. It would be fun to go on, but it would be a lot of work and as I've said on Tumblr, I have a lot of other stories that I want to give my time and focus.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read and review and enjoy! I love you all, and I'll see you with a new project soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed chapter one, go check out chapter two! (Also, you know, reviews are cool.)


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